All Saint's Eve

Praying for the marines and servicemen lost yesterday west of San Diego in a plane crash, and for their families.

October 29, 2009

"For I am convinced that neither death, nor life, nor angels, nor principalities, nor present things, nor future things, nor powers, nor height, nor depth, nor any other creature will be able to separate us from the love of God in Christ Jesus our Lord." (from Paul's letter to the Romans) When Robbie was making his First Communion I found a card with this verse from Paul's letter and I thought "this is the card". Being worst-case scenario types, Robbie and me, I seized this card as my prayer for him. No matter what happens, we can always know this... nothing, not any thing, can come between this reality.. that we are essentially and forever wrapped in God's loving embrace. This is impossible to comprehend. but I believe, maybe not as fervently as St. Paul did, that it is true. While some define faith as a believe in our sinfulness and our need for redemption, I think my faith challenge is to believe that God loves us <-> that much. We do not earn it or deserve it, but like children of loving parents, we receive it because our creator can not help loving us. Every single one of us, forever.

feast of st. jude and st. simon

October 28 I know a woman for whom this prayer has special meaning. Her life has been full of blessings, but she lost a child years ago. Some traditional prayers most powerfully express a depth of need and this is one of them.
Prayer to Saint Jude
Most holy apostle, Saint Jude, faithful servant and friend of Jesus, the Church honors and invokes you universally, as the patron of hopeless cases, of things almost despaired of.
Pray for me, I am so helpless and alone. Make use I implore you, of that particular privilege given to you, to bring visible and speedy help where help is almost despaired of.
Come to my assistance in this great need that I may receive the consolation and help of heaven in all my necessities, tribulations, and sufferings, particularly (here make your request) and that I may praise God with you and all the elect forever.
I promise, O blessed Saint Jude, to be mindful of this great favor, to always honor you as my special and powerful patron, and to gratefully encourage devotion to you. Amen.

God's own face

My niece Anne's birthday is tomorrow. She will be 24 years old! Her mother hosted a big birthday bash with a fantastic Italian themed dinner, with tiramisu for the birthday cake. The birthday girl was not really basking in the glow. She said several times to me that it didn't need to be her birthday celebration, that we needn't have brought gifts, that it was her mother's excuse to have a dinner party. What does a person say to all that? I told her it was the custom in our country to honor people on their birthdays. I'm sorry that it makes her so uncomfortable. She was a lovely host though as she made a point of going around and talking to everyone. NICE. It's hard to know how to love a person, ya know? It's like cracking a safe, or solving a puzzle to know how to love some people, no? It can only be hoped that somewhere in the midst of community that the love gets through. God bless Anne and all of my nieces and nephews as they travel in their worlds, hopefully receiving the message over and over again how much they are loved. Thanks Aileen for inviting us .. a chance to celebrate Anne!

signs of the times

IN today's gospel reading from Luke, Jesus asks his followers why they don't know how to interpret the present times... as they know how to interpret the signs of the weather? Hmm. BECAUSE there is little reward in doing that! If we look around us and see the pain and suffering of others, then we will be invited to suffer with them. Unless we have a grounding in a compassionate creator then how can we wade into the pain and suffering of the world without the fear of being swallowed up by it? At Easter we sing a jubilant "I Know that my Redeemer Lives"... in the moment we believe the words we sing. But, when we're back in the trenches sometimes it is challenging to live as if we really believed it when faced with lives torn apart by illness, poverty, dysfunction and just plain old life. Today, I will try to be aware of the signs of the times. Where in the world am I being called to believe in the power of the Risen One, that power that overcomes death and and is grounded in the source of all life.

Adam ashamed

Judy Woodruff ended her reporting on the Lehrer News Hour with a "thank you" . Jim Lehrer always finishes with "thank you, and good night." After listening to the news and hearing Judy sign off with a thank you, I wondered , "thank you for what?" Am I being thanked for listening? The news was, as it often is , pretty dismal. So, given that, is that why we are thanked? or are they just thanking us for tuning in to PBS rather than Fox News? Money in the bank for them if they have more viewers. I've been watching the Lehrer News Hour at times and at the end of the program there is a slide show with no audio/or a soft instrumental playing. Photographs of slain members of the military from Iraq or Afghanistan are shown. We are invited to glimpse the faces of women and men who have given their lives for our country. It is most sobering. Then, the face of Judy or Jim or Gwen Ifill appears and they thank us and say good night. I can't get my head around this. I even feel badly writing about this... it is a very good thing to honor the lives of these men and women who are now gone. I'm just wondering if it's the best thing to follow the respectful silence with a "thank you".

october 20, 2009

i find Christianity to be VERY HARD. In today's reading from Luke's gospel, Jesus directs his disciples with these words: “Gird your loins and light your lamps and be like servants who await their master’s return from a wedding, ready to open immediately when he comes and knocks. Blessed are those servants whom the master finds vigilant on his arrival." Readiness. I remember when I was rowing for my college's crew team. We worked out a lot, ran, lifted weights, rowed at 5 a.m. in the dark and sometimes rain. We ate a lot when we weren't working out or racing, or sleeping. It was all preparation for the races. I remember having to decide if I ate this donut or orange juice was I risking an upset stomach when I needed to have my full strength for the boat. Being in labor too with our boys I remember that focus that was required to get through the moment, in order to be prepared for the ... next moment. There was not much of an option... either I collapsed into total unconsciousness and lost my connection to the process or I stayed with the process and joined my efforts to it. Pete and I had taken the birthing classes so we had been advised just exactly how we were to stay focused and to work with the process. So, I have had the experience of being called upon to really "show up". It is NOT EASY! Jesus is saying here to his friends that to follow him we need to "show up" and "be ready"... maybe if we do that, He'll take it from there..... and how do we do that? What comes to mind: empty ourselves.

muir woods

Last week, on my birthday, Pete and I drove over to Marin County and visited Muir Woods. We've been before through the years, but I felt like it was calling us.. "come visit!" I remember taking Tommy when he was tiny and taking all four boys when John was little. We ended up carrying an asleep John along the trail. It was enormous fun sharing it with the boys all those years ago. This time it was quiet, we walked slowly and listened to the light rain. This is a picture of the parent redwood tree and its offspring. Evidently, it had been burned and had died, but the roots sent new shoots up and in a circle around the old parent grew several newer thriving trees. This phenomenon provides me with a tangible living example of the "family tree" that I can access. Pete and I are getting older. (Our parents are getting older too.. which I can not bear.) We are going to die someday. But together we've sunk our roots into the soil of our time and place and out of these years have sprung four boys. They will grow and eventually die too, but they will carry with them a part of us and this is the nature of things. Gazing on these tall and beautiful trees, I find this arrangement to be more than acceptable. It is quite beautiful and I am grateful to be a part of it all.

saint damien of molokai

Tonight, we saw the one-man play "Damien", written by Aldyth Morris and first performed in 1976, which tells the story of Fr. Damien of Molokai's life in the first person through a series of flashbacks. From the beginning of the production, the most striking feature of the performance to me was the joy of Fr. Damien. Even as he described the devastation of the disease that his flock suffered and then of his own contraction of leprosy, there was a deep sense of joy. "I will always be your priest." he said. In the entire 1 1/2 hr. show, the phrase that stood out for me...."the prodigious love of God." What stood out for Pete: his compassion and his commitment to serve those most in need. Wikipedia says: In both ecumenical and non-sectarian communities, Damien's ministry to lepers is being cited as an example of how society should minister to HIV/AIDS patients . In 2005, Damien was honored with the title of De Grootse Belge, chosen as "The Greatest Belgian" throughout that country's history in polling conducted by the Flemish public broadcasting service, VRT. October 9th, a week ago, Fr. Damien was canonized a saint in Rome. 550 Hawaiians attended the ceremony. Thank you to Dan Cawthon for bringing St. Damien's story to life in such a joyful way. Now, I AM greatly humbled by his love for and dedication to his God and his people.

from Robbie and Martha

Thank you for the beautiful birthday bouquet!!

day after the storm

We're enjoying the calm after the storm. I still hear water in the gutters, so maybe it's raining lightly outside. but after the relentless shower of yesterday it sounds awfully quiet in and outside. The birds are chirping too. Last night we took Danny the dog for a walk and the smells of the bay trees perfumed our way. We saw the season's first newts on the path, too and with our feeble flashlight we realized we were risking stepping on one. We turned around and came home. It was still a good stretch of the legs and a chance to check on the status of things outside.

the heavens are telling...

the glory of God, and all creation is shouting for joy.. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=c-Jkktpp9QI Haydn wrote this a few hundred years ago, and collapsed when he was finally finished. Maybe God felt that way too when He was finished with creation. How Mary felt after giving birth to her first son. Tommy's good friend had her first baby this wkend, maybe yesterday. Brings back memories of our boys' arrivals. The heavens are telling the glooo-rrrrreeee of Go-od. It's pouring rain outside today. Our piece of earth is finally getting a shower. Everything is getting washed! On Sunday, Pete and I visited our local college's art museum where the featured exhibit was all about outer space. My mind was stretched way beyond its usual elasticity. The numbers of things was beyond my comprehension... miles, lightyears, degrees in temperature, planet size. The highlight of the whole show? a video of the landing on Mars in 2004 of two robots sent by JPL. Actually, it was watching the JPL employees watching the landing of their creation. It was like watching the landing of man on the moon. The expressions on people's faces was like that of .. what? one watching a miracle. It worked!! how proud God must be of His Creation too!! even though we get into trouble, we're still His. and when we "work" as intended, oh, the glory!

Mary, Mother of Jesus, pray for us

If I could paint my own picture of Mary, what would it look like? well, I think I'd give her beautiful dark eyes... the kind that look both warm and sparkling at the same time. She would have dark curly hair and she would look intelligent. She would be physically strong, but more importantly she would be strong on the inside... it is IMPOSSIBLE to conjure the beauty and power of any one.. what would it have been like to hang out with Mary? What makes Mary, Mary? Why do we ask her to pray for us? There are so many ways to "mother" so what would I sense from her? What's the lore about Mary? She's aggravated with Jesus when he stays behind in Jerusalem and they lose him. She "holds these things in her heart." She's greeted by the angel Gabriel, has a baby in a stable, probably had more children because we hear about Jesus' brothers and sisters. She stood at the foot of the cross. The thing about women is that you can't see what's going on with them!! The very thing that do exclusively they do invisibly. Men can't do what they do... so, I am flummoxed. Who is Mary? The one who welcomed and loved a boy unconditionally. (you know, she could have been a really bad mother cuz lots of people grow up and exceed the parenting they received.) Let's assume the best. She is celebrated as the mother of Jesus and mother of us all because she "gave up" her son for the world... to show us the way to joy and peace. I picture her smiling, that tired smile a mother has after the baby has been born. (Nativity, Woonbo Kim Ki-chang, (1914-2001). Korean.)

orthodoxy

I tend to come down on the side of the individual's conscience. It seems to me that's what all the great saints have followed... and that it takes great courage. To be open to the truth requires courage and to enter dialogue seeking the truth is also brave. True humility... deep connection to the Christ... that is love...always aware that there are ways we can be deceived... full of care, careful to protect that which is oh so precious...

Ask

Today's gospel reading is from Luke's gospel "“And I tell you, ask and you will receive; seek and you will find; knock and the door will be opened to you. For everyone who asks, receives; and the one who seeks, finds; and to the one who knocks, the door will be opened." Earlier today, a friend sent me a video with music and prayers ... really sweet of her to think of me. Basically, the msg was Trust in God, not in man. I hate it when man is pitted against God , or vice versa. There were other things in the prayer that made me a twitch... like addressing God as "Father God". I don't know why that bugs me but it does. I'm sure there are ways I talk about God that really bug people too... oh well. Dig deep, Katie ! Look for the meaning! Anyway, I really love this gospel reading. It seems to me it's pretty transparent. BUT WAIT, as soon as one does that ...trouble. In this aforementioned video there was also the prayer for someone's "prosperity". Ouch. I don't know that Jesus really was interested in people's possession of wealth. Do you think? Anyway, I'm inclined to hear the words of Luke's Jesus as spiritual wisdom. If I actually sincerely am seeking, and I mean with the help of God's sincerely seeking people (that's everybody) then the truth will be revealed. and I'll know it is true because it is life-giving. Ask and you shall receive; seek and you shall find. (clear example: I ask St. Anthony to help me find lost things... he has never failed me.) Any testimonials out there?

the third chapter

I just learned about a book written about the stage of life into which Pete and I are entering. The title: The Third Chapter, by Sara Lawrence-Lightfoot. I haven't gotten the book yet, but I read excerpts. It was recommended by my spiritual director who is in the middle of reading it herself. I'm eager to get my hands on it, but have a feeling that I already have the gist of it. The book includes many stories of women and men moving into this third chapter and finding exciting directions to take and learning new things both about the world and themselves. I've been really struggling with this place in life.. betwixt and between.. these years with growing children... leaving those years and moving on to another phase, without them. In John's gospel Jesus says “I have come that they may have life, and have it in abundance." The last 25 years have been years of abundance. My angst of late has been borne out of the not knowing what is to come. and not being confident that the next phase will be full of life. I am reminded that our Lord wants this for all of God's children, no matter what age or circumstance. Including us middle- aged folks. I don't know that I'll ever get over the boys being "gone", but there is a little glimmer of hope shining into the darkness for things to come.

this changing season

I can almost feel the earth moving and tilting a little bit away from the sun. I've never been so aware of the changing angle of the sun nor have I been so aware of the lengthening night resulting in the ebbing vitality of the garden and a kind of let up in the summer frenzy. There's a deep sigh coming on. As if the earth and the life which inhabits it is saying, "ahhhh, let's take a breather." I don't really know what is going on on the farms locally. Harvesting of pumpkins, and the last tomatoes, the last squash. That's all we have in our raised bed in terms of vegetables. The marigolds still glow. I planted some sturdy deep red chrysanthemums. There are roses still on the bushes. But they are the late arrivals. The thermometer reads 44 degrees this morning which for us is definitely sweater/fleece vest weather. I'm reminded of other places in my life at this time of year: visiting my grandparents and their bay front property in Maryland, sitting with freezing hands in a boat with 8 college women on Briones Reservoir at 6 a.m., waiting with cold legs for the bus in North Little Rock Avenue at the bottom of Park Avenue in my school uniform, waiting for the bus in Riverside California to go to jr. high watching Jesse make out with his girlfriend, sweating in my clothes at school because what was appropriate dress that morning was now too warm. So many autumns spent so many places after almost 52 years. I'm wondering if these memories aren't easier to access because this time of year does invite that breather.. time to stand still in this kinder light and to notice.

for the greater glory

this is a picture I took at the Huntington Library in the American Collection. Sorry to say I do not have the artist's name or the name of the work. Very sorry. This was one of my favorites in the museum. Water, sun, harvest... also components of our weekend of water polo games at the Claremont Convergence tournament. After 7+weeks of the season, the team went four for four in this weekend's round of games. These haystacks and the team's victories represent a lot of hard work. All for the greater glory...

october first, two thousand nine

and it feels like fall... a cool breeze is blowing, the sky is clear and appears farther away. Is that the angle of the sun? I love this time of year. it's my birthday month!! I remember being young and the deep joy I felt on my birthday. It meant we had spaghetti for dinner and a birthday cake. I got presents which always surprised the socks off of me. My cup runneth over! I really miss that feeling... of being young and things surprising the socks off me. I remember when Pete and I got engaged, that was a day that surprised me. For some reason, we hadn't really thought about or talked about getting married. We were talking about what were doing.. and Pete said, well, I thought we'd get married. WHAT?? A wholly new idea that changed my life!! and would forever. Dec. 11th goes down in infamy as the happiest day of my life. Is it greedy to wish for more of those days? My friend Sally shared a provocative question: what ARE the ten happiest days of your life? It's a fun one to ponder and kinda tough. But worth pondering... among other things, it brings me to gratitude. Thank you.

here are Robbie and Martha.. in an earlier water polo season... so much chlorine!