time to say goodbye

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QbN0g8-zbdY Most years the New Year creeps up on me and I am caught. I haven't had time to reflect back on the year I am about to leave. Wait! Because I have such a poor memory, I am grief stricken at the realization that I will forget the life I've lived over the last 12 months. I want to remember: the people in my life, the places I've been, the events.. well, I'd love to be able to remember every moment. Maybe that's my definition of heaven: every moment suspended in eternity to be cherished in its sublimity. "Just to be is a blessing, just to live is holy." That is a blessing the boys always picked for our dinner table prayer, because it was the briefest one in our book of graces. I guess I'm grateful now that they picked that one over and over again, because I can recall it. Even though this song sung by Andrea Bocelli and Sarah Brightman is poignant and makes me think about saying goodbye to this year, I think I'll entertain the notion of saying goodbye, but I'll also know that all that I don't remember is held in trust by God for me... time is not ALL we have.

december 24, 2009

From the gospel of Luke: "In the tender compassion of our God the dawn from on high shall break upon us, to shine on those who dwell in darkness and the shadow of death, and to guide our feet into the way of peace.” In the practice of lectio divina, or holy reading, we're invited to note what in the text jumps out at us. Ask yourself the question: did a line or phrase or single word grab your attention? Recognize that in the word or phrase that God might be present to you. Sometimes I read the text and nothing grabs me. But, today, these last words in Luke's gospel reading grabbed me. I think I'll try to remember this phrase today...

monday, four days til Christmas

What to do to prepare at this point? When I was a first time mother the preparation for the baby was thorough and energetic. There was still an urgency with our fourth. Every baby deserves clean diapers, clean clothes and bedding, a clean house. what else? a safe carseat and stroller. A comfy infant seat. a baby bathtub. The rubbing alcohol and q-tips for the umbilical cord. baby washcloths and towel. Changing table. Well, atleast half of the items on that list aren't mandatory. What does a newborn need? a mother. and someone to love the mother. An older generation to love the new family. According to the story of Mary and Joseph, there was this cast of characters... a mother, a father, and grandparents. Remember Anne and Joachim? Going back though to the child's mother and little family community. Had this family any idea what child this was they were about to meet? None. Praying for all expectant mothers.. that they may anticipate with joy the miracle about to enter their lives and for those who love her and the new child. and for all of us who anticipate Christmas... that joy will spring in our lives as we invite that Light who seeks a home in our lives. Check out this youtube video:
Pregnancy and Baby Portraits by: Mary Ann Halpin Photography

december 18, 2009, friday

One week til Christmas. It's been 10 days since my last posting. I have missed this part of my spiritual practice. Writing is an important way for me to gain access to what I know. As in, deeply know. It's been foggy and grey here lately in our neck of the woods. My relatives in VA have posted pictures of their 9 inches of snow and counting. They are all housebound. An insurmountable excuse to stay home and do nothing. We here in the lowlands of CA seldom if ever have that excuse. I remember being in North Dakota and being housebound during blizzards. There's nothing like it!

december 9, 2009

from Isaiah: "Do you not know or have you not heard? The LORD is the eternal God, creator of the ends of the earth. He does not faint nor grow weary, and his knowledge is beyond scrutiny. He gives strength to the fainting; for the weak he makes vigor abound. Though young men faint and grow weary, and youths stagger and fall, They that hope in the LORD will renew their strength, they will soar as with eagles’ wings; They will run and not grow weary, walk and not grow faint." This sounds like the dreams of young boys. I remember the boys talking about super powers when they were younger.... "Mom, if you had a super power, what would it be?" I said "heal people"... which I think disappointed. Their ideas were things like: being able to travel invisibly through walls or to slide instead of walk. Now, as their ideas about God or no God percolate, I think, wow, if they could only take Isaiah's word for it... if one is buddies with God, then you can "run and not grow weary"! Why am I worried about them? I should be worried about my own faith. O, Holy One/Great Healer, help me tie on my virtual stethoscope and listen to the heartbeat and the breathing of those around me. Amen. I love the idea of walking through walls and sliding down, what street, you name it... .Market Street in San Francisco? South Lucile Lane to the bike path?

when do the lion and the lamb sit down together?

Okay, I'm getting anxious. I'm ready for the lion and the lamb to sit down together. Does that happen soon? Thankfully, I do not live in or move in circles where there is a lot of conflict. Physical, political, social or familial. But, I am aware that coming out of the Bush years I was aware of a polarization in the political sphere. In the realm of the Church, there is a deep division between the far right and the liberals, if those terms can be used in connection with the Church. I remember when Obama was elected I vowed that I would do more to be a positive force. Seeing the effort that would be required to address the many issues the country faced, I felt that it was the least I could do but to step up a little more and seek higher ground somehow. I really didn't know how that was going to happen. Sometimes i can not see how in the world the differences can possibly be reconciled. I'm not sure still. But, with Christmas coming, with our hope in the incubator, so to speak, I can not help but be hopeful that the Light of the World, who lives within all God's people, will prevail. So be it.

Isaiah

Today's readings are familiar ones. Isaiah: "On this mountain the LORD of hosts will provide for all peoples a feast of rich food and choice wines, juicy, rich food and pure, choice wines. On this mountain he will destroy the veil that veils all peoples, the web that is woven over all nations; he will destroy death forever. The Lord GOD will wipe away the tears from all faces; ..." The second reading is taken from the psalms: Psalm 23-"The Lord is my shepherd; I shall not want. In verdant pastures he gives me repose; Beside restful waters he leads me;he refreshes my soul. Even though I walk in the dark valley I fear no evil; for you are at my side with your rod and your staff that give me courage. You spread the table before me in the sight of my foes; You anoint my head with oil; my cup overflows. Only goodness and kindness follow me all the days of my life; And I shall dwell in the house of the LORD for years to come." The gospel is taken from Matthew 15:29-37 At that time: Jesus walked by the Sea of Galilee, went up on the mountain, and sat down there. Great crowds came to him, having with them the lame, the blind, the deformed, the mute,and many others. They placed them at his feet, and he cured them. The crowds were amazed when they saw the mute speaking, the deformed made whole, the lame walking, and the blind able to see, and they glorified the God of Israel.
Jesus summoned his disciples and said,“My heart is moved with pity for the crowd, for they have been with me now for three days and have nothing to eat. I do not want to send them away hungry, for fear they may collapse on the way.” The disciples said to him,“Where could we ever get enough bread in this deserted place to satisfy such a crowd?” Jesus said to them, “How many loaves do you have?” “Seven,” they replied, “and a few fish.” He ordered the crowd to sit down on the ground. Then he took the seven loaves and the fish, gave thanks, broke the loaves,and gave them to the disciples, who in turn gave them to the crowds. They all ate and were satisfied. They picked up the fragments left over–seven baskets full."

I read a story this morning on Beliefnet.com about two Air Force officers stationed at Bagram AFB in Afghanistan. Witnessing the poverty in Afghanistan, they devised a way to elicit help from Americans. Each rallying the fans of their alma maters, they are collecting warm clothing, shoes and school supplies. Longhorn fans at Arlington are now competing with the Oklahoma Sooner fans for the greatest amount of aid for Afghanistans in need. Cool idea, huh?

I'm reminded of a hymn we sing:

Awake from your slumber! Arise from your sleep! A new day is dawning for all those who weep. The people in darkness have seen a great light. The Lord of our longing has conquered the night.
Refrain: Let us build the city of God. May our tears be turned into dancing. For the Lord our light and our love has turned the night into day.

God bless this first Wednesday of Advent.

November 28th

Today is my grandfather, Joseph Edward Flynn's, birthday. He would be one hundred and two years old. He died in 1984 when he was only 75. My grandmother, his wife, went on to live another 25 years. It is hard to imagine that he has been gone that long, and that he has not been alive during so much of her life and of mine. I was pregnant with our first baby when he died. It is hard for me to realize too that our boys don't know him at all. Didn't know him. He taught me how to play gin rummy, was one of the first adult males I knew, observed, loved. Although he was a distinguished military man who retired to become an academic professor, he was lovable. Wow, I'm getting old. Those early memories are so present to me... his eyes, his hair, his hands, the way he walked, the way he did dishes, the way he held the steering wheel when he drove the car. He certainly had a twinkle in his brown Irish eyes. My mother and my sister Peggy resemble and therefore remind me of him. Happy Birthday, Grandfather. I miss you.

gold

There are still yellow and red and even green leaves on the trees as of November 27. They are falling though as I sit here. Rain is coming and so many will be assisted in their falls. It feels like harvest to me.. even though we're not farmers. The boys are home, the leaves are falling, we planted winter vegetables yesterday and we're middle aged. Pete and I are both surprised how tired we seem to get after an evening of revelry or of a little yard work. We've vowed to get stronger. I think we have to up the ante. We joined the gym, but have managed about twice a week. We haven't managed even many walks lately. Today, we'll try to do it all... like New Years resolutions after a debauched New Years' Eve, I am bound to avoid the carbohydrates today after Thanksgiving dinner's carbo loading. It was SO GOOD though! So grateful .. for so many things. and when I feel this grateful, it's hard to simultaneously care about being penurious. Is that the word I'm looking for? Focus on the gold.

wednesday, the day before thanksgiving 2009

Let us pray. Hmm. That's what popped into my head as I started to begin writing.. The priest says that at points in the mass. "Let us pray." Then we all gather our selves to .. God. For me, this time at the keyboard is time to gather .. what the light seems to be shining upon. Today, Billy and Robbie are home. What a treat. Into the house comes their energy, each of them a force. Tommy and John will be home tonight too as will dear ole' Dad. Robbie and I are cookin' up a dinner so that we can sit down together and have a little family feast. I know that the dynamic is not altogether pleasing to everyone. Everyone gets on the nerves of somebody... but right now, I am overjoyed to have this little family of ours together, and the boys seem happy to be home. We all happened to eachother... and I am so grateful. Welcome home boys... always.

monday, november 23, 2009

the widow with the two coins. Today's gospel is about Jesus' observation of the poor widow who gave all she had to the temple offering. The wealthy gave from their excess. A commentary I read said that we might consider just surrendering a little bit, step by step, to a radical faith in God. What would that look like? I find this a little bit more approachable!! where in my life is there a "holding back"?

monday, november 22, 2009

Cristo Rey, November 21, 2009

From Luke's gospel: "For this I was born and for this I came into the world, to testify to the truth. Everyone who belongs to the truth listens to my voice." So, you say your a king? Well, no, I didn't say I was a king. Jesus responds to questioning by the Roman caesar. The political power seeks to establish who is in power? Among the Jews, this Jesus is now powerful? He is certainly making waves, having caught the attention of the religious establishment now too. What courage he possesses to stake his claim and not back down. He remains steadfast in his knowledge of the truth and in his preaching of it. I remember being little and knowing something to be true and being told by the grown ups in my world that I was wrong. The sensation within my Core Self was like the energy trapped in an incipient atomic explosion. I remember coming to an awareness that there are people and places where the truth is not heard. Certainly within my own self, there is a resistance to the truth. I used to tell the boys to put on their armor when they were facing a tough day at school. I was saying it kind of in jest to help them feel empowered.. but I'm thinking it would be good, in a similar vein, to invite the King to reside within me and be that voice reminding me of the truth. I need to consult the King of the Universe to act as the king of my universe. What would Christ the King look like in my imagining? Maybe the Jesus who spoke to the adulteress. Maybe the Jesus who commissioned Peter? Maybe the Jesus who died on the cross.

Thanksgiving, in anticipation of the feast

We gather today, Lord of abundant life, as grateful children. Delighted and humbled by our bounty, we celebrate gifts of food and shelter, of colors that dance at dawn and dusk; we relish the scent of cooking foods, of burning leaves and summer's wet grass, of snowflake, of animal fur. We marvel at the intricacy of spiders' webs and fish bones, newborn babies and lines etched on faces of grandparents come for a visit today. All gifts from Your hand. When our meal is completed, leftovers stashed, and naps taken, we will leave replete, energized, and eager to go generously into the world and share our good fortune.

I did not write this. I found it on Belief.net. I think I will make it a point though, of writing my own prayer of thanks... which will be a long long list, and I know will bring me to tears.

all things done with love

four of us, Pete, Tommy, John and I were priveleged to attend the military memorial service for a downed C 130 pilot yesterday at the Presidio in San Francisco. The oldest brother of four boys, Che joined the Coast Guard with hopes of flying. That he did. and that is how he died, doing a search and rescue mission off the coast of San Diego. His plane struck a Marine helicopter flying in formation on exercises in the same air space. The brothers had lost their mother nine years ago to breast cancer, having separated from their father years before with the divorce of their parents. Dad had moved to France. So much of the ceremony honored the memory of Che and honored the gift of his life. One of the most moving elements of the military honors was the presentation of the flag. A young, African American "coastie" with very erect military bearing slowly marched up the center aisle holding the folded flag before him, placing it on the center table as proscribed by protocol. We heard several speeches, including one each given by the brothers. At the end of the ceremony, the honor guard took the flag, ceremoniously and painstakingly unfolded it, and then reverently and painstakingly folded it again. The most touching part of the day for me was when the African American guardsman held the three cornered flag while another guard smoothed the already smooth triangle and then squeezed any remaining air out of the "package". It reminded me, on reflection, of the way that the priest cleans the chalice and folds the purificator at the eucharist. I've witnessed a priest do that kind of domestic chore on the altar with such reverence and love, that it brought me to tears. The flag is what usually rests on the casket of the deceased. In the absence of the body, the military has created a ritual that infuses every inch of that flag with reverence and love, that it can humanly convey. The flag was then given to the commanding officer, who in turn, gave it to the family. It also reminds me of the love that those of us who love put into making the beds of our beloveds: our spouses, our children, our grandparents and parents, all those we love.

november 16, feast of st. elizabeth of hungary

From today's gospel of Luke reading: "So he ran ahead and climbed a sycamore tree in order to see Jesus,who was about to pass that way. When he reached the place, Jesus looked up and said, 'Zacchaeus, come down quickly, for today I must stay at your house.' And he came down quickly and received him with joy." I love the dynamism of this story. Zacchaeus was short of stature, but he wanted to see Jesus. Jesus looked up! and found Zacchaeus! and invited him to "come down quickly". I imagine a part of me .. short of stature, but full of curiosity, stuck in an unsavory place (Z. was a tax collector, despised occupation).. .courageous enough to climb a tree to catch a glimpse of this man, Jesus. Ah! Not only am I noticed by Jesus, but he invites himself over to my house! I get to host ... this Jesus of Nazareth. What will we talk about? Zacchaeus sees that he must divest himself of his wealth for the sake of the poor. It is as clear as a perfect diamond. What possession am I liberated by giving away?

From Wikipedia, the stats on St. Elizabeth, whose image is one of a princess carrying roses:

Saint Elisabeth of Hungary (German: Heilige Elisabeth von Thüringen or Heilige Elisabeth von Ungarn, Hungarian: Árpád-házi Szent Erzsébet, July 7, 1207 – November 17, 1231)[1] is a Hungarian Catholic saint, princess of Hungary.[2] According to tradition, she was born in the castle of Sárospatak, Hungary, on July 7, 1207.[3][4][5] She was the daughter of King Andrew II of Hungary and Gertrude of Andechs-Merania, and at age four was brought to the court of the rulers of Thuringia in Central Germany, to become a future bride who would reinforce political alliances between the families. Elisabeth was married at the age of fourteen, widowed at twenty, relinquished her wealth to the poor, built hospitals, and became a symbol of Christian charity in Germany and elsewhere after her death at the age of twenty-four.

ahhhhhhhh!

It is finished! The seniors lost their final game of college water polo but you might not know it by looking at this picture. Daniel, David, Andrew, David Lee, Jason and Robbie are downright giddy. Wow! Life is full at this age. Countless hours of the past four years have been spent in the Pomona-Pitzer swimming pool and weight room. I know 4 of them spent a semester abroad; Nepal, Germany, Italy, Scotland. These six are very blessed young men. The parents? we've been pulling for them all along the way. So, for us? this chapter is finished too... I am so grateful that Robbie had these fellow pilgrims and we, their parents, for this piece of the journey, and vice versa.

feast of st. leo, pope and doctor of the church

Tuesday, November 10th, Feast of St. Leo. My father in law is Thomas Leo Hayes, likely named for this famous pope of the 5th century. He is perhaps best known for having met Attila the Hun outside Rome in 452, persuading him to turn back from his invasion of Western Europe. He is also credited with the dogma of the Incarnation... that Jesus was both man and God. Atleast that is what the bishop of Dallas, who I heard speak about Pope Leo, said. AND he centralized the church in Rome.. he may have had words with a Cyril of the Eastern Church and they decided to go their separate ways. The politics of Rome is too adult for me. Evidently, the latest detente with the Anglican church... welcoming married priests into the ranks of Catholic priests is being interpreted to be a political move. It is one way to answer the problem of a dwindling priesthood. I'm going to try to avoid being distracted by what "they" are doing in Rome and try harder to be a faithful servant myself. God help me!

happy sunday!!!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eoaTl7IcFs8 hat tip to Peggy, my sister... 21 years ago we were waiting for Robbie to be born... yahooooooooooooooooo!

Pete Appreciation Day

Today, is the official (as of last night) Pete Appreciation Day. We're only gonna do what Pete wants to do, including buy him some new shoes, visit a used bookstore, visit the Cheeseboard and get pizza for lunch, go for a walk in the redwoods and ? We went to 24 hr. fitness this a.m. and it's a beautiful morning. So we're gonna be out and about. Here's to PETE!

btw:

the face of a woman in the Yahoo ad for some face cream (that no doubt takes decades off one's face) looks like an icon. It's really a different effect that the ads that show cellulite and belly fat, that I usually see when I check my e-mail. Refreshing...

women and world religions

Some months ago, former president Jimmy Carter withdrew his membership in the Southern Baptist Church. His reason: he could no longer support an institution that treated women as second class citizens. As a member of another group, which calls itself "The Elders", retired statesmen from around the world, he has discovered that the status of women in the world is, in part, the result of religious leadership that deems females as less than males. His hope is that raising the issue will prompt a close look at what the world's churches promulgate in their theologies about the worth of women. Members of every major world religion constitute this group. One is Nelson Mandela. Herewith, Jimmy Carter, 85, speaking about his concern.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=q-JcpNBiRcM&feature=player_embedded

I had a funny thought: is it possible that the Vatican sent some detectives over to check on American religious sisters because they really do wonder: what Spirit is living and breathing in these communities of holy women? Do the men in Rome have any conversations with women? Do they tap into the fecund spirit of this sorority? I remember in college how the girls wanted to be where the boys were... and vice versa. There's a lot to be said for cross pollenization. I hope they are clear sighted enough to see the profound insight women have to share with the wider church. Maybe an actual conversation will result.

feast of all souls

I made my own altar of the dead, a la Dios de los Muertos. I even gathered marigolds from our garden, but they were not the gold variety, but maroon and gold, so a different effect. I gathered pictures of my grandparents and lit a pillar candle and put some roses in a vase and created my own prayer time. I sat with them, and it was lovely. In fact, what happened was I recalled their presences from my memories of them and what came showering down was this almost overwhelming sense of love. This awareness: What good people they were and how they were guided by a desire to be good and to love well. In their different stations in life, teachers, engineers, homemakers, writers, I knew them as family. They were dedicated to their spouses and to their children. They were human and for some reason it is so easy to recall how, while they had tempers, attachments to ideas and things, and were sometimes selfish, all those human things, they also were deeply and profoundly good. They tried to the best of their ability to do the right thing and to love generously. I thank God for them and for this opportunity to remember them.

All Saint's Eve

Praying for the marines and servicemen lost yesterday west of San Diego in a plane crash, and for their families.

October 29, 2009

"For I am convinced that neither death, nor life, nor angels, nor principalities, nor present things, nor future things, nor powers, nor height, nor depth, nor any other creature will be able to separate us from the love of God in Christ Jesus our Lord." (from Paul's letter to the Romans) When Robbie was making his First Communion I found a card with this verse from Paul's letter and I thought "this is the card". Being worst-case scenario types, Robbie and me, I seized this card as my prayer for him. No matter what happens, we can always know this... nothing, not any thing, can come between this reality.. that we are essentially and forever wrapped in God's loving embrace. This is impossible to comprehend. but I believe, maybe not as fervently as St. Paul did, that it is true. While some define faith as a believe in our sinfulness and our need for redemption, I think my faith challenge is to believe that God loves us <-> that much. We do not earn it or deserve it, but like children of loving parents, we receive it because our creator can not help loving us. Every single one of us, forever.

feast of st. jude and st. simon

October 28 I know a woman for whom this prayer has special meaning. Her life has been full of blessings, but she lost a child years ago. Some traditional prayers most powerfully express a depth of need and this is one of them.
Prayer to Saint Jude
Most holy apostle, Saint Jude, faithful servant and friend of Jesus, the Church honors and invokes you universally, as the patron of hopeless cases, of things almost despaired of.
Pray for me, I am so helpless and alone. Make use I implore you, of that particular privilege given to you, to bring visible and speedy help where help is almost despaired of.
Come to my assistance in this great need that I may receive the consolation and help of heaven in all my necessities, tribulations, and sufferings, particularly (here make your request) and that I may praise God with you and all the elect forever.
I promise, O blessed Saint Jude, to be mindful of this great favor, to always honor you as my special and powerful patron, and to gratefully encourage devotion to you. Amen.

God's own face

My niece Anne's birthday is tomorrow. She will be 24 years old! Her mother hosted a big birthday bash with a fantastic Italian themed dinner, with tiramisu for the birthday cake. The birthday girl was not really basking in the glow. She said several times to me that it didn't need to be her birthday celebration, that we needn't have brought gifts, that it was her mother's excuse to have a dinner party. What does a person say to all that? I told her it was the custom in our country to honor people on their birthdays. I'm sorry that it makes her so uncomfortable. She was a lovely host though as she made a point of going around and talking to everyone. NICE. It's hard to know how to love a person, ya know? It's like cracking a safe, or solving a puzzle to know how to love some people, no? It can only be hoped that somewhere in the midst of community that the love gets through. God bless Anne and all of my nieces and nephews as they travel in their worlds, hopefully receiving the message over and over again how much they are loved. Thanks Aileen for inviting us .. a chance to celebrate Anne!

signs of the times

IN today's gospel reading from Luke, Jesus asks his followers why they don't know how to interpret the present times... as they know how to interpret the signs of the weather? Hmm. BECAUSE there is little reward in doing that! If we look around us and see the pain and suffering of others, then we will be invited to suffer with them. Unless we have a grounding in a compassionate creator then how can we wade into the pain and suffering of the world without the fear of being swallowed up by it? At Easter we sing a jubilant "I Know that my Redeemer Lives"... in the moment we believe the words we sing. But, when we're back in the trenches sometimes it is challenging to live as if we really believed it when faced with lives torn apart by illness, poverty, dysfunction and just plain old life. Today, I will try to be aware of the signs of the times. Where in the world am I being called to believe in the power of the Risen One, that power that overcomes death and and is grounded in the source of all life.

Adam ashamed

Judy Woodruff ended her reporting on the Lehrer News Hour with a "thank you" . Jim Lehrer always finishes with "thank you, and good night." After listening to the news and hearing Judy sign off with a thank you, I wondered , "thank you for what?" Am I being thanked for listening? The news was, as it often is , pretty dismal. So, given that, is that why we are thanked? or are they just thanking us for tuning in to PBS rather than Fox News? Money in the bank for them if they have more viewers. I've been watching the Lehrer News Hour at times and at the end of the program there is a slide show with no audio/or a soft instrumental playing. Photographs of slain members of the military from Iraq or Afghanistan are shown. We are invited to glimpse the faces of women and men who have given their lives for our country. It is most sobering. Then, the face of Judy or Jim or Gwen Ifill appears and they thank us and say good night. I can't get my head around this. I even feel badly writing about this... it is a very good thing to honor the lives of these men and women who are now gone. I'm just wondering if it's the best thing to follow the respectful silence with a "thank you".

october 20, 2009

i find Christianity to be VERY HARD. In today's reading from Luke's gospel, Jesus directs his disciples with these words: “Gird your loins and light your lamps and be like servants who await their master’s return from a wedding, ready to open immediately when he comes and knocks. Blessed are those servants whom the master finds vigilant on his arrival." Readiness. I remember when I was rowing for my college's crew team. We worked out a lot, ran, lifted weights, rowed at 5 a.m. in the dark and sometimes rain. We ate a lot when we weren't working out or racing, or sleeping. It was all preparation for the races. I remember having to decide if I ate this donut or orange juice was I risking an upset stomach when I needed to have my full strength for the boat. Being in labor too with our boys I remember that focus that was required to get through the moment, in order to be prepared for the ... next moment. There was not much of an option... either I collapsed into total unconsciousness and lost my connection to the process or I stayed with the process and joined my efforts to it. Pete and I had taken the birthing classes so we had been advised just exactly how we were to stay focused and to work with the process. So, I have had the experience of being called upon to really "show up". It is NOT EASY! Jesus is saying here to his friends that to follow him we need to "show up" and "be ready"... maybe if we do that, He'll take it from there..... and how do we do that? What comes to mind: empty ourselves.

muir woods

Last week, on my birthday, Pete and I drove over to Marin County and visited Muir Woods. We've been before through the years, but I felt like it was calling us.. "come visit!" I remember taking Tommy when he was tiny and taking all four boys when John was little. We ended up carrying an asleep John along the trail. It was enormous fun sharing it with the boys all those years ago. This time it was quiet, we walked slowly and listened to the light rain. This is a picture of the parent redwood tree and its offspring. Evidently, it had been burned and had died, but the roots sent new shoots up and in a circle around the old parent grew several newer thriving trees. This phenomenon provides me with a tangible living example of the "family tree" that I can access. Pete and I are getting older. (Our parents are getting older too.. which I can not bear.) We are going to die someday. But together we've sunk our roots into the soil of our time and place and out of these years have sprung four boys. They will grow and eventually die too, but they will carry with them a part of us and this is the nature of things. Gazing on these tall and beautiful trees, I find this arrangement to be more than acceptable. It is quite beautiful and I am grateful to be a part of it all.

saint damien of molokai

Tonight, we saw the one-man play "Damien", written by Aldyth Morris and first performed in 1976, which tells the story of Fr. Damien of Molokai's life in the first person through a series of flashbacks. From the beginning of the production, the most striking feature of the performance to me was the joy of Fr. Damien. Even as he described the devastation of the disease that his flock suffered and then of his own contraction of leprosy, there was a deep sense of joy. "I will always be your priest." he said. In the entire 1 1/2 hr. show, the phrase that stood out for me...."the prodigious love of God." What stood out for Pete: his compassion and his commitment to serve those most in need. Wikipedia says: In both ecumenical and non-sectarian communities, Damien's ministry to lepers is being cited as an example of how society should minister to HIV/AIDS patients . In 2005, Damien was honored with the title of De Grootse Belge, chosen as "The Greatest Belgian" throughout that country's history in polling conducted by the Flemish public broadcasting service, VRT. October 9th, a week ago, Fr. Damien was canonized a saint in Rome. 550 Hawaiians attended the ceremony. Thank you to Dan Cawthon for bringing St. Damien's story to life in such a joyful way. Now, I AM greatly humbled by his love for and dedication to his God and his people.

from Robbie and Martha

Thank you for the beautiful birthday bouquet!!

day after the storm

We're enjoying the calm after the storm. I still hear water in the gutters, so maybe it's raining lightly outside. but after the relentless shower of yesterday it sounds awfully quiet in and outside. The birds are chirping too. Last night we took Danny the dog for a walk and the smells of the bay trees perfumed our way. We saw the season's first newts on the path, too and with our feeble flashlight we realized we were risking stepping on one. We turned around and came home. It was still a good stretch of the legs and a chance to check on the status of things outside.

the heavens are telling...

the glory of God, and all creation is shouting for joy.. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=c-Jkktpp9QI Haydn wrote this a few hundred years ago, and collapsed when he was finally finished. Maybe God felt that way too when He was finished with creation. How Mary felt after giving birth to her first son. Tommy's good friend had her first baby this wkend, maybe yesterday. Brings back memories of our boys' arrivals. The heavens are telling the glooo-rrrrreeee of Go-od. It's pouring rain outside today. Our piece of earth is finally getting a shower. Everything is getting washed! On Sunday, Pete and I visited our local college's art museum where the featured exhibit was all about outer space. My mind was stretched way beyond its usual elasticity. The numbers of things was beyond my comprehension... miles, lightyears, degrees in temperature, planet size. The highlight of the whole show? a video of the landing on Mars in 2004 of two robots sent by JPL. Actually, it was watching the JPL employees watching the landing of their creation. It was like watching the landing of man on the moon. The expressions on people's faces was like that of .. what? one watching a miracle. It worked!! how proud God must be of His Creation too!! even though we get into trouble, we're still His. and when we "work" as intended, oh, the glory!

Mary, Mother of Jesus, pray for us

If I could paint my own picture of Mary, what would it look like? well, I think I'd give her beautiful dark eyes... the kind that look both warm and sparkling at the same time. She would have dark curly hair and she would look intelligent. She would be physically strong, but more importantly she would be strong on the inside... it is IMPOSSIBLE to conjure the beauty and power of any one.. what would it have been like to hang out with Mary? What makes Mary, Mary? Why do we ask her to pray for us? There are so many ways to "mother" so what would I sense from her? What's the lore about Mary? She's aggravated with Jesus when he stays behind in Jerusalem and they lose him. She "holds these things in her heart." She's greeted by the angel Gabriel, has a baby in a stable, probably had more children because we hear about Jesus' brothers and sisters. She stood at the foot of the cross. The thing about women is that you can't see what's going on with them!! The very thing that do exclusively they do invisibly. Men can't do what they do... so, I am flummoxed. Who is Mary? The one who welcomed and loved a boy unconditionally. (you know, she could have been a really bad mother cuz lots of people grow up and exceed the parenting they received.) Let's assume the best. She is celebrated as the mother of Jesus and mother of us all because she "gave up" her son for the world... to show us the way to joy and peace. I picture her smiling, that tired smile a mother has after the baby has been born. (Nativity, Woonbo Kim Ki-chang, (1914-2001). Korean.)

orthodoxy

I tend to come down on the side of the individual's conscience. It seems to me that's what all the great saints have followed... and that it takes great courage. To be open to the truth requires courage and to enter dialogue seeking the truth is also brave. True humility... deep connection to the Christ... that is love...always aware that there are ways we can be deceived... full of care, careful to protect that which is oh so precious...

Ask

Today's gospel reading is from Luke's gospel "“And I tell you, ask and you will receive; seek and you will find; knock and the door will be opened to you. For everyone who asks, receives; and the one who seeks, finds; and to the one who knocks, the door will be opened." Earlier today, a friend sent me a video with music and prayers ... really sweet of her to think of me. Basically, the msg was Trust in God, not in man. I hate it when man is pitted against God , or vice versa. There were other things in the prayer that made me a twitch... like addressing God as "Father God". I don't know why that bugs me but it does. I'm sure there are ways I talk about God that really bug people too... oh well. Dig deep, Katie ! Look for the meaning! Anyway, I really love this gospel reading. It seems to me it's pretty transparent. BUT WAIT, as soon as one does that ...trouble. In this aforementioned video there was also the prayer for someone's "prosperity". Ouch. I don't know that Jesus really was interested in people's possession of wealth. Do you think? Anyway, I'm inclined to hear the words of Luke's Jesus as spiritual wisdom. If I actually sincerely am seeking, and I mean with the help of God's sincerely seeking people (that's everybody) then the truth will be revealed. and I'll know it is true because it is life-giving. Ask and you shall receive; seek and you shall find. (clear example: I ask St. Anthony to help me find lost things... he has never failed me.) Any testimonials out there?

the third chapter

I just learned about a book written about the stage of life into which Pete and I are entering. The title: The Third Chapter, by Sara Lawrence-Lightfoot. I haven't gotten the book yet, but I read excerpts. It was recommended by my spiritual director who is in the middle of reading it herself. I'm eager to get my hands on it, but have a feeling that I already have the gist of it. The book includes many stories of women and men moving into this third chapter and finding exciting directions to take and learning new things both about the world and themselves. I've been really struggling with this place in life.. betwixt and between.. these years with growing children... leaving those years and moving on to another phase, without them. In John's gospel Jesus says “I have come that they may have life, and have it in abundance." The last 25 years have been years of abundance. My angst of late has been borne out of the not knowing what is to come. and not being confident that the next phase will be full of life. I am reminded that our Lord wants this for all of God's children, no matter what age or circumstance. Including us middle- aged folks. I don't know that I'll ever get over the boys being "gone", but there is a little glimmer of hope shining into the darkness for things to come.

this changing season

I can almost feel the earth moving and tilting a little bit away from the sun. I've never been so aware of the changing angle of the sun nor have I been so aware of the lengthening night resulting in the ebbing vitality of the garden and a kind of let up in the summer frenzy. There's a deep sigh coming on. As if the earth and the life which inhabits it is saying, "ahhhh, let's take a breather." I don't really know what is going on on the farms locally. Harvesting of pumpkins, and the last tomatoes, the last squash. That's all we have in our raised bed in terms of vegetables. The marigolds still glow. I planted some sturdy deep red chrysanthemums. There are roses still on the bushes. But they are the late arrivals. The thermometer reads 44 degrees this morning which for us is definitely sweater/fleece vest weather. I'm reminded of other places in my life at this time of year: visiting my grandparents and their bay front property in Maryland, sitting with freezing hands in a boat with 8 college women on Briones Reservoir at 6 a.m., waiting with cold legs for the bus in North Little Rock Avenue at the bottom of Park Avenue in my school uniform, waiting for the bus in Riverside California to go to jr. high watching Jesse make out with his girlfriend, sweating in my clothes at school because what was appropriate dress that morning was now too warm. So many autumns spent so many places after almost 52 years. I'm wondering if these memories aren't easier to access because this time of year does invite that breather.. time to stand still in this kinder light and to notice.

for the greater glory

this is a picture I took at the Huntington Library in the American Collection. Sorry to say I do not have the artist's name or the name of the work. Very sorry. This was one of my favorites in the museum. Water, sun, harvest... also components of our weekend of water polo games at the Claremont Convergence tournament. After 7+weeks of the season, the team went four for four in this weekend's round of games. These haystacks and the team's victories represent a lot of hard work. All for the greater glory...

october first, two thousand nine

and it feels like fall... a cool breeze is blowing, the sky is clear and appears farther away. Is that the angle of the sun? I love this time of year. it's my birthday month!! I remember being young and the deep joy I felt on my birthday. It meant we had spaghetti for dinner and a birthday cake. I got presents which always surprised the socks off of me. My cup runneth over! I really miss that feeling... of being young and things surprising the socks off me. I remember when Pete and I got engaged, that was a day that surprised me. For some reason, we hadn't really thought about or talked about getting married. We were talking about what were doing.. and Pete said, well, I thought we'd get married. WHAT?? A wholly new idea that changed my life!! and would forever. Dec. 11th goes down in infamy as the happiest day of my life. Is it greedy to wish for more of those days? My friend Sally shared a provocative question: what ARE the ten happiest days of your life? It's a fun one to ponder and kinda tough. But worth pondering... among other things, it brings me to gratitude. Thank you.

here are Robbie and Martha.. in an earlier water polo season... so much chlorine!

where the wind blows

As Jesus and his disciples were proceeding on their journey, someone said to him, “I will follow you wherever you go.”Jesus answered him, “Foxes have dens and birds of the sky have nests, but the Son of Man has nowhere to rest his head.” And to another he said, “Follow me.” But he replied, “Lord, let me go first and bury my father.” But he answered him, “Let the dead bury their dead. But you, go and proclaim the Kingdom of God.” And another said, “I will follow you, Lord, but first let me say farewell to my family at home.” Jesus answered him, “No one who sets a hand to the plow and looks to what was left behind is fit for the Kingdom of God.” This exchange reminds me of the one Jesus has with Martha and Mary. He reminds Martha that it is good to be about the business of hearkening to his call. Martha was caught by the demands of the domestic scene, and was disturbed that Mary was sitting at Jesus' feet listening to him rather than helping her in the kitchen. (Wow, that word 'kitchen' is a weird word now that I look at it. I use that word all the time too!) Spiritual wisdom in this scripture, to me? How am I hearkening to the Spirit? Am I letting dead things in my life loom larger than life? Look for the spark waiting to be fed and feed it...

feast of the angels

Today is Sept 29 and on our church calendar, it is the feast of the archangels Michael, Gabriel and Raphael. One is the defender, one is the announcer and one is the healer. (That's my own summary)"These angels are manifestataions of God's gracious love, care and concern for each one of us." "God's strength" -Gabriel, one who brings great messages. Raphael, "God's remedy/God's healing". These angels remind us that God never leaves aus alone. God always accompanies us on our journey.
Michael- "one who is like unto God". Raphael is the angel who protects travelers and the patron saint of the sick. A friend told me recently that her best friend is her daughter's guardian angel. Another friend told me she blesses the outside of the airplane as she boards the plane and invites her guardian angels to step out onto the wings and travel with her until she safely lands. What angels are a part of your life? I can think of many friends who've been my angels, and who still are.

last days of September

Pete is napping. He spent some time in John Muir Hospital on Sat. night following a dramatic episode with dehydration. He's in recovery now. This weekend was very hot and he spent time working on a flagstone path outside in it. Neither John nor I were home to advise him to come indoors. Dehydration is NOT pretty. Our bodies are not impervious to abuse, and after days and days of heat and maybe too much coffee, too little water/electrolytes... who knows? Thank heaven for emergency rooms, paramedics, drs., nurses, IV fluids, anti nausea medicine.. Pete is on the mend. Before the sun reached its zenith on Saturday I went out into the yard and collected flowers,vegies and strawberries before they all succumbed to the heat. I wish I'd taken as good care of Pete!!

"the prayer"

Pete and I visited the Cantor Arts Museum at Stanford on Sunday. We didn't get to go to church, but we did see a collection of Rodin scultpures. The only other Rodin collection I've seen is at the Legion of the Palace of Honor in San Francisco. Sunday, though, sitting under a tree on artist Bruce Beasley's bench looking out upon a dozen Rodin sculptures the word "profundity" came to mind. Why is it that his art is so moving to me? He's a GENIUS. This particular piece shown in the picture is called "The Prayer" ... it provoked an imagining of a small French woman kneeling in prayer ... that gesture that is familiar to some of us, that has kind of gone by the wayside... I experienced a little communion with her! Her kneeling, for me, acknowledges that there is great dignity in acknowledging that God is God and we are not. The fact that this kneeler is not quite upright, and seems to be in mid-kneel adds energy/movement to the work. She appears to be young, still strong, and still she is prayerful. What might she be praying for? Somehow, this structure conveys more about the life of the Spirit for me than do images of saints on holy cards. Right after I took this picture, a young family appeared with two little ones. The 4 yr old girl wanted to climb on the statue, and grandpa seized the opportunity to take a picture. Dad ended up picking the little girl up and placing her so that her head filled the void on the statue. She was all smiles and chatter in her pink and green party dress. Her little brother picked up gravel from the ground and threw it at the prayer. After the encounter with the statue was finished and the toddlers scampered off, I glimpsed the mother gently brushing the gravel off of the pedestal beneath the prayer. Reminded me of the times I have knelt in church with little boys climbing under and over, coloring in coloring books on the pew behind me. No matter what, keep on praying... (I think St. Paul said something like that... pray without ceasing?) Auguste Rodin, merci!

autumn solstice

another sept. 21st has come and gone and it's now as light as dark .. the light is diminishing. The beauty of the light diminishing is that we can rest our eyes. We can rest our eyes. And while our eyes are resting, we can look with different eyes perhaps and see more subtley. Perhaps we can see those things that lie hidden or lie in the recesses, in the shadows... I had a thought tonight at the dinner table. For some reason in the middle of the night I was caught by this image of the Aleuts scrubbing the gravestones of their deceased on the island to which they had been exiled during WWII. Members of their family had died while in exile and had been buried on a strange island and the family had returned years later to pay their respects to their dead. To do that, they had brought water and buckets of soapy water and scrub brushes and they carefully and tenderly scrubbed the headstones at the gravesites. The gesture speaks volumes about honoring the memory of our beloved dead. This struck me as very very lovely!! In our culture, the gesture i am aware of is the placing of plastic flowers at gravesites. Maybe because I value clean, I prefer the scrubbing gesture more. Anyway, i thought that maybe a way of honoring those things that have died in my life... dreams, friendships, people, false notions.. could benefit from my imagiining that gesture .. my scrubbing with water and soap and scrub brush those things that have died in my life. in the process I acknowledge that something has died and that while it was a part of my life, I honor it. This gesture, in effect, blesses that thing that has died and allows it to rest, freeing me to be alive to what is next.

back together again

I got to see Robbie and his team for the first time since mid August. It was clear that they had been working hard and that they are a real TEAM. I remember being a member of our crew team in college... becoming a team. We saw eachother at our worst and at our best. That's how I fell in love with them. There will always be a special place in my heart for Christina, Christine, Rosanne, Candy, Daria, Sarah, Terri, Bonnie, and Ellen. I've stayed in touch with two in particular and hear about three or four more of them. I'm glad Robbie is having the experience of being a part of a bigger enterprise. Go Sagehens! and Go Gaels! I'm thanking God for the parents of the Sagehens too.. for providing the boys with whom Robbie shares team.

more thoughts on aging

While previous studies inferred that elderly people’s bleak language was a natural response to painful experiences, Prof. Matsumoto’s research offers an opposing perspective. She conjectures that though humor seems out of place when talking about difficult experiences, laughing with friends helps to diffuse the pain. “With your friends, you can have fun together and talk about normal things. You laugh, and it makes you happier – you can return to a more normal feeling quickly. Not every moment has to be terrible. If you can’t laugh, you’re limiting yourself.”

hear, hear!!! I'm still looking for info on how to age with grace, wisdom and HUMOR/GOOD ATTITIDE. I cam e across this on the Stanford University website.

Indian summer

it's a warm evening and I opted not to walk because i don't like to sweat. Pete and I walked last night for an hour, briskly, and it was cool and I sweated. The crickets are in full song outside and it sounds like summer, except that at 8:30 the sun has been down for a while, so it's not summer in Northern California. It's Indian Summer. The stars were beautifully brilliant last night, and as we were walking in the dark we found ourselves alone on the trail. An owl flew low over our heads, looking for all the world like a dinosaur. BIG! We heard the bells ring at St. Mary's College a mile down the road. It was 8:00... we counted. We noted a powerful bad smell on our way up the trail and on the way back, I remembered, ah, there was a dead baby deer right on the side of the trail. I'd seen it the day before when i took Danny the Dog for a walk. My experts guess that a coyote had gotten it. In the dark we hadn't spotted it. We are part of an ecosystem alright. We came home and took showers and climbed into our comfy beds. I'm glad our species has these things. I'm also grateful for the chance to walk around the habitats of other creatures. and to see the beautiful oak trees silhouetted on the hillsides, black against the barely lit sky. Our world is beyond beautiful. Exquisite? Magical? It is good.

our lady of sorrows

I have a friend whose son has had a lifetime of heart problems. From the minute he was born, he has endured one invasive surgery after another. She, of course, has been with him every step of the way. One story she told though reveals to me the importance of celebrating Mary's role as one who has suffered. Linda had joined a women's Bible study group and had shared one session that she could identify with Mary,the mother of Jesus, at the foot of the cross. She had stood at the foot of her son's hospital bed and witnessed his pain and suffering, not knowing how much more he could take. As she spoke, she began to cry. What surprised her was that not one of the women made a gesture to comfort her. No one was able to reach out to her in words or body to connect with her. She said it was the loneliest experience. Hearing her story made me feel very badly. It made me sad for Linda, but it also made me feel sympathy for the women in the group who likely had never experienced anything like Linda has, and did not know what to do in this moment of Linda's agony. Enter, Mary. For Linda and for other women friends of mine, Mary is the one they can turn to when the sorrow is too much for others to share. Mary has been there. Linda prays the rosary. For a mother who has come close to losing her son many times, it is a life line as Mary has helped her stand at the foot of the cross. (Linda's son has just finished a masters degree in Biblical Studies in Denver and is teaching. He still spends time in the hospital, but he'll celebrate his 27th birthday in May.)

feast of the holy cross

For God so loved the world that he gave his only Son,so that everyone who believes in him might not perish but might have eternal life. For God did not send his Son into the world to condemn the world, but that the world might be saved through him. John 3:16
I remember being a little girl, third grade maybe, so 7 yrs old or 8, and kneeling at a school mass probably on a Friday and looking up at the cross and crying. No one saw me or noticed me, but I remember it because it was a moment of awareness. In that moment, as I gazed upon the man on the cross, I saw love. It overwhelmed me. and it still does. Today on this feast day of the Holy Cross, I will find a crucifix and invite that love to heal me. I'll also be looking for ways that that love is spent every day all around me in the ways that people do for others.

sept. 11, 2009

In honor of those who lost their lives in Pennsylvania, New York, and at the Pentagon on September 11, 2001 : http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ttwJpPMSzBc Thank you to all those who have reached out to the survivors, nurses, therapists, teachers, friends and musicians and singers. In thanksgiving for the healers and the Great Healer.

september 10, 2009

But rather, love your enemies and do good to them, and lend expecting nothing back; then your reward will be great and you will be children of the Most High, for he himself is kind to the ungrateful and the wicked. Be merciful, just as also your Father is merciful.
“Stop judging and you will not be judged. Stop condemning and you will not be condemned. Forgive and you will be forgiven. Give and gifts will be given to you; a good measure, packed together, shaken down, and overflowing, will be poured into your lap. For the measure with which you measure will in return be measured out to you.” from Luke's gospel from today's readings.

I've wondered sometimes how anyone can be merciful, if they haven't been on the receiving end of mercy. I remember one of my first experiences of mercy. My sisters and I were late for the bus in Columbus, Mississippi. I was maybe a first grader which would have made me 5 or 6 years old. My mother was no doubt upset with us, because if we missed the bus, we weren't going to school that day. I seem to remember that she was still in her bathrobe when she got us to the bus. Anyway, I remember CLIMBing on to the bus and crying hard. A big girl, atleast a third grader, pulled me in to her seat, put her arm around me and said comforting words. She poured third grade love all over me! and because I was in need of comfort, I soaked it in. I've often thought about that little girl. Her kindness was a life line for me. Then I knew what mercy was... I hope that she has had that measure of kindness in her life too.

the birthday girl

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DjKnHAKtYFA We celebrated my mother in law's 80th birthday tonight with dinner out at one of her favorite restaurants on the bay. It was a lovely family evening with all of her children, respective spouses, grandchildren and even a few great grandchildren. I would say that she subscribes to this song... always generous with all of us. God bless Jacqueline Claire Hayes.

loch lomond and discernment

from Luke's gospel: Then he said to them, “The Son of Man is lord of the sabbath.” Jesus is explaining to the authorities why it's okay for his disciples to be picking grain on the Sabbath. He reminds them that Moses had pulled a stunt like that once taking bread intended only for the priests in the house of God. He concludes with the statement above. I guess if the Son of Man is hungry that takes precedence over the sacred rite. Jesus is really rocking the boat now. It's easy for any of us to get sidetracked about what's important from what's really important, isn't it? and that discernment takes serious soul searching.

image of the invisible God

"Brothers and sisters: Christ Jesus is the image of the invisible God, the firstborn of all creation." from the letter to the Colossians. Depending on your source, Paul may not be the author of this letter, likely written at the end of the 1st century. The firstborn of all creation? More and more I find myself interpreting Scripture as if it were poetry. It helps to play with the ideas of words like "firstborn". What is my understanding of firstborn? (new beginning, miracle, life is never the same again for the parents!, what else?) and then to imagine that Christ is the firstborn of ALL CREATION! This is quite a statement! was this an idea floating around the ancient world: that gods were described in these terms? and if so, does that necessarily diminish the impact or truth of this idea? What is this really saying to ME? That Jesus of Nazareth brought to the world a profoundly new understanding, or truth, to mankind. That he WAS the new truth. We are unconditionally loved ...no strings attached.

let us put out into the deep

...lines from the gospel reading for today, this feast of St. Gregory the Great, 6th century bishop of Rome. "Let us put out into the deep". Jesus instructs his disciples as they are fishing. Where in my life do I need to put out into the deep?

Trust

" like a green olive tree in the house of God, Trust in the mercy of God forever and ever." (from Psalm 52, from today's liturgy) I like this image of a tree in the house of God. and not just any tree, but a green olive tree. I'm not sure at all what the psalmist was saying here. but like poetry it probably says more than what I can glean, but perhaps what it does say to me is still valuable.

I have my own associations with green olives, but I believe I've heard that for people of the psalmist's time and place olives and olive oil were life enhancing foods. Without it life would have been paltry. So, there sits the olive tree in the house of God.. providing shade for people who've come to pray, a resting place for birds, offering its fruit for picking. Those things are gifts and speak of a merciful God, a God who cares about his creation... us.. and provides for it. Is the tree trusting in God... ? it's just being a tree and doing what olive trees do...

Olive trees are pretty too... it's branches are graceful and hmmm, isn't an olive branch a symbol of peace. That sounds pretty merciful.

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summer is over

Summer is over. Our house is almost back to normal after houseguests a week ago. We are resuming the school year schedule. Our nieces and nephews have started back to school at all levels: elementary, jr. high, high school, and college. For me, it feels like New Years Day and that I'm saying goodbye to another year. Maybe I'm only saying goodbye to family time. This summer we kicked it off with our trip to Scotland to visit Robbie. That was the last part of May. Then we came home and were truly Home. Robbie was home to provide ballast, energy and brute strength. He and John and Pete put in a new lamp post out front, cleaned out our garage and built a workbench, with no power tools, dug out a portion of our front lawn and installed a new drip system, augmented the soil and planted a new garden, and a flagstone path, installed a new attic fan. We got rid of a lot of stuff in our garage by either giving it to the Goodwill, posting and selling it on Craigslist, or just placing it on our curb with a FREE sign. Oh, what a feeling! We visited a friend's farm up north for a tomato festival. Oh, and just before that, Tommy landed in the hospital for four days with a collapsed lung. We made our annual trip to Sea Ranch in early August. John perfected his pizza making, Billy was up a couple of times from San Diego, and Pete had mini vacations including a trip to Speed Week on the Bonneville Flats. We got to visit with some old friends, whom we don't see during the school year. Now, we're "back in the saddle". The boys have school, work, and activities, I'm tutoring every day, Pete's still mushing along at AT&T and I need to savor the summer that we had. It's a new year.

august 21st, friday

"Ruth said, “Do not ask me to abandon or forsake you! For wherever you go, I will go, wherever you lodge I will lodge, your people shall be my people, and your God my God.”
Thus it was that Naomi returned with the Moabite daughter-in-law, Ruth,who accompanied her back from the plateau of Moab. They arrived in Bethlehem at the beginning of the barley harvest." Wow.

“Teacher, which commandment in the law is the greatest?”He said to him,“You shall love the Lord, your God, with all your heart,with all your soul, and with all your mind.This is the greatest and the first commandment. The second is like it:You shall love your neighbor as yourself. The whole law and the prophets depend on these two commandments.” (gospel of Matthew)
Could it be more clear? I remember hearing this for the first time when I was in high school I think. Well, it sounds simple, enough.

on the up side

Pictured: Glaswegians soaking up the rays in May.


I've decided that there is a dearth of good news about aging. People readily share their woes about getting older. The good news is:


as we get older, we can step off the treadmill and really see the beauty all around us and APPRECIATE it.


we can listen with a more compassionate ear, because we've possibly been there too.


we can cherish those who are older, because we are going to be them soon.


we are transported to heaven by new life and by the young.


we are invited to accept that we are just who we are.


we know better what we are good at and not good at.


we recognize that we are so much more than our bodies.


what else?


I'll be adding to this list as things occur to me or come into my view.

August 14, 2009

Today is the day of Eunice Kennedy Shriver's funeral mass. The Mass of the Resurrection. Good and faithful servant welcomed home. My mind is drawn to the intellectually disabled daughter of Joe and Rose Kennedy, Rosemary. I remember reading years and years ago that this daughter had been institutionalized as a girl and remember how shocking that was to me. What! Their sister had been sent away because in those days family's couldn't cope. There were no support services in the community, etc. Recently, I read that a lobotomy had been tried to improve Rosemary's abilities. It was not successsful. Rosemary's sister Eunice experienced all of this within her family and grew up and then when she could make a difference in the lives of children with disabilities, she did. She established the Special Olympics. I marvel at this... her personal pain transformed into hope offered to others. Thank God for Eunice and for all the people who make life better for others.

chirp,chirp,chirp

Robbie says "wow!, have you noticed how many girls hang out in front of Peet's? Jamba juice? El Ballazo?" He'd had to walk through the birds chirping (he slipped and said they were birds) to make his lunch purchase as I got my delicious frozen yogurt at the new Yogurt Shack in downtown Lafayette. He scampered down the corridor toward me looking for all his life as one seeking an escape. i don't know if it was the volume that got to him or just the spectacle of so many young women or what. I offered, yep, that's what women seek: connection and usually of the talking variety. Not all women are like that, but a lot are. Which is what I love about women! They like to give voice to what they know, experience, see. That need can result in a lovely web of shared information, support, feedback and sometimes challenge. It is in that shared information that women glean what it is they can offer to others to support, nurture and caretake. (Again, not all women are like this.) In younger women, maybe the talking serves another purpose: it helps the growing girl find her voice? Ah, if that were nurtured and supported... good stuff happens! but it isn't easy.. I'm remembering being a growing girl and observing the dynamic within girl groups... not always easy, sometimes icky, but when good, awesome loveliness abounded. I pray that our growing girls find mostly loveliness in their girl worlds.

John the Baptist

The name of the prophet heralding the coming of the messiah reminds me of Wales. My sister in law lives there and she has a friend who goes by John Rockclimber and John Shop. People in town go by names like that. They are distinguished by their vocation or avocation. John the Baptist is the subject of today's gospel and sadly, Matthew's verses tell of his cruel cruel death. What did John do to deserve this end? but insist that Herod shouldn't sleep with his brother's wife. John was what I'd call an activist. He was on the front lines, baptizing and pointing to the One he believed was the messiah. .. There is a tapestry of John that I came upon in St. John the Baptist's Catholic Church in Napa last fall. Click on the picture and enlarge it and see John's hands. Gaze on his face and then his hands. What do they say to you? This image struck me powerfully! Until I'd seen this artist's vision of the man, I'd been kind of afraid of John the Baptist. His ascetic lifestyle, living in the desert, eating locusts and honey, preaching the coming of the kingdom weirded me out...... but where would we be without him? This tapestry reflects what I believe John would want us to remember about him... He was very very clear about what was true and how important it was to preach it.