a nice sit down and a chat

For those of you who know me, there's nothing I enjoy more than a nice sit down and a chat. My idea of heaven is everyone having that "nice sit down" all together. Granted, that is not possible, really, because one can't have a good chat with more than a few people at one time. BUT, that's what heaven is for: to project one's dreams of what can't be here on to this place in the hereafter. However, this red couch placed in front of Harrod's is a step in the right direction . Next, we need to add a series of coffee tables set with a tea service oh, about every third person. While we're at it, add a city garden with some blossoming trees and blooming roses. Then, my grandmother steps up and we say, "pull up a chair!" and she does. That's one of my ideas of heaven. What is yours?

on the edge

I'm on the edge of something... an insight about my life as a military man's daughter. "Men's violence toward women"... mentioned in Women in Black's statement about themselves. Violence. There are all kinds of violence.. and I have negative reactions to some sorts of violence, but then I perpetuate them myself. For example, in the use of language, I may use "strong" words and frighten my listener. I'm interested in learning about non-violent speech and have resisted buying a book I saw on the subject. Why resistant? Because as I become more conscious, there's a chance that there will be created a greater divide between me and those around me. Then I might judge. That's the greatest violence I think I commit against others. Is there a path through this? I can invite God into this desire or, as one of my mentors suggests, name the intention at the beginning of my day. Then, check how I did at the end of the day.

jesus ascending

We were outside after dinner and Pete said, "Look, there's a cloud that looks like Jesus ascending." So, we all looked and we saw a cloud that looks like Jesus ascending. So, John ran into the house to find the camera and then Pete went inside to look for the camera and then three people took pictures of the cloud. I remarked, "Wouldn't it be something if that were really Jesus?" which widened my heart. Was the Ascension a one time event? or does it still happen in our experience? and what would it look like? In lieu of any other answer, I'll just enjoy the picture of the cloud that floated by my house on April 27, 2008. ... and wonder.

we're the grownups

My friend turns 50 today. My sister has been married 16 yrs as of today. My sister in law turns 51 today and my goddaughter turns 20 today. How can this be? It's one thing for me to be 50 and for us to be married 25 years, but it's another thing to have the people I love turning 50, etc. At this moment, I am aware that we really must "seize the day"... carpe diem, I guess I'm never really going to learn Latin or climb Mt. Everest or make out with Robert Redford. Which brings me to the realization that one of the goodies of being middle aged is that there is a nice peace in coming home to who one really is, and in appreciating where, in fact I am able to go for a walk and what I am able to communicate in the one language I'm mildly proficient in. I'm happy that I am kissing the same lips after 25 yrs too!! Back to seizing the day, which at this point looks like this: smell the star jasmine growing by the front door and the blossoms on our lemon trees, and watch the cilantro and tomatoes and kale grow in the garden. I'll ponder what it means to be the grown ups later.

is it love or money?

There's an expression: "Money makes the world go round"? or is it "Love makes the world go round"? I just paid a traffic ticket: $159. I wasn't being an intentional scofflaw, but misread street signs. Now I'm being punished. Ouch. The good news is that it won't go on my permanent record, or it won't count as points that will affect my insurance rates. OH! That makes me feel A LOT BETTER. There is NO MERCY. So, as I wrote my check to the Walnut Creek Superior Court, I said a little prayer: may the police officers who work to secure our safety and maintain the law in our neighborhoods be blessed and may they bless the people they serve. Amen. That feels much better than the other things that want to take up space in my person. and I really do mean it. I know a police officer and he deals regularly with messes. God help him.

time away

I can be transported to another place by a number of things: music, memories, meditation. When I was younger though I didn't have in my body a store of "places" ... and not being an introvert, I was left in the moment at the mercy of whomever and whatever was with me. This weekend our youngest is on retreat ... with his father and other parent/son pairs down in Los Altos. I'm hoping that the trepidation he felt about leaving home on his holy weekend will be answered with a discovery of "another place" and some new friendly faces, and mostly some memories with dad. One thing that I know about introverts is that they can use some time alone. I hope this doesn't backfire with our youngest introvert.

global papa

My grandmother turns 100 in July. She lives in her own home and she has beautiful white hair which currently is hiding five staples she is sporting after a fall where she hit her head in the middle of the night on the television console. She doesn't watch television anymore, because she said "there's no one to watch it with." We don't have cable television currently, so I tuned into the USCCB on the web to see some videos of our pope visiting in the US. He has beautiful white hair too. There is a sweetness about both my grandmother and our pope and it is good for me to exposed to them. I visited my grandmother last week and today I got to see the pope. I'm feeling young and humbled.

I'd rather dance

This morning our small faith group met and we spent most of our time together talking about our misery with our pastor. Familiar story. Because it is so familiar to us by now, we more readily slip into resolving our feelings more quickly. I wouldn't say we despair, we are dismayed though. We console ourselves with old answers too... because they are getting old after all these years. In the end, by golly, we turn to the forgiveness message that Jesus gave.... remember, forgive 70 times 7 times. I always hated that one. I'm hoping though, too, that while we're busy forgiving that the Spirit is at work in our Church and that like this video from YouTube, I'd Rather Dance by these Norwegian musicians... we will find new answers or hear different music that will free us to be our true selves, children of God. My boys showed me this video because they thought the male dancer reminded them of me when I was 40 lbs lighter. Nice. But, I am so tickled by the little girls and by their dancing.... I want their beauty and joy to be all of ours. and in the Church, maybe we could do less talking and more dancing, eh?

prayer buddies

Today I met with my small faith group... a group that changes color every time, because one of another of us can't make it due to life. Most of the members fall into the "retired" category, and ironically, seem to stay in one place less than the sun itself. It actually works out nicely in the sense that there's more room for individuals to share/talk as the group is rather small. I think we are enjoying group spiritual direction. We're mature enough that we are settled and quiet enough to really listen to the others' stories and just hold them. We know better than to try to provide solutions to problems or to need to tell an equivalent story from our own lives. Just listen. I am so grateful for my membership in this group.

boy dilemma

John came haltingly out of the shadows... he was TIRED. Explaining that he was in the middle of the night wide awake, he was hoping that he could sleep a little extra and go in to school late. He'd miss math, but he could turn in the homework tomorrow. The tennis team has a match today. (It's going to be a long day for a growing boy.. and he is growing.. an inch in the last month.) So, once again, I am invited to make this decision regarding John's participation in life. As a growing boy, an introvert, the youngest of four, it seems to me he likes to beg off a good chunk of life (except with the big boys which is nearly always fun). Am I encouraging that bowing out that he's already so good at? (Several Thanksgivings we've let him sit in the car to eat his turkey, so he could avoid the big table feast. e.g.) or Am I honoring this growing boy's need to recover from life that demands so much extroversion? and energy? Ay-yi-yi.