january 30, 2010

From the Rule of Benedict:

Chapter 7: On Humility
The second degree of humility is that a person love not his own will nor take pleasure in satisfying his desires,but model his actions on the saying of the Lord,"I have come not to do My own will, but the will of Him who sent Me" (John 6:38). It is written also,"Self-will has its punishment, but constraint wins a crown."

This morning we got a phone call from a collection person for Macy's. The caller informed me that we owed money to the tune of $550 and that it was late and wanted to know when we were going to pay it. I couldn't imagine that we owed that much! and in fact, we didn't. He informed me that oops, it was in fact more like $150 and it was past due. Really? It was due on the 25th of January. Wow, it's the 30th. Since when do companies sick a collection agency on you when you're 5 days late, especially when the debtor has never been delinquent in a payment ever before? So, he wanted to know how I was going to pay it and when. He offered to take care of it immediately for me, if I so chose. I gotta say this phone call made me feel rather badly. It felt like I had inadvertently mildly offended someone and the offended was reacting REALLY STRONGLY. However, I didn't apologize, because we're talking money here, not someone's feelings. I wrote the check and mailed it off this morning. Anyway, my point is: it is hard to recover from the bashing that the world wants to give us or to keep our bearings. Then, to be conscious of our deepest desire to be on good terms with the One who made us.. to commit to that goal is hard enough. I know though that it will bring me to my deepest happiness. Hearkening to the call to humility, I made a phone call today that I'm really glad I made. It wasn't to Macy's collection agency.

feast of st. thomas aquinas, january 27, 2010

Thomas Aquinas was a Dominican priest who lived in southern Italy, in the 1200's. He lived to be 49 yrs old. He is a Doctor of the Church. He wrote the Summa Theologia.

Aquinas defined the four cardinal virtues as prudence, temperance, justice, and fortitude. The cardinal virtues are natural and revealed in nature, and they are binding on everyone. There are, however, three theological virtues: faith, hope, and charity.

Today, I met up with Peggy and Karl to mail a pkg for them. They are coping with the loss of Karl's mother,Evelyn, who died on Tuesday at the age of 95 1/2. She died peacefully in her sleep, thank heaven. It is a sad, sad thing to lose her. Evelyn was the picture of sweetness. She had a twinkle in her warm brown eyes and always an appreciative word to share. She was loathe to impose on anyone and was very self sufficient, except that she didn't drive, which happily required that someone help her with appointments, shopping and hair-do's. She loved her son, Karl and delighted in her grandsons, Joseph and Edward. She depended on them all and they, in turn enjoyed her constant benevolent presence. She will be sorely missed by all of us. We will miss her at Thanksgiving dinners and birthday celebrations. But, Peggy and Karl will miss her every minute. I saw a pink sunset on Tuesday night. I think it was her.. who else but sweet Evelyn Cafasso Petermann?

feast of the conversion of St. Paul

St. Paul's story always struck me as incredible. As a Zealot, he persecuted the Jews. However, he had an encounter with the risen Christ and fell from a horse, and forevermore was bound to preach the good news himself. For his work, he was killed in Rome. But today's feast celebrates his conversion. It seems to me that Paul is an example of one who learns the hard way, and like those of us who do learn things the hard way, the lesson resided deep in his bones thereafter. In one of his letters, he describes how the message of Christ burned in his bones and had to be preached. (Maybe I'm thinking of one of the prophets... oh well.) In my New Testament class at the Episcopal school there were many students who despised Paul (that is not too strong a characterization) because of his "attitude toward women". He does have a few things to say about women in his letters. and they are startling! but I chalk those comments up to those of a man in a time in history where women and men had a different road to hoe. I don't hold it against him. PARTICULARLY in light of all the good things he DID say. The 1st Letter to the Corinthians alone places Paul in a special place:

If I speak in the tongues of men and of angels, but have not love, I am only a resounding gong or a clanging cymbal. If I have the gift of prophecy and can fathom all mysteries and all knowledge, and if I have a faith that can move mountains, but have not love, I am nothing. If I give all I possess to the poor and surrender my body to the flames, but have not love, I gain nothing.
Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.
Love never fails. But where there are prophecies, they will cease; where there are tongues, they will be stilled; where there is knowledge, it will pass away. For we know in part and we prophesy in part, but when perfection comes, the imperfect disappears. When I was a child, I talked like a child, I thought like a child, I reasoned like a child. When I became a man, I put childish ways behind me. Now we see but a poor reflection as in a mirror; then we shall see face to face. Now I know in part; then I shall know fully, even as I am fully known.
And now these three remain: faith, hope and love. But the greatest of these is love.

Thank you St. Paul for ALL, for your profound humanity and courage.

saturday, january 23, 2010

Nephew John Andrew Robinson born 23 years ago, in 1987. I hopped on a plane from Santa Barbara down to LAX and made it to the hospital in time for his birth. My sister Alison was a champ and John was beautiful! I just remember how beautiful his coloring was and so full of health! Brian was overcome! A miracle just for him! His own little boy, named John Andrew, a name he loved. Having the baby hardly slowed my sister, the energizer bunny, down a bit! BUT she fell in love! and big time! So, John grew up always with a smile and a bounce in his step. Life is one big adventure for him and even when there are setbacks, John still smiles, and his eyes sparkle. He's having to be a big boy now, working on an advanced degree at George Mason University. The beauty of being his aunt and meeting him on the occasion of his birth is that I feel like I know the real John. I don't really, but I can imagine that I do... and I can love him too. Happy Birthday John!! The world is a smile closer to heaven because of you.

january 20, 2010-john francis hayes

Today is John's 17th birthday. 17 years ago he arrived at Valley Care Hospital in Pleasanton, CA. It was a rainy day much like today. He was born in the middle of the night. pete brought the "big boys" to the hospital later in the morning to meet "John". They were excited to meet him and took turns holding him. What a warm nest John was born into. He has been the icing on the cake. His sweet disposition, solid presence, wise old soul has anchored the family ...From the beginning, he has preferred being in the background. Observing. Laughing to himself. Ocassionally inspired to share his astute and often wry observations. A few weeks ago I commented that his new haircut made him look like an alien. Alright, I know. Parental mistake # 5,674. His response? He put his hands on my shoulders and said, very gently and sincerely, looking straight into my eyes with his big blue ones: "Mom, if I told you that your haircut made you look like an alien, it would hurt your feelings." BUSTED. Yes, of course he was right. I said I was truly sorry. But, honestly, sometimes I am compelled to say things just to get a rise out of him. So, that is where we find ourselves, John and me. He is a 17 year old boy. He pretty much finds me a pain. I live up to the claim. Happy Birthday John. Just for today, I will try NOT to hurt your feelings and to celebrate in the way you would find not annoying.

a day of transition

The college kids are gone. Everyone's back to work. I had a mtg this morning with my women's faithsharing group. We talked about violence and the places we need healing. We shared and prayed for eachother. Last night, I shared with our oldest that yeah, I think everyone ought to have a massage OFTEN because the body in its travels through the world is assaulted by things in the environment that are hostile. Given too that our culture is not physically demonstrative.. we don't hold hands, give hugs, or walk arm in arm, people can go days without anyone touching them. One more reason to feel disconnected or un-connected. Anyway, touch can be very healing. It's possible his health insurance will allow him the benefit of massage. If not, I may spring for it for him. He spends his work days in a "green" office and works with pretty gentle people, he does have a demanding job with long hours and he does commute on a rather loud and fast train to and from work. He trods on cement or concrete through most of his travels. He does yoga and swims. He eats well, but not enough. Eco-therapy has come to my attention recently following the celebration the movie Avatar has created. People have emerged from the movie saying, " Oh, I wish I lived in that world!" We DO live in that world. Get thee to a regional park, I say and take a walk. There is abundant life all around us. and then get a massage. Ahhhh.

january 14, thursday

The reflection this morning on the readings from today included this phrase: "we live in a high tech, low touch society". Ouch. It is true. Jesus reached out and touched people in his ministry to heal. The leper, in today's reading. I'm praying especially today for the wounded and suffering in Haiti.. that the presence of the rescue teams will include touch. May miracles abound today in Haiti... and around the world.. including in our home.

St. Hilary | Saint of the Day | AmericanCatholic.org

St. Hilary | Saint of the Day | AmericanCatholic.org

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january 10, 2010 01/10/10

Listening to Andrea Boccelli singing Silent Night. The boys are out getting burgers on their last night of the holiday together and pete and I had leftover Thai food. It is calm and bright. Pete and the boys installed an overhead light in our front hall. So, it is a little brighter in our living room/front hall. We went for a walk today at Pt. Reyes. When we arrived at our favorite trailhead we saw a lot of search and rescue people. Sheriff's office, Coast Guard, Park Rangers, ambulances. Evidently a 47 year old woman had left her truck in the McClure Beach parking lot and had disappeared on Thursday evening. The search began yesterday, Saturday. There were groups of four search and rescue individuals sprinkled on the hillsides. They had set up an antennae on the top of several hills to afford communication between them and headquarters. When we'd left, the team was still assembling parties to go out and doing a lot of waiting/standing vigil. I told Pete it reminded me of the parable of the shepherd who lost one sheep. The shepherd leaves 99 of his sheep to go looking for that one lost sheep. The searchers were grim-faced but determined to do their jobs. We encountered several of the teams as we hiked and they asked if we had seen anything unusual. Sadly, no, all we saw was beautiful Pt. Reyes, the ocean, the hills, birds, the dirt under our feet, and eachother, and other hikers. I wondered as we encountered the other hikers how they were taking in the news that there was a woman missing somewhere on that part of God's earth. I sensed that we were all uttering our own prayers in our quiet hearts. God bless Katharine Truitt ... where ever she is.

january 7, 2010

Today's reading from the first letter from John : 1 Jn 4:19–5:4 "Beloved, we love God because he first loved us. If anyone says, “I love God,”but hates his brother, he is a liar; for whoever does not love a brother whom he has seen cannot love God whom he has not seen. This is the commandment we have from him: Whoever loves God must also love his brother."

wednesday after epiphany

From today's readings, this is an excerpt from the first letter of John:

"Beloved, if God so loved us, we also must love one another. No one has ever seen God. Yet, if we love one another, God remains in us, and his love is brought to perfection in us." St. Teresa of Avilla says that Christ has no hands but ours. So many saints whose voices from centuries before coming down to beckon us to fuller life. Saints John, Teresa, Benedict, Charles Borromeo (my patron saint for 2009), Catherine of Siena (my niece Maggie just chose Catherine for her Confirmation saint), Joan of Arc (my Confirmation saint), Mary, the mother of Jesus, Joseph, the father of Jesus, Francis of Assisi, ...the list goes on and on. Today is the feast day of Blessed Andre of Bessett... who died in the 1920's in Canada. His sainthood rested on his prayers for the sick. Although he himself was frail, the bishop elected to ordain him a priest and gave him the job of praying for people. Many people believe they were healed by his prayers.

If the only way we see God is through love where do I see God in the world? In the loving marriages I behold, in the love of parent and child, in the loving friendships I know, in all the ways that individuals extend themselves on behalf of others... love is all around... I want to receive inspiration from God's presence in all these places. To keep on keepin on.

one more try

From the Prologue, January 3, of the Benedictine Rule:

"And the Lord, seeking his laborer in the multitude to whom He thus cries out, says again, "Who is the one who will have life, and desires to see good days" (Ps. 33[34]:13)? And if, hearing Him, you answer, "I am the one," God says to you, "If you will have true and everlasting life, keep your tongue from evil and your lips that they speak no guile. Turn away from evil and do good; seek after peace and pursue it" (Ps. 33[34]:14-15).And when you have done these things, My eyes shall be upon you and My ears open to your prayers; and before you call upon Me, I will say to you, 'Behold, here I am'" (Ps. 33[34]:16; Is. 65:24; 58:9).
What can be sweeter to us, dear ones, than this voice of the Lord inviting us? Behold, in His loving kindness the Lord shows us the way of life."

Thank you St. Benedict for this encouragement.

January 1, 2010

I missed mass today! From the book of Numbers , it reads: "The LORD said to Moses: 'Speak to Aaron and his sons and tell them: This is how you shall bless the Israelites. Say to them: The LORD bless you and keep you! The LORD let his face shine upon you, and be gracious to you! The LORD look upon you kindly and give you peace!'" Sometimes I have received that blessing and it has punctured my heart. Why? I don't know.. somehow I have become frozen or numb to the knowledge htat God is above (or where ever God is) and that God cares deeply about me and about all creation. To be on the receiving end of a blessing is a powerful thing. To be the one who blesses is a powerful thing too! But both activities require an openess that sometimes ain't there. When I was in the hospital with my grandmother who was nearing the end of her life, a hospital chaplain came in to visit. My grandmother was not a church goin' gal. For marital harmony she had agreed to go along with my grandfather's position that religion wasn't just a lot of "hooey" but that it was at the root of the world's ills. Anyway the chaplain took the opportunity to talk to me and to leave my grandmother in peace. She taught me a Christian adaptation of a Buddhist way of being present to my grandmother as the two of us sat in her hospital room. I would sit quietly next to my beloved grandmother and pray that all that was broken would leave my grandmother and through me be lifted up to the "throne of heaven" (give it to God) and then ask God to send His love through me back to my grandmother. This prayer was a gift to me and I hope to my grandmother. Now, this is a way too that I can bless another AND ME without speaking aloud. God can work in so many ways.. and its a good thing because we're complicated creatures!