Wednesday, November 24, 2010

John, #22, blocking.

Persevere. What a great word. I feel like that's gotta be a favorite with Life Coaches, or any coaches for that matter. In today's gospel, Jesus warns the disciples that they will be betrayed by all, including family. How can that be? Well, I've done it myself to the people I love. When I've challenged a decision they're making because I know better, or I think I do. I've been on the receiving end of that kind of challenge, too. When I was out of college I told my mother I was thinking about volunteering with the Jesuit Volunteers and she said, "oh, no, you don't want to do that! You should just get a job and start paying off your loans!" and I thought, well, I really do want to volunteer, but she's my mother and what do I know! I deeply regret that I listened to her and that I didn't seek out other advice. I ended up working for a crooked lawyer in downtown Oakland and honestly I can say that I didn't gain anything from that experience. In fact, it was a loss. What is the take away from this experience? If there is something that one feels called to? Persevere. Don't let someone else puncture your dream.. especially so easily! Listen to the One who speaks in that still small voice and hearken. Therein lies Real Life. It takes some practice though... listening and acting. Another facet of this whole dynamic is that sometimes it has been precisely because someone has challenged me that I have become clearer about what it is I am called to. So, I guess I have many people to thank for that too!

tuesday, november 23, 2010

Tuesday before Thanksgiving! The trees still have lots of beautiful colors .. the rains have only recently started. Let the parties begin! Robbie is on his way home. Billy will head home tomorrow. Tommy will come home on Thanksgiving. Hot Damn! I wanna fast forward to the time when they are in the house and all the cleaning and shopping and cooking are done and it's time to just be in the presence. But first, I gotta vacuum. and stock up.

King of Kings, November 21, 2010

Today is the Feast of Christ the King. I don't really relate to the person of King, but I just listened to a reflection on the significance of this feast for the Church, and I have to admit, I was swept up in the fervor of the song from the Messiah... recalling the words, "King of Kings, forever and ever, hallelujah, hallelujah" and the joy of that celebratory acknowledgement. I too celebrate the compassionate one who is one of us... the greatest lover of mankind... who gave flesh to the truth of our beloved nature too. Prince of Peace. Lord of Lords. I remember the first time I sang "The Messiah" with a choir in Berkeley. The Cal music department provided the music and we borrowed the libretto from them, and Peggy and I struggled along leaning on the other altos in the group, which was hard because I remember liking the tenor and bass parts too and some of the soprano as well. I pretty much chimed in where ever I recognized the melody. It was a heady experience and having never really looked at the words before, I was very moved by "He was despis-ed" and the mournful sound of that song. and then of course the Joy of the Hallelujah Chorus. I'll be singing again this year with friends in Pleasanton at a Lutheran church and I can't wait.. Dec. 10th. Lift up your voices, O Jerusalem.

saturday night november 13, 2010

The sunset tonight was otherworldly. Driving home from Sacramento this evening the sky was a pale pinky peach in streaks across the western sky. As we drove across the Benicia Bridge and past the mothball fleet standing guard on the water below us the water reflected that same calm pink. The effect left me feeling nostalgic... because I sensed the fleeting nature of this moment and the darkness to come that would envelope that sweet pink light. Happily we were not far from home... We would be cozily tucked in before night had descended. and then, the lights came on in our house and the oven heated up and warm water poured forth from the faucets. Ah home! We had leftover Thai food for dinner and a few Hershey's chocolate kisses and a cup of hot tea with milk. I sent money tonight to a couple in North Carolina who seek to help the homeless there. They described meeting people who live in the woods there off the grid... hard luck stories that would defeat anyone... Sue and Bill feel called to live sorta like St. Francis... except NOW and while I could never do what they do.. I am hopeful that my check in the mail will give them a shot in the arm.. to keep the faith. I am grateful to them for allowing me to be a part of their outreach. Peace and All Good.

november 5, 2010-Friday

Pete and I saw the play "Dracula" this week at the Lesher theater in Walnut Creek. It was a creepy, dark, sexy (I'm just telling the truth) production.. very well acted, staged, lit, and costumed. What am I missing? I have to admit that I like the whole vampire theme about as much as I like rollercoasters.. as in, not very much. However, I felt like I was in very good hands with the entire show from soups to nuts. Nothing amateur-ish about it. There was humor too which was a relief from the frightening stuff. Our venturing out in the middle of the week just for fun felt a little dlinquent. John was home with a cold, missing his volleyball practice. He enjoyed the quiet and the solitude no doubt. Man, I gotta toughen up!! Truth be told: I'd just about rather be anywhere with the boys than not.. well, until they start farting or telling inappropriate jokes or discussing the play by play action in the you-name-it game. I've only recently taken to excusing myself from the dinner table to go read a book when that starts. But, even then, it makes me happy to hear their voices from the other room. Robbie and Martha come home tomorrow... MORE VOICES!!

raindrops and sea lions, oct. 23, 2010

We haven't seen any sea lions here at Sea Ranch, but we have seen geese flying south in big flocks, some disoriented in the heavy fog and we've seen flocks of ducks, and on the beach we'veseen the gulls of different sorts. We've seen lots of deer too. It was eery. Pete and I went for a walk along the bluffs and we could hear the geese honking overhead but we couldn't see them. They were really loud and incessant, but we couldn't see them for the longest time. They approachced, flew overhead and then were gone. We tried our best echolocation techniques... turning our ears like the deer do... no luck. Other geese came and we were able to see them. One group was quite ragtag... wandering wiggledy-piggledy across the sky, looking rudderless. The next flock were better organized and oriented. I felt sorry for the first group. They seemed a bit lost and a little anxious. I attributed it to the fog.. that they just couldn't see where they were going! I woke up in the middle of the night, per usual, heard the rain coming down. Started worrying about something. Had the wits to start praying the rosary... which brought me back to .. what?... that I'm not in charge of the universe and maybe if I rest in the one who is.. I can get oriented. As Julian of Norwich is famously quoted as saying: All will be well and all will be well and all manner of thing will be well. Something like that. Peace be with you, another famous quote...

thursday, october 21, 2010

From Paul's letter to the Ephesians, kinda reminds me of Keats love poems:

and that Christ may dwell in your hearts through faith;
that you, rooted and grounded in love,
may have strength to comprehend with all the holy ones
what is the breadth and length and height and depth,
and to know the love of Christ that surpasses knowledge,
so that you may be filled with all the fullness of God.

.. I spent the morning on Tuesday w/ a Dominican sister who'd just come off a 3 week retreat. She was teaching us about her experience of the rosary. She was so still. At points, I thought she was going to start talking in a whisper and then just stop talking all together. It felt like she was pulling us INto her retreat, into the stillness of her quiet time of the past three weeks. It reminded me of why I need to be in the presence of religious men and women. Don't get me wrong! I also need to be with people who are movers and shakers. Cuz I'm a lug. But, being with Sr. Cecilia," rooted and grounded in love", helped me sense enfleshed what could be simply words. Her three week retreat blessed ME.

tuesday, october 19, 2010

Feast day of American martyrs.

from today's psalm 85:

Kindness and truth shall meet;
justice and peace shall kiss.
Truth shall spring out of the earth,
and justice shall look down from heaven.

My prayer for today:

that we shall see what the psalmist foretells.

and that Billy will have a cracking phone interview today and a bang up meeting on Friday in Portland. and for everybody in the whole world. Amen.

friday October 8, 2010

I spoke to our Egyptian post office clerk yesterday when I was mailing Robbie a bunch of reading material, including the sample ballot for the upcoming election. I had just finished reading a book by Rosemary Mahoney entitled Down the Nile. I enjoyed this book. I have no familiarity with Egypt and her experience rowing a boat down a stretch of the Nile and her interactions with the natives was really fun for me. I, too, love rowing a boat, so I could appreciate her desire for this experience. Anyway, back to the clerk. He said he grew up in Alexandria, went to college there and was one Christian among many Muslims. He worked there before coming to America, where he said everyone wants to come. He shared that his coworkers didn't work very hard because they kept taking time off to pray to Allah. They would leave the office and wind their way to the mosque and then pray for 5 minutes and then wind their way back to work. They were gone for an hour. Mostly they stood around, smoking and chatting with their friends. Then, they would criticize him for not praying... or for praying to a prophet, Jesus. He also shared how beautiful Egypt is.. and that I should put it at the top of my travel destinations list. He can't go home this year because air fare is so expensive and because his relatives expect him to bring gifts for all of his nieces and nephews. He is the rich uncle. Back to the religious life... didn't Jesus say don't make a show of your praying to the Father? ... maybe he knew that it was a temptation and that it really doesn't help the relationship. Like kids who brag about being friends with the popular kid. The friendship will be evident .. because people will have seen you hanging out, sharing similar interests, etc. I'm not picking on the Egyptians here... and another thing: the dominant culture raises its eyebrow at difference... and of course, assumes that its way is THE way. I'm gonna be on the lookout for the ways that I am complicit in either of these temptations. For starters, I am NOT going to sign my kids up for soccer this year. SCORE!!

simplify, simplify, simplify

Reading Fr. James Martin's book and the chapter on Simplicity or Poverty, actually. Simultaneously, our women's group is taking a look at the Beatitudes... and yesterday, the one that goes: Blessed are the poor in spirit (Matthew's version) or Blessed are you poor (Luke's version) the difference explained by the communities to whom Matthew and Luke were preaching. Matthew's audience were likely house churches who didn't know poverty themselves and Luke's audience would have known poverty. So, for what that's worth... I'm pondering if I see myself as poor. and thinking about how when I am aware of my poverty, how I do feel blessed, because it is then that I am most aware of my right relationship to all things, including the Creator. Well, truth be told, my poverty doesn't often feel good to begin with, but if I sit with it and really own it, and dig deep I can wind my way to the truth: that my identity lies in my status as a child of God. Nothing more, nothing less. Then I can lean on the Father and trust that essentially... all is well. I'm always struck that when missioners remark on their experiences with the people to whom they minister, that they always say how happy the people are... that yes, their struggles are great, but there is a simplicity and an integrity and beauty in the people they serve. Aileen, my sister in law, who went to Haiti imm. after the earthquake there was overwhelmed by the Haitians grace. She LONGS to go back to be among them. (She goes in Feb.) Father in heaven, help me to know your companionship... to welcome your friendship that knows me most deeply as your own blessed daughter. A-men-ay. (That's for you Robbie!!)

slow down October!

It's the third of the month already. My birthday is in 12 days. Looking out my window I just saw a swirl of leaves lift up into the air and be blown across the street and into the neighbor's bushes. The fog is in over the hills. The sky is grey allowing the true colors of the vegetation to stand. My sister posted a verse from the second reading for today's mass. She's in Maryland and has already been to church. From Jennie: "Loved the second reading. 'For God did not give us a spirit of cowardice but rather of power and love and self control'." I lay awake last night trying to compose in my head a letter to our neighbors alerting them to the fact that some mysterious person vandalized our car parked in the driveway. I visualized each of our neighbors in their homes.. who lives in their household... what their lives are like. What would it be like to receive a notice like the one I propose? I was up in the night.. padding around in the street at 1 in the morning checking the status of our other cars parked on the street. All was quiet. Except for our neighbor's television whose laughter I could hear through her living rm window. The night before there allegedly was police action at the end of our street and I know our immediate neighbors were having a pot smoking circle in their back yard. It was a wild Friday night. So, what would be my goal in circulating this notice? Just to connect the neighborhood. I think I'll call the Lafayette police and ask if they can come talk to some of us and advise us on neighborhood watch stuff. Can't hurt, right? and we might even TALK to our neighbors in the process.

friday,october 1, 2010

Feast of St. Therese of Lisieux.

from today's readings and Psalm 139:

LORD, you have probed me and you know me;
you know when I sit and when I stand;
you understand my thoughts from afar.
My journeys and my rest you scrutinize,
with all my ways you are familiar.
R. Guide me, Lord, along the everlasting way.
Where can I go from your spirit?
From your presence where can I flee?
If I go up to the heavens, you are there;
if I sink to the nether world, you are present there.
R. Guide me, Lord, along the everlasting way.
If I take the wings of the dawn,
if I settle at the farthest limits of the sea,
Even there your hand shall guide me,
and your right hand hold me fast.
R. Guide me, Lord, along the everlasting way.
Truly you have formed my inmost being;
you knit me in my mother’s womb.
I give you thanks that I am fearfully, wonderfully made;
wonderful are your works.

I can't help but sing when I read this psalm... because we sing a song with these words at church. I remember when I first heard those words "knit me in my mother's womb"... wow! i just didn't happen. I was KNIT. Everything about this psalm speaks of the closest friendship with the Creator. We are no accident. We are the precious sons and daughters of the Mother and Father of the Deep and the High and of Infinity (as the boys used to conceptualize). I'm gonna sit with this notion of the bombshell that is our creation... as I did when each of our boys were fashioned and born. Someone had each of us in mind, and that Someone longs to know us and to be known.

a new red door, september 26, 2010

Robbie painted our front door. It was a rich cool teal green before. I gave him carte blanche with the new color choice and he and Pete decided on this friendly happy red. Words can not describe how much I love it. Okay, I will give it a shot: delighted, lifted up higher and higher, en joie de vivre (I totally made that up), I got the best parking place!, a happy HOME. Thank you Robbie! for doing the heavy lifting, as always, and for leaving your strong and beautiful heart on our front door!

let's not fart around

the reading from Ecclesiastes today is "vanity of vanities"... you know the one. The writer must have been suffering from what Kathleen Norris, author of Cloister Walk,and Acedia among others, identifies as "acedia"... one of the original seven deadly sins, I think, but it got retired from the list. She contends though that it is still deadly, because what acedia does is lead the person to say "nothing matters". Eventually, there is no reason to get out of bed or to do anything. Yesterday, I was really getting mad at God, the universe, who ever is in charge and who will listen, about the fact that I know so many people who are bravely living with cancer. It REALLY makes me mad. I don't really think that one person is responsible for the suffering in the world, but I needed to take my anger somewhere, right? I am Irish/Scottish for a reason... I get mad! It always occurs to me LAST that I can take my humanity to God.. that the source of my life cares and knows me.. and will answer me.. I was not disappointed.

from Psalm 90:

In every age, O Lord, you have been our refuge.
Fill us at daybreak with your kindness,
that we may shout for joy and gladness all our days.
Prosper the work of our hands for us!
Prosper the work of our hands!

and so, among other things, God says "Get Moving!!" and I say "Lead me in the right direction, okay? cuz I don't have that much longer to fart around, okay? "

friday, september 17, 2010

"Hide me in the shadow of your wings", from Jeremiah. Trying to enter into that phrase, or that prayer request. The prophet Jeremiah, living in the Middle East, compelled to speak what God called him to preach to people, must have sought a retreat from his pubic ministry. That desire to be hidden comes from where? and "in the shadow of your wings" is a little stretch for me. There'd have to be pretty darned big wings to create a big enough shadow to cover or hide me! I'm reminded of children who bury their faces in their mothers legs or laps or skirts. I'm reminded of times I've tried burying my face in Pete's chest. or remembering as a child myself creating forts in our living room and "hiding" inside in the dark and cool created by the blankets. Ooooh. I remember being small enough to sit under an umbrella on the floor and being hidden. Generally, I prefer the light, I think. But there is a moment when being in the shadows is the sort of refreshment called for. I just read a book "Down the Nile" by Rosemary Mahoney. She rows a boat down the river Nile. I recommend this book, so I won't tell much. But, it is hot in Egypt! and so she seeks out shade along the way. Her writing is highly descriptive and so I could sense the mind numbing heat and sought the same shade she did as I read. Where is it that I need shade? figuratively speaking. Where can I seek the shadow of God's wing and find safety and comfort and love?

oreos

Here's today's reading from St. Paul to the Philippians (a lector this summer pronounced it "philippines" so forever after now it will be the Philippines...arrgh.

"Brothers and sisters: Christ Jesus,

though he was in the form of God,
did not regard equality with God something to be grasped.
Rather, he emptied himself,
taking the form of a slave,
coming in human likeness;
and found human in appearance,
he humbled himself,
becoming obedient to death,
even death on a cross.
Because of this, God greatly exalted him
and bestowed on him the name
that is above every name,
that at the name of Jesus
every knee should bend,
of those in heaven and on earth and under the earth,
and every tongue confess that
Jesus Christ is Lord,
to the glory of God the Father.

Just this morning while I drove to the pool I listened to John Rutter's CD Gloria and one song, very English sounding, referred to the "Lord".. and I was repelled. "Lord" conjures images of landowners, royalty, who merely due to their title receive homage from their servants and neighbors. Being kinda egalitarian, I don't like that. and I certainly can't relate to a deity who is called "Lord". That puts me in a bind, cuz that's what he's called in a lot of places. So, what would I call the one who points the way to the Truth... ? Truthteller... that sounds kinda incomplete ... how about Beloved. just heard a story on NPR about an Iraqi Suni whose 21 yr old son was killed by the whomevers. Thinking about fathers who lose their sons. I can't imagine the pain of that.... and how the love between Jesus of Nazareth and His father led him to the cross (whose feast it is today, btw) and what greater outpouring of love I can not imagine. For the sake of all of his children... us. No greater love hath any man than to lay down his life for his friends. (I never use the word hath in real life, but it sounds good in that sentence.) Lift high the cross!

monday, sept. 13, 2010

so many faces and places and stages. I'm thinking of peole today, getting up and going to work or ending their honeymoons or getting ready to die, or working in the hospital, or the office bldg, or ? Today I will go the Hospice of the East Bay offices to finish the required orientation days. I will sit at a table with other employees and volunteers and have explained to me what legally I am obliged to do if I choose to volunteer for this organization. This process has taken me atleast four months. All I wanted to do was volunteer! I read a prayer this morning that asks God take what ordinary skills I have and put them to extraordinary use. God help me to persist in the good that I want to do, to tell what good it is that you are calling me to, and to stay true to the inspiration that is holy.

August 30, 2010

Today is the feast day of a fairly new saint, St. Jeanne Jugan, foundress of the Little Sisters of the Poor. Her order of nuns continues to tend to the needs of the elderly poor. My sister in law and her mother work to help the nuns raise funds and keep on doing the work in San Francisco. Interestingly, in the story of Sr. Jeanne, (Mother Marie of the Cross, she was called) was reproved by the abbot and was fired as superior of the community. Eventually, he was fired and she resumed her duties. I noted that because I'm reminded that so many of the world's saints suffered greatly to serve God's people. I imagine that Mother Marie was being punished by a limited priest, and that because he had the power, she had no recourse but to carry on ... this is my own little bugaboo. People who THINK they know better and who assert their power. The happy ending of course is that she returned to her role as leader and the work continues worldwide. Saints be praised! and God help us to love our elders.

sunday, august 22, 2010

Fall is in the air... reminding me of my own school days, when we'd overdress for the day and then swelter and sweat long about lunchtime out on the playground. The moisture in the air, the angle of the sun, this sense of expectation build not solely on the return to school and all the newness there, but in the cooler breezes and the gentler sunlight and the shortening days. Something's comin' I don't know what it is but it is gonna be grand.... from West Side Story.. maybe there is a sense of leaving behind and being pushed out into the cold and needing to anticipate meeting new friends and eventually leaving your folks. Ouch. Maybe that's the sense.. like a bird in a nest moving toward that final launch sailing out into open air in order to grow and become independent... that's what fall and the beginning of school requires. There is some excitement and some dread. Anticipation and fear. Get ready... maybe too there's something built into our human being/earth connection that says.. get ready! winter's coming. Get some new clothes, new shoes, bring things in out of the rain, secure those fences, get ready to harvest and to preserve. The days are getting shorter and you've got a finite amount of time to pull in the crop. (btw: our crop got eaten by the gopher and her entire family.) I am reminded of the beginnings of school years with the boys. One piece of advice I'd offer them: be patient with people and with yourself. Everyone is excited and nervous about the beginning of school. They will demonstrate those feelings in different ways and some of them will be off putting. Cut them slack! and be kind. So, as a mother in that nest and as a fledgling in the nest... I'm challenged to continue softening the nest, and to get ready to launch myself. Ready, set, stay, I mean, no, GO!!!

ireland August 4-8, 2010

Pete, the boys and I visited Ireland for a few days last week. We felt at home. John said "he blended". People were friendly, offering help to us when we looked lost, chatting us up in pubs and cafes, interested in our stories, and all with a smile, a twinkle in their eyes and a ready sense of humor. It was delightful. The country is suffering from the recession, but as our hotel host said, "they are in their comfort zone"... that a few years ago, everyone acted like J.R. Ewing. Now they're back to their old selves. Another resident said that the Irish look after one another. He lived in England for twenty years and said it wasn't so there. Another offered that the Irish suffer from a shame that took root over years of poverty and oppression and abuse. That will require a long healing process. It is true what they say about the many shades of green in the landscape. I kept taking pictures to capture them as many as I could. It did rain on us, but it wasn't a debilitating rain... often it was a mist or a light drizzle and then it would stop as soon as it started. A nice wash. When the clouds parted and a shaft of sunlight shone through, it reminded me of heaven. Another delightful aspect? The Irish gift for gab. it isn't just that they talk a lot, which they do, but that when they talk, it is poetry. Turns of phrase, the flow, the gentleness of expression, the angle of insight reflected the geography... easy on the eyes? easy on the ears. Rolling along and then swept up by a sudden emergent mountain that leads to a lovelier, grander vista. and let's face it: they are a funny people. I will treasure our visit to Ireland. In fact, when we flew into Dublin and as we first caught sight of the island itself, I found myself very moved. My reaction caught me by surprise. Maybe because my mother is Irish and because I love my mother and the fact that she possesses so many of the great Irish qualities: humor, kindness, honesty, and generosity... like Pete's mother too. Anyway, I'm taken in.... and it just goes to show.. .travel is full of surprises. Didn't see it comin'.

july 22, 2010 happy birthday Pete!!

Today at my house we're celebrating Pete's birthday. He told me this morning when I drove him to BART that he was thinking about his parents and the scene of his arrival in their lives. He was blown away thinking about how little he was and how big they were. He was thinking about their encounter and the fact that he was ever SO little once. I've seen pictures of Pete when he was little ... big head, little bitty self. But, it's him alright. His little hands resting on his knees as he sits.. his fingers firmly lined up.. just the way they still do. His BIG blue eyes... as benign and beautiful as always. and big smile... a happy soul. I thank God for his gift of Pete to me... today and always. Let the festivus continue!! HAPPY BIRTHDAY Peter Manning Hayes. July 22, 1958 was a day that changed my life immeasurably and without whom there would be no Tommy, Billy, Robbie or John. HIP HIP HOORAY!! for PETE!!

monday, july 19, 2010

There is a very happy bird singing outside my living room window. A breeze is blowing, the sun is shining if I listen very carefully, I can hear the leaves rustling on the trees, the bird, a neighbor's dog, a motorcycle motoring down St. Mary's Road. If I quiet my mind, and just listen I can hear insects , the clock ticking on the kitchen wall, a car leaving its driveway. Just as I was thinking we hadn't seen any squirrels lately, I heard some ruckus and looked out the window and guess who was climbing the neighbor's fence not 12 feet away? Squirrel. Now there's a funny word. My friend asked if my name could be a noun, what would it be. Squirrel did not spring to mind. Actually, Pashmina did. Does Pashmina sound like a fat girl? If your name was a noun what would it be? Protuberance? How about Kaleidoscope? or Quilt? Kinda funny ... if you think about it. I mean Quilt is not too different from Quinn or Chet.... John said yesterday he was thinking that if a police man stopped him... he would say, "Is there an officer, problem?" Can you tell it's summer vacation? the things we have time to think about.

saturday, july 17, 2010

Never have I enjoyed packing for a trip as much as I have today. Pete and I hit the road early and ran all sorts of errands in preparation for our trip to Wales in one week. Haircuts, dry cleaning for wedding finery, travel stuffs like quick drying towels for the boys while they are staying in hostels in Ireland and Scotland, and then we came home and did a virtual pack. So nice to be doing it not in a panic late at night while exhausted. We could shuffle around the house and make lists and discuss things like the best way to pack five suit jackets, dress shirts and dress slacks. Then we made dinner with four of the five recommended courses from a menu for grilled salmon. It was fun because I did the asparagus and the Burgundy salad (a classic from Burgundy, France) while Billy grilled the salmon and Pete concocted the saffron risotto. There was a simple feta, pepper and honey first course served on crackers. The washing machine has been running non stop lately, so I took a break from that chore. There's more that needs doing! but I've packed what I'm taking and am NOT taking them out of the suitcase. It feels good to be getting well prepared. Keeping in mind, however, Rick Steves' encouragement to let go of expectations once the trip commences and to just see it all as part of the adventure. Good advice for life too eh? Serenity now.

friday, july 16, 2010

Our Lady of Mt. Carmel... don't 'know much about Mt. Carmel. I'll look that up. Jesus' gospel today is the story of the disciples eating grain from a field on the Sabbath. The Pharisees criticize them for it and Jesus says, essentially, the Sabbath was made for man, and not the other way around. The Son of Man is the master of the temple. My wonderings want to lead me to the question: where in life do I allow structural demands to supercede the life of the Spirit? Where am I not hearkening to the life of God within and ignoring them for the sake of some "societal norm" or law that is outdated or not as important as the life giving spirit within. I spoke to a woman yesterday who will be coming to speak to our Women's Group .. the title of her talk "Women Responding with a Resounding Yes!" I'm thinking about the ways that I ignore the yes's within that yearn to be spoken. The yes's that I would love to act on: some ideas I have for quilts, some calls I would love to make, some questions I'd love to ask. It seems to me that the God of love and of life would like me to follow those promptings too. Often, I worry that the prompting isn't valid OR that I don't have the stamina to follow through on the prompting OR that it isn't a valid desire. Hmmm. Consider this posting an invitation to do that thing that is an answer to the prompting of the spirit within. (that you might dismiss or ignore.)

tuesday, july 13, 2010

I was in the habit of looking up whose saint's feast day it was each day, but I've lost that habit. I wonder if I could identify a saint in my own midst and celebrate their sanctity, their gift to our world in my own way. Hmm. It occurred to me that July 13th seems like the middle of summer. Halfway between Independence Day and Pete and Billy's birthdays. July 22 and July 24 respectively. It is also a few wks before we head to Wales for Amy's wedding. ETD: July 24. So, summer saints. Maybe I'll celebrate the gardeners in my life... Peggy, Diane down the street, ah, Moyra and Thad up at Farm Fresh to You, Sally and Jeff whose garden is a feast for the eye. In gratitude for their growing things this time of year... to honor them? I'll find a garden gnome and put some flowers with it and say a prayer for them. Got any other ideas?

july 12, 2010-monday

This is from the prophet Isaiah! "Put away your misdeeds from before my eyes; cease doing evil; learn to do good. Make justice your aim: redress the wronged, hear the orphan's plea, defend the widow." Here Isaiah says that Yahweh is telling the Israelites that he doesn't need any more animal sacrifice. What he yearns for? Listed above. What I hear? Love one another. Isaiah lived in the 700's B.C. The second Isaiah lived in the 500's B.C. Either Isaiah lived a LONG time before Jesus of Nazareth. The message was and is still: love one another. What does that look like? what does it mean to love someone? To trust in, believe in, hope for, care for, forgive another. What else ...no, seriously, I mean it? what else must I do.... reminds me of the rich young man who asks Jesus : what must I do to inherit the kingdom? Jesus says: give everything away and follow me. OMIGOSH! That is asking an awful lot! So, what are my riches that I must give up? and what would following His path look like? I'll take my answer off line. I'm gonna go sing about it in my car.... har!

saturday, july 9, 2010

Sisters, today, let us begin again. Today's gospel reading is from Matthew and is a favorite I think. "Are not two sparrows sold for a small coin? Yet not one of them falls to the ground without your Father's knowledge. Even all the hairs of your head are counted. So do not be afraid; you are worth more than many sparrows." Jesus points here to the way that his Father loves all of his children. And not only loves us, but loves us so particularly that he can account for each hair on our heads. That almost sounds like teenage idol worship. Or a parent infatuated with her child. Like most children whose parents are that enthralled with them, we might be uncomfortable with that much "being known". Particularly if it exhibits itself in a way that makes us feel like we're under the microscope. Try to imagine a loving parent who cherishes us that much and who allows us the freedom to be children of God. Try to imagine being that child who values that freedom enough to BE a child of God. What freedom we are invited to! BTW: we're witnessing the blossoming of a fly colony. We must have had 25 flies in our house last night and looking out my living room window, I see more flies landing on the neighbor's fence. Could it be that Robbie's composting experiment has resulted in a fly planet in our back yard? or ? They're just being flies. Today we're hiking on Mt. Tamalpais .. doing what people do.

july 8, 2010

From Matthew's gospel, chapter 10: "If the house is worthy, let your peace come upon it; if not, let your peace return to you." Matthew's Jesus is speaking to his apostles as he advises them on their discipleship. He is sending them out to preach the coming of the kingdom and here is addressing the inevitable happening: some will not receive or welcome the news. His suggestion is to hold on to the peace of the good news and carry on. This is such sage advice it seems to me. For some reason, I especially need to hear it. From a lot of angles. One, it is good to be reminded that not everyone is going to like you. That's a fact. and Two, move on! and keep your eye on the prize! Oh, and of course, there is the challenge of remembering Jesus' peace... which takes constant prayer. My goal for this week is to turn to prayer, in what ever shape or form that takes... my current favorite: singing in the car a made up prayer, which is amusing cuz I am not really a songwriter in real life, and because what surfaces as my prayer is sometimes a surprise.. but I try to go with it and am delighted that my songwriter self knows better what I need to ask God for than my fold my hands, and kneel-before-God self.

july 1, 2010

"Which is easier, to say, ‘Your sins are forgiven,’or to say, ‘Rise and walk’? But that you may know that the Son of Man has authority on earth to forgive sins”—he then said to the paralytic, “Rise, pick up your stretcher, and go home.” He rose and went home. When the crowds saw this they were struck with awe and glorified God who had given such authority to men." From Matthew's gospel we see Jesus revealing a new understanding of our relationship to his father and to eachother. In Jesus' day, I've been told, that if a person were afflicted with poor health, it was understood that that person was a sinner and that was God's judgement. In this story, Jesus shows us what authority we have as sons and daughters of God. Jesus got into trouble with the religious authorities of his day for healing people and claiming to have power from God. What wrath do we risk by reaching out to those who stand in the margins?

time to say goodbye june 25, 2010

i found a video on the internet of a water fountain display in Dubai. It is the most elaborate I have ever seen. Accompanying it on the youtube video was the song "Time to Say Goodbye" sung by Sara Brightman and Andrea Boccelli (sp). Tomorrow my parents return to their home in Denver and after over thirty years you'd think I would get used to it. Nah. It doesn't seem right to me that they should live so far away from all of their children. Such is life. I hate saying goodbye. I have always hated saying goodbye. I've learned to cover as best I can . Generally a few tears sneak their way onto my face. Ugh. When I was in college and I had opted to leave the University of North Dakota after a year and a half, my sweet roommates Kristi and Linda wanted to drive me to the airport to see me off. I was adamant that I did not want that to happen. i'd rather leave them in the dorm with less fanfare. They challenged me, but I was steadfast. I KNEW that I would be a wreck. Being young, I had less experience with goodbyes and my young heart I knew would shudder in paroxysms and I imagined that I would collapse if I'd had to say the big goodbye at the foot of the airplane. My friends loved me! and they were transparent about it. and I loved them. I didn't really want to say goodbye. I didn't know what that meant, exactly, or did I? Maybe I was becoming aware that goodbyes are leaping into the unknown and while carrying memories and relationships with us, we are also leaving behind people and places. God knows, I have done a lot of this in my vagabond life as a military dependent. So, once again, my parents will leave driving off into the sunrise tomorrow morning. Do parents have any idea how much their children love them? I'm often aware that children must have no idea how much we parents love them.... but it must be built in. Time to say goodbye. Waaaaaaa. Check out this fountain: http://www.flixxy.com/burj-khalifa-fount...

june 24 solemnity of st. john the baptist

Today is John the Baptist's feast day. I heard a reflection on his role in the life of the Church given by a soft spoken Hispanic priest from the United States Catholic Conference of Bishops' website this morning. He, like so many others, has been enjoying the World Cup soccer matches. He likened St. John the Baptist to a coach. John was apparently Jesus' cousin and he himself was a tender of souls. His admonitions to repent and be saved are like coaching. John prepared the people of Jesus' day for the ministry of Jesus. With humility, John recognized that Jesus was a "greater player" and that his job was to ready the field for Jesus to plant and spread the good news. I like this image a lot. It's not a perfect analogy, because I see Jesus' father as being the real coach, but the other point that the priest made was that we are to be like John with eachother. We are to encourage one another to hearken to the voice of God in us... to be the best we can be in our spiritual lives. It seems to me that what John did and what we are invited to do is just to remind eachother that we are children of God and that we are well loved. Knowing that, we are free to love one another. With so many other messages about who we are or are supposed to be, this message can strangely be missed. Thank you St. John the Baptist... for pointing the way.

thursday, june 17, 2010

Remember to take time for yourself. I was reminded of that this morning by my life coach. The family is heading up to our favorite place, The Sea Ranch, and it will be so wonderful to be with everybody all together. To fully enjoy the company though it's good to get a little space to just be... today's gospel has Jesus teaching the disciples his favorite prayer, The Our Father. Thy Kingdom come.

monday, june 14, 2010

after years of living in Livermore, in the valley, where it gets well over 100 degrees for weeks at a time, I am still so grateful when the fog reaches us here on the other side of the East Bay hills. The air moves and is the definition of fresh. I remember when I moved here in 1977 and was a student at St. Mary's College. The brilliant white fog clouds would roll in over the Golden Gate Bridge and the sight of them was breathtaking. It meant our natural air conditioner had been turned on and it was a matter of hours til we felt the cool damp air seep into our atmosphere and cool our skin. It is always lovely to sleep when the fog blankets the neighborhood. Today is one of those days. Thank heaven. I feel alive and like I can move and think and do. I am grateful, that is all.

inheritance, june 12, 2010

The story from the gospel today is the one where Jesus disappears on his parents in jerusalem and they search for him for three days and find him in the Temple. He says to his mom, "did'nt you know I had to be in my Father's house?" I'm picturing that a lot of teenagers used that line with their parents when they snuck out of the house to go play. I was struck by this development in the family dynamic. Jesus, acc. to the gospel, is about 12 yrs old. Maybe that was considered an age of departure... puberty, leaving mama, finding his own identity. For a first time mom, with our oldests, it is quite shocking to discovery that our sons have their own identity and part of that identity is that he does not have to report to you. He is beholden to you, he is related to you, but his identity is his own and his achievements, his activities, his inner thoughts are all his. It is essential that he be given our blessing... and maybe that is what Mary did. At the end of the gospel reading it says that Mary "held all these things in her heart". I'm having a hard time holding all these things in my heart. However, I am being given the permission (kick in the ***) to find my own identity outside of this house. It is very tough to be at one and the same time, holding on to these relationships , as they are more and more sidelined, and to step out and seek my own life. The tug is always more in the direction of these relationships... but the boys don't need me. As far as they are concerned,, they have received all they need. Jesus returned to Nazareth and was obedient to his parents. Hmmm. That word is hardly in the vocabulary of this generation. Nor would I know what to do with that kind of deference. How can I get clear about what I must do for my own life? Seek LIFE!! where it can be found. A friend recently told me about his discovery of rowing in his life. He committed to drive an hour away from his home in order to join a crew team. Let him be my inspiration!!!

wednesday, june 9, 2010

The disciples are quizzing Jesus again. I'm trying a new way to understand the scripture readings for the day. St. Ignatius of Loyola, the founder of the Jesuit order, recommended that we enter into the gospel through our imaginations. Imagine that we are there in the story as a participant ( a disciple, the donkey Mary rode to Bethlehem, a star shining above, whatever) and then imagine how the air felt, what the mood was, what the thoughts were of others in the story, what were the sound and meaning of the words Jesus spoke. In today's reading, (Matthew 5:17-)Jesus explains that he has come not to abolish the law but to fulfill it. I can so see myself in this story trying to make sense of Jesus' person. Okay, now what does he want us to believe? I've grown up with this law handed down to us by our ancestors and what are we supposed to do with that? and Jesus, ever gracious and authoritative, says oh no, leave none of that behind. That is all true! Abandon nothing of our spiritual ancestors, but know that I am the fulfillment. What I have to reveal to you about salvation is the just the final word. Be alert. Be expansive enough to include it all. Open your minds and your hearts and your souls and leave nothing out that is good. In a way, maybe he is trying to help the disciples avoid the either/or choice and invite them to open wide to the reality of both/and. Maybe a part of our nature wants to create the us against them stance. Jesus seems to be very clear on this. His life is a piece of God's revelation. This feels like an invitation to me to see a wider horizon, to paint in broader strokes, to see God as active in all of life and to draw my eyes open wider to the ways he is inviting my heart to love more.

sunday, holy trinity

from "Skyspace", Pomona College, artist James Turrell

When I was little and I heard the phrase Holy Ghost, Holy Spirit or Holy Trinity I was kinda confused. but also intrigued. I like the word "holy" and refuse to allow it's snarky use to adulterate my sense of it. It sounds lit up... whole... glowing w/ goodness (we've all met people like that) and oddly, to me, grounded. When I was little, I didn't have any associations with the dove that symbolized the Holy Ghost or tongues of fire that hovered over the disciples on Pentecost. The Holy Spirit was with Mary and voila, she conceived. Hmm? Today is the feast of the Holy Trinity. That one still eludes me. Father, Son, and Spirit. How about Mother, Daughter and Spirit? I don't have anything against fathers and sons. Perhaps I can see in that trio an association that is so close.. that of parent and child and the love that exists there in that relationship. I am blown away continually by the similarity of parents and their children... fathers and daughters, mothers and sons, in particular blows me away. But, essentially I am amazed by genetics. By how a daughters eyes look EXACTLY like her father's or a son's feet look just like his mother's, only bigger. The way parent and child think in a similar way... all of it!


So, as Jesus incarnates his father... whom we can not see... he reveals to us the nature of God... and the Spirit? that love that informs their activity in the world. Does that make sense? this is where I am stymied. How would you describe the Holy Spirit? and the Holy Trinity?

sweet peas and beans

and so it goes. Dinner with the family. Nothing beats it. Sitting down to a meal lovingly prepared by more than just mom to nourish our bodies and our souls. Tonight I tried cooking fava beans. We received a bag of them in our bi monthly organic produce delivery. I have never seen them or cooked them in my entire life. I popped them out of their pods, boiled them for 5 minutes and then put them in an ice bath. Then I removed the shells for each bean and them sauteed them in olive oil and butter and garlic. They were a beautiful bright green and had a lovely texture and flavor after being cooked in that winning combination of butter and garlic. Robbie helped me pop them out of their shells after they'd been cooked once. We agreed that it'd be more fun to sit out on the back porch with our aprons hanging between our knees with our friends doing likewise and snapping the pods, removing the beans. This vegetable takes some serious prep time. This experience was the antidote though to the sometimes domestic dulling experience of "nothing new under the sun". These were new to us! and we relished our introduction. Michael Pollan would be proud.

May 20, 2010

for me writing is prayer. I am overwhelmed with gratitude now for all the blessings our sons enjoy. Good friends, good teachers, nourishment, that still small voice that I know whispers to them and to whom they listen, for all the people who've cheered them on since they were born and for those who've just discovered them and delighted in them and been touched by them. I am grateful for the fact that I am here to behold them. I am grateful that Pete is their dad. I guess I should be grateful for the challenges they've had and will have. These are life's great teachers. Ugh. In particular, I am grateful at this moment for Robbie's experience at Pomona.. for his water polo experience and his classes and teachers and fellow classmates and for Martha, his best friend and lovey.

feast of the ascension

A prayer a mother could love, for Tommy on his 26th birthday:
from 1 Thessalonians 5:23
May God himself, the God of peace, sanctify you in every way and preserve your life and your soul and your body without blemish, at the coming of our Lord Jesus Christ.

Your grandfather told me a story today on the occasion of your birthday. He remembered when you visited them in Vandenberg Village and he took you to the fire house. The firemen talked to you about the truck and stuff and you asked questions and they answered. Back and forth and finally they asked how old you were and you said "I'll be three on the 13th of May." They were quite shocked to learn you were only two. I just thought that was normal for little kids to be so verbal and I learned subsequently, not so. Happy Birthday, Thomas Patrick Hayes. You shine like the sun!! and I DO pray for you as St. Paul did for his peops. (Pictured: Uncle Karl, Tommy and Godmother Aunt Peggy)

Friday, April 30, 2010

In today's gospel reading from John 14, Jesus says to his disciples: “Do not let your hearts be troubled." I remember the first time I "heard" this reading. Ahhhhhh. It didn't sound the same as "Don't worry". I'm reminded of when Jesus says to Peter "get behind me Satan" or words to that effect. When friends have discouraged me from doing what I felt called to do because they were afraid I'd get hurt, I have wanted to say "get behind me Satan". Sometimes, God equips us to do exactly what appears to others to be foolish, dangerous, and not worthwhile. It can seem to others to be a waste of time. Once, I considered going to our parish priest and telling him what I perceived to be the truth. Friends raised their voices and said "No! Don't Go!" I really had a deep sense that it was a good thing to do. They feared for me and had little faith in .... the truth? God? me? the priest? In the end, I didn't go and speak my truth. It's been long enough that I don't remember if events proved my friends right, but I remember distinctly the dilemma I was caught in. I would hope that now I would listen to Jesus when he says "Do not let your hearts be troubled." and persist in listening to and answering the call. It is precisely when fear or negative thoughts slip in to the situation that I can hearken to Jesus invitation "Do not let your hearts be troubled."

spring rains

View from my kitchen window, while it rains.

I have never enjoyed spring rains so much. Well, I haven't been out in my boots sloshing through the gutters the way we did when we were kids. This time, I'm just thankful for the moisture in the air and in the ground and for the life it brings. I don't remember spring rains like this in California. I remember winter rains for sure. These rains are so quickly followed by sunshine, blue sky and rainbows and birds singing their hearts out. The trees are green now too, which is a difference. Lilacs are in bloom and poppies and lupine and lavender. The earth is bursting forth with life and as if in blessing, the sky offers a nice shower to cleanse it all. I'm loving it!! Worms are out, as are the newts and the slugs. I went swimming in the wind and rain yesterday. So I got doubly washed. Benediction.

all are called to holiness

I listened to a blog video show this morning with Fr. Jim Martin, S.J. and the minister of a Unitarian Universalist Church in L.A., Peter Laarman. It was a spirited and respectful conversation between the two ministers centered on the topics of celibacy and chastity and the "hermetically sealed" clerical culture of the hierarchy of the Catholic Church. It was an hour long discussion but well worth the listen. Among other things, they pointed out the kind of power wielded by Catholic sisters... on the front lines often working with those living in the margins (right where Jesus hung out) and many other holy people, priests, brothers, sisters and lay folk. One expression that Fr. Jim articulated I especially was taken with: "we are all called to be holy." Ah, yes. That. When I taught high school girls I liked the explanation for "holiness" that said... holiness comes from the same word as "whole"... God's hope for us is wholeness. Integrity, dignity, bearers of light and love. That is our identity as children of God. Need to be reminded of that, often.

tuesday, april 13, 2010

Pete and i were walking last night and I wondered out loud about the severity of the Rule of St. Benedict. I read a bit of it each day that is posted on "Universalis" home page. The Rule spells out how the sisters are to live in the community and how the abbott or abbess is to handle situations, like what clothes the sisters are to own, and what to do with the money that the women have when they enter the community and how to discipline the sisters when they "talk during meals." One disciplinary measure is to have the sisters lie prostrate before the abbess. Another that is often used is separating the sister from the group somehow. Shame seems to be popular. Anyway, I wondered outloud what must the world have been like to have such severity within the community to create order and obedience. We guessed that at the point in Europe when the Rule was written by Benedict, things were pretty wild and wooly. Rome had fallen, barbarians ran across the land, and there may have been a very real sense that what was needed was order! Not to mention, just the challenge of creating a community that could harmoniously survive. What I have to use my imagination for: what did life in the community look like? there probably was a fair amount of friction, irritation, bickering, work.. but if I put on my Zefferelli lens I can see too that there was living color beauty too... women and men who strove to live in harmony, who loved God as best they could, who sought direction and mentoring from a mature monk or sister, who every day took up their cross and with the support of the community grew in God's grace. Imagine having every aspect of your life scrutinized by an abbess! What serves in our lives to curb appetites, and to require obedience to God's call? How well does my conscience operate? I'm just askin'.

monday, april 12, 2010 Roger's birthday

Happy Birthday to my youngest, sweetest brother in law. I'll never forget the best hug I ever got was from Roger, right after his wedding ceremony took place. He and my sister Jennie got married in a concelebrated ceremony. Roger is a faithful German Swedish Michigan Lutheran and Jennie is military brat Irish Catholic. Both a Lutheran minister and a Catholic priest presided over the wedding. One of our fondest memories of that event, btw, was when the brand new young minister explained to the wedding party that they were to keep their eyes on the cross as the entrance song was being played. They were NOT to turn and look at the bride as she came down the aisle with her father. Pete and my brother, Rob, were groomsmen and they listened to the minister as he explained his rationale for this variation on the bridal procession norm. As soon as the music swelled, Rob and Pete did a pivot and turned to face Jennie as she came smiling down the aisle. The renegades. The same thought ran through their heads: are you kidding? we are here to celebrate Jennie and Roger.. Jesus is here in our midst.. and he is all about Jennie and Roger. She and he were both radiant. Back to the hug: so I met up with the wedding party briefly back in the hall way adjacent to the altar. I ran into Roger first and went to give him a hug. When Roger's happy it is no secret. Dimples in his cheeks, twinkling blue eyes and a killer smile that all adds up to infection! Total hug! My mother used to say of some guys: "He's built like a Mack truck" and that would fit Roger's description. I'm used to hugging tall guys. Roger is my size but built like a Mack truck. You KNOW you've been hugged when you meet the truck. Total joy! I'll never forget it! HAPPY BIRTHDAY ROGER!! You're the best!! Wishing you a year of happy hugs!

feast of st. john baptiste de la salle

Today (it said in other years and I don't know what that means) is the feast day of St. John Baptiste de la Salle. Since Pete, his uncle and grandfather and now our four boys were educated by the Brothers of the Christian Schools and then Itoo, when I attended a Christian Brothers' College, I owe a great debt of gratitude to this man. He was born in Rheims in France in 1651. He became a priest and devoted himself wholeheartedly to the education of children, founding schools for the poor. He and his colleagues formed a congregation called the Brothers of the Christian Schools, in whose cause he suffered many tribulations. He died in Rouen in 1719. In thanksgiving to all of the brothers who taught me and Pete and for the charism that lives on through the lay men and women teaching in his schools. I do believe that most teachers and religious women and men at Christian Bros. schools do try very very hard to "love, guide and instruct"(in that order) in the tradition of St. John. In gratitude for the effort and especially for the times they have succeeded in touching so many lives in a Christ like way. I've witnessed it myself. Okay, for example, I had a priest pull me out of class one day and share that he had read my writing and that he didn't think I was living up to my potential in terms of class work. Oops. While I was embarassed, it was a great gesture of generosity for him to address me in all seriousness. I'll never forget Fr. Edgar McCarren... beautiful Irishman with a beatific smile and a passion for education.

wednesday, april 7, 2010

mystery! the gospel reading today recounts the event from Emmaus. The disciples are on their way to Emmaus and a stranger joins them on the road. They share the story of what has happened in Jerusalem in the last week and the stranger appears to know nothing about them. They tell the story and as they talk they begin to recognize a familiar friend. It is when they break bread with him, that they are certain of who it is .. Jesus. Oh, and how they loved him. He is still with them! I wish I could paint a picture of the shift that happened in them as it dawned on them who this person was. He was in their midst... still. He was not lost to them. I heard a beautiful reflection this morning on this reading given by a woman from Savannah. She ended her talk by saying: Can we let Jesus be that companion on the journey of life? (something like that.) and she is right to say it the way she did, I think. Can we LET Jesus be our companion? Can we invite God into our worries and our fears and doubts? trusting the one who loves us with an abiding love to care for us and help us. I pray for this confidence.

Easter Tuesday, April 6, 2010

i thank you God for most this amazing... (65)
e.e. cummings
poem

I remember when I first read this poem.. what a discovery!


i thank You God for most this amazing
day: for the leaping greenly spirits of trees
and a blue true dream of sky; and for everything
which is natural which is infinite which is yes

(i who have died am alive again today,
and this is the sun's birthday; this is the birth
day of life and love and wings: and of the gay
great happening illimitably earth)

how should tasting touching hearing seeing
breathing any--lifted from the no
of all nothing--human merely being
doubt unimaginable You?

(now the ears of my ears awake and
now the eyes of my eyes are opened)

Holy Thursday!

just discovered pink ranunculus coming up and getting ready to bloom, red orange and white freesias in bloom, our new apple tree outside our bedroom window has pink and white blossoms on it. I moved our basil plant into the sun. It was in the shadows of the ebullient Italian flat parsley plant. The chard plants will remain in their squares until a new tomato plant arrives to replace it. For some reason, the chard did not take off this season. Not sure why not. Pete and I watched a documentary film entitled "Botany of Desire" with Michael Pollan, and the lovely Frances McDormand narrating. The subject? potatoes, tulips, cannabis, and apples. Visually, a feast. The analysis: the interplay between man and plants through the years. McDonald's and its diners influence on the potato industry. The Dutch's fascination with the tulip and its impact on their history/economy. The history of the potato.. from South America to Ireland to Idaho. The sordid story of marijuana's journeys from Mexico to Mendocino County, and Johnny Appleseeds unintended provision of hard cider through his spread of apples on the frontier leading to the push for prohibition. Apples grow wild in Kazakstan (sp)... and there are farmers crazy for apples working hard in upstate NY to enlarge the genetic variety of apples to save them. Listening to Michael Pollan inspired me to think again about what I put into my body. I can not boast about resisting a french fry on someone's plate. I don't want to make a religion of food.. but I could make an effort to eat more plants, and consider if I'm ingesting nutrients or not, eh? I think I'll go share an orange with John... or an apple... and be thankful.

I am not looking forward to Holy Week. I never do. This Sunday will be Palm Sunday and then two people dear to me will have major surgeries on Monday and Tuesday. Am reminded of how connected we all are. I have always loved the notion of the soul. It hasn't gotten much press in my own children's lives, and am grateful for this poem by C.K. Williams in the Jan/Feb. issue of The Atlantic:

Brain

I was traversing the maze of my brain: corridors, corners, strange narrow caverns, dead ends. Then all at once my being like this in my brain, this sense of being my brain became unbearable to me.

I began to wonder in dismay if the conclusion I'd long ago come to that there can be nothingthat might reasonably be postulated as the soul apart from body and mind was entirely valid.

Why, as many I cherish-Herbert, Hopkins, Weil-have believed, shouldn't there be a substance neither thought nor matter that floats above both, lifts from both as mist at dawn lifts from a lake?

Here was only this cavern registering the hours of my life, and dissipating, misplacing all but so few. If I could posit a soul, might this be its task: to salvage in a convincing way all that I'd lost?

Would that be what's meant by consolation? And if there were a soul, and its consolations, would I perceive the mist and lake of other souls, too? Would I love them more than I already do?

And the lake, and the dawn, and the rudderless barque I picture there: would I love all that more, too? And the mountain behind, scribbled with trees? And the lace of the dark seeping down, seeping down?

March 15, 2010

three weeks til Easter. We are more than halfway there. It's been 26 days since Ash Wednesday. Yesterday we were in Gualala taking our leave after a restful, rejuvenating four days at The Sea Ranch. We had to return our keys, do a little bridal shower shopping at our favorite shop (Placewares), and drop off our recyclables. We also went to mass at Mary Star of the Sea Church up on the hill overlooking the ocean. Architecturally the church itself is lovely... lots of light, lots of light colored wood and a cement floor painted the color of water. As one looks out there are tall trees and the ocean in the distance and until very recently, a small garden and several headstones from early settlers. This time Pete noticed a new path and what looked like a station from the Stations of the Cross. It was! a crew of parishioners have installed a path into the woods with stations along the way. Simple blue and white ceramic tiles with images from Christ's passion and death tell our story. The story of our salvation. Without his hanging from a tree for all to see.. would we know how much God loves us? As much as we seem to run away from that truth... I'm not sure anything short of the gift of his life would get through to us. I think I'm going to find an outdoor set of the station s in my neighborhood, walk and recollect the story. Before it's Easter.. and I won't know what it's all about.

Don't know much trigonometry

from the book of Deutoronomy and today's readings: “However, take care and be earnestly on your guard not to forget the things which your own eyes have seen, nor let them slip from your memory as long as you live, but teach them to your children and to your children’s children.” Here, Moses is speaking to the people of Israel and encouraging them to remain faithful to the Lord, their God. He reminds them to hold on to their own experience and to share that experience with their children. Memory is very important to the Jewish people. I asked the question a while ago: if we are the Body of Christ, what part of the body are you? The answers from people were astounding. My sister: left hip. Another sister: shoulders. Another: arms.
another: ears. Two of my elders I would suggest are "memory". Their favorite thing to do is to recall events from the past. One is a story teller. The other is an historian. In any case, they both hold on to pieces of stories and are compelled to relate them to people who will listen. Because I have a poor memory, I really marvel at and appreciate this contribution to my world view. My mother in law can chronicle the history of the East Bay, in particular her neighborhood, which store used to be where and who owned it and to whom they were married and divorced. It goes on! My father likes to tell stories about his family in southern Ohio. I think most of them are true, but in any event, they are all amusing and worth the listen. They reveal the culture from which he came and to some extent, genetically from whence I came!Like the time his father threw a rock and hit the bull right between the eyes, felling the bull. All in self defense. Feats of strength figure prominently. It is important to remember. and in particular, to remember how God has been with me.. "faithful and ever living God"... always.

March 9, 2010 A Good Woman

My sister Peggy in her new sweater that matches my walls!

Feast of St. Frances of Rome. She was a good woman. I know so many and Pope Benedict will never hear of them. Today's readings are BEAUTIFUL. They speak of God's tender mercy for his people and in the gospel today Jesus teaches us that we are to forgive those who trespass against us seventy times seven times. That is not unreasonable if we consider how much our God loves us over and over and over again and loves us even when we turn our backs on our call to relationship with the Holy One. I think it's hard to imagine that there is a love like that. The closest I come is how much I love my chillens. Last night I was remembering how when the boys were little we'd lounge around on our bed.. when they were two and three feet tall!... and stare at the ceiling, talk and I would worship their little selves. They were such miracles. Every word they said was brilliant or funny. They were beautiful!!! to me. Lying still in our bed gave me the eyes to see how lovely they were and allowed me to be very present to them. Lying still. Just hanging out. I'm so grateful for that memory that came unannounced and unsought last night. I was waiting for Pete to come to bed and had time to just lie there. Remembering. Gift. That is how much we are each loved... .like that. Even with snotty noses, morning breath, cradle cap, (I saw all those things too), and dirty diapers. We are LOVED.