Sunday, November 27

Good morning! It is a quiet day. The fog is in and the birds are staying quiet. I guess they are saving their voices until the air is warmer and dryer. Pete and I are staying quiet too. Two boys are still sleeping and we respect sleep: the great healer. Last night, I started feeling very empty and blue. I could feel the panic creeping back up. I told myself though this time that no, I'm not going to allow it to take over. And asked instead: what is my latest thought? That the boys are leaving again. And I am bereft. So, I challenged the thought with this one: oh, how lucky we are to have them had the home for thanksgiving! And what a great hike we had up in the marshes of suisun on Friday, and how nice it was to be with the family! In four weeks we will be all together. To celebrate Christmas . Look to the light, Katie ! To the light! Challenge the melancholy thoughts... I owe so uch to the brave women I know who have lived by this dictum..this season of advent I hope to be companioned by an ever growing light in anticipation of Christmas and I will pray for others who I know are similarly seeking light in their lives. "shine I our hearts, shine in the darkness...Christ be our Light!"

The gift of each day

Today is November 25th, a Friday , and the Friday after thanksgiving day. Today. It is all we have. In the past three- fourvmonths, I have experienced some significant losses that drive that truth home. To speak of them, particularly In writing seems unholy. A dear sister-like friend left this world in early October, my college roommate and friend learned that she her cancer has spread, and our baby moved away to college. At the same time i have experienced a breakdown...physical, emotional, psychological,spiritual. In this same time frame, I've enjoyed so much life too! Time with old friends, real conversation, deep prayer, cirque de soleil!, been on the receiving end of so much kindness, having learned some new life giving tools: meditation, fasting, more interior quiet. I have seen so many healers! A physical therapist, a behavioral cognitive therapist, my GP, my OB/Gyn., my chiropractor, the emergency room twice, my spiritual director, a friend who is studying the Twelve Steps, many women friends who generously shared their stories of living with an aging/changing body. I feel like I am in the middle of a dust devil or a storm. Hence the need for the interior stillness. I am so thankful for all who have helped me to seek that quiet with helpful tools like meditation . And always for Pete, who travels this path with me .. Lovingly and patiently. Thanks be to God.