that smile

How can I resist smiling when I see John's smile? Here he is being driven to the prom last Saturday. What does that face say to you?

"that this Jesus the Nazorean will destroy this place and change the customs that Moses handed down to us."All those who sat in the Sanhedrin looked intently at him and saw that his face was like the face of an angel. " from the Acts of the Apostles, with reference to Stephen. Whoa, this struck me reading the first reading from the liturgy for today. I know too where Stephen was headed. He was the Church's first martyr. I hate even thinking about it. BUT, what I want to focus on is what happens when a person stands up and speaks truth to status quo. The established institution of that day (and the die hards) were unsettled by the words of the disciples. They were expressing powerfully the message of Jesus... love one another. Oh, but NO. We 're not comfortable with that. It's easier (I'm guilty of this too big time) to hang our hats on the rules and the man made laws and condemn. That holds us up somehow. and it means we dont' have to care about our neighbor. Maybe too we have our own internal rules that give us comfort and a compass. But, when the rules interfere with our ability to feel compassion for others (and ourselves) then we're on the road to Emmaus without our Lord. Been there, done that... most of my life. Change our hearts of stone...

we forgot the corsage

we were scrambling to get John into the layers of his outfit all polished and shiny so we forgot the sweet white roses wrist corsage in the fridge because we were running late. we didn't discover the mistake til we were almost to Mary Anne's house and by then it was too late to turn back. Aarrgh. Our mistake was not spending enough time during the day getting ourselves ready. It turned out to be quite an evening, beginning with a little fender bender on Treat Blvd. in Concord on their way to meet the "party bus". John wasn't the driver... the two of them were passengers. There were other unexpecteds in the evening, but the events and the names have to be withheld to protect identities. This will be a memorable event though for John and Mary Anne. I remember these dances as kind of surreal. I was unaccustomed to getting dressed up, parading on a boy's arm, attached for the evening supposedly, posing for pictures, asked to shake my booty on the cafeteria linoleum. I'll stop there. All to what purpose? I ask you! Season 9, episode 12 of Seinfeld, Jerry expresses what many of us feel about dances. For me, these events are as familiar as branding cattle or riding a mini bike. Once is enough! John's got two more to go though. Jr. Prom and his own Senior Ball. He'll have a basis for comparison. What do you remember about your prom?

just wanna share

we do want to share. these roses grew in my very own backyard. Meet Abraham Darby! and he/they even smells sweet. There are dozens of them on the bush, which I didn't prune this winter. Uh oh. Don't know what happens when you don't even prune the bush. So, Pete and I are trying to figure out what we're gonna do, right? Get involved is one answer. I know that if I pray with all my might, God will point us in the right direction. Yep, that's what I'm gonna do. Time to stop thinking about it and open myself up to ... love/wisdom/truth/God.

down and out

Today was a busy enough day. Pilates in the a.m. BART to the City to SFMOMA to see an exhibit with John. Met Pete for lunch and then home again. Talked to Robbie on Skype. I didn't do any food planning or prep. Didn't do any home maintenance although I cleaned up one corner of my bedroom. Dust covered photo albums from 25 years of parenting. Now no longer dust covered and I was afforded a few trips down memory lane as I peeked at some of the years with our boys. Brand new babies.. meeting them each for the first time. Billy's sweetness, Robbie's fun, John's adorableness and Tommy's beauty! What can I say? Too good to be true. So, why am I feeling down and out. Because they are all leaving us... Pete and I are trying to figure out: now what? I honestly don't care about much of anything else but them. and I know that there is a whole lot of life left without them in our midst. I will feign interest in other things... quilts, reading, museums, hiking, maybe swimming, ... but my heart will always be with them. A friend just called to exclaim over Ch. 9 in Barbara Kingsolvers' book, Animal, Vegetable, Miracle, where she talks about the beauty of a home with home cooked meals. What does the cook do when there are only a few people for whom to cook? Metaphorically, that is the issue for us in many ways. Where are we going to put our energies that have heretofore gone into feeding four baby birds?

Easter Monday

The Easter Bunny came to our house. Look what John found! He didn't have any competition this year. It wasn't as much fun without Robbie competing aggressively for the most eggs. I don't know, I still like the fun of any kind of hunt (except the real animal hunting kind). Scavenger hunt, treasure hunt, egg hunt. In fact, I should make up hunts for people when they come to my house all the time. Find the Bathroom Hunt. Guess What's For Dinner Hunt. Find your Own Glass Hunt. No, seriously, hunts for something fun. but people would probably get bored or tired of my hunts because I would run out of creativity (quickly) and it would be old hat. Speaking of searching...Pete and I were talking today about how we need to be looking for ways that the Spirit is talkin' to us. So, we challenged eachother tonight: where did we see the Spirit today? we each came up with something. It was like a treasure hunt! Reflecting on the events of the day and seeing, yes, God was there in a phone call with a friend, in a visit from a dear old friend, in sitting and having lunch with John. Truth be told, I'm noticing too that we're enjoying a bit of post game win atmosphere. We're kinda worn out and deeply happy. HE IS RISEN! GOD WINS!! LOVE IS ETERNAL!

o happy fault

Though the mountains leave their placeand the hills be shaken, my love shall never leave you nor my covenant of peace be shaken,says the LORD, who has mercy on you.O afflicted one, storm-battered and unconsoled,I lay your pavements in carnelians,and your foundations in sapphires;I will make your battlements of rubies,your gates of carbuncles,and all your walls of precious stones.All your children shall be taught by the LORD,and great shall be the peace of your children.In justice shall you be established,far from the fear of oppression,where destruction cannot come near you. Is 54:5-14

I will give you a new heart and place a new spirit within you, taking from your bodies your stony hearts and giving you natural hearts.I will put my spirit within you and make you live by my statutes, careful to observe my decrees.You shall live in the land I gave your fathers; you shall be my people, and I will be your God. Is 55:1-11

Mk 16:1-7 When the sabbath was over, Mary Magdalene, Mary, the mother of James, and Salome bought spices so that they might go and anoint him.Very early when the sun had risen,on the first day of the week, they came to the tomb.They were saying to one another, "Who will roll back the stone for us from the entrance to the tomb?"When they looked up,they saw that the stone had been rolled back; it was very large.On entering the tomb they saw a young mansitting on the right side, clothed in a white robe,and they were utterly amazed. He said to them, "Do not be amazed! You seek Jesus of Nazareth, the crucified. He has been raised; he is not here.Behold the place where they laid him.But go and tell his disciples and Peter, 'He is going before you to Galilee; there you will see him, as he told you.'"

Happy Easter! O happy day!

this day while the King sleeps

Janet Whitakker-Sullivan alluded to a song with the lyric "while the King sleeps" on her Facebook message. Today is the day that Jesus lay in the tomb, and his disciples were crushed. Because I know what comes tomorrow, I am not left to the darkest despair the fishers of men knew after the crucifixion. All of their hopes for a world of a new order--dashed. First, though, they lost their best friend, and to such a cruel cruel fate. I am drawn to think about their making of the meaning of it all as the hours ticked by. I understand they retreated to the upper room... in hiding, and surely in grief. What did they do? what did they say to one another? did Peter provide leadership even in those first hours? were some of them angry? struggling to make sense of what had happened. and the women? They needed to be near Him. So to the tomb they went. They would be the ones to be concerned about His body, and would be the ones who would want to tend to Him. The brotherhood had been broken, but for the women He was the one they loved, in particular, they loved HIM. It is right that they should be the ones to find Him and to report back to the men. He is risen! They would know it first. ... to be continued.

good friday

I am thinking about how courageous Jesus of Nazareth was. I think he was very very very very very very courageous. but it occurs to me that he was courageous from the beginning not just in these last days. He stood and acted in defiance of the established ways of thinking and acting from the beginning. His truth was a radical departure from what we would consider "smart". His presence was a challenge to the status quo and it was intoxicatingly liberating. that was probably really uncomfortable for people, to be set free, after a life of familiar burdens. For all those people he touched who were ill, possessed by demons, dying, dead, paralyzed, frozen in fear, doubting, questioning, and even those who were sure, like the rich young man, his presence, his words and actions, were miraculously transforming. He knew his impact on these individuals and so he knew what waves he was creating and consequently, knew where he was headed. Every day he knew where he was headed, I believe. Courage. That is why we call it the "Sacred Heart of Jesus". When was the last time I tapped into my own sacred heart ?

Pete's poppy

Last winter, Pete cast a handful of poppy seeds onto a patch of earth near our driveway next to some lavender plants. Oh, we couldn't wait til they grew into full blown poppy plants. We waited and nothing happened. We don't know if it was lack of water or the previous homeowners use of Round Up. Bummer. But last week I pulled into the driveway and there on the OTHER side of the driveway was a solitary poppy blooming her heart out. So, I had to capture her in her full glory. The best laid plans.. often go ... differently.

Rick Steves says that as we travel we are likely to be happiest if we lower our expectations. Be open to .. different. That's helpful advice for life too. I think there's Buddhist wisdom in there too.

Less attachment fosters peace. Christ emptied himself. Thank you Jesus of Nazareth, son of Mary, child of Israel. I wish I had a Seder to go to on this evening of Passover!

consider the lavender

It is blooming everywhere here. French lavender, Spanish lavender, English lavender.. is there a native California lavender? It is such a sweet and, can I say, sharp and sturdy plant. These are blooms from an old plant in our front yard. It has not been tended, pruned or given a nod since we've lived here the six years. But, it still blooms. It does what lavender does. A priest said to us recently, " we must live our lives and our vocations more intensely". What does that look like? To be who we are, to keep blooming, to continue on the path for which we were born.

What does that look like?

consider the lilies

Emily Dickinson wrote to her cousins "Consider the lilies is the only commandment I ever obeyed." Were I the Creator, I would be exceedingly pleased if my children took the time to "consider the lilies". It would break my heart, yes, when they broke the other commandments, but if they never saw the beauty of creation and weren't touched by it, I would be greatly pained. I'm reminded of several quilts I made and gave as gifts. The recipients hardly batted an eye in recognizing, at the very least, the effort involved in my creations. That was a hard pill to swallow. I've learned since to be more discriminating as to whom I give quilts.
I could be in a constant state of overwhelmsion if I stopped to admire the genius of creation. ALL AROUND ME! it is what brings me back to the gift we have in life. " Look what love the Father has bestowed on us, by calling us children of God. For that is what we are!" and all creation is shouting for joy. I was given a bouquet of daffodils last Saturday and they are still glowing in their milk bottle. It's hard to feel Lenten with all creation shouting for joy. We will be entering into The Passion this Sunday. Oh, the agony! but atleast we'll be in it together.