Sunday, November 27

Good morning! It is a quiet day. The fog is in and the birds are staying quiet. I guess they are saving their voices until the air is warmer and dryer. Pete and I are staying quiet too. Two boys are still sleeping and we respect sleep: the great healer. Last night, I started feeling very empty and blue. I could feel the panic creeping back up. I told myself though this time that no, I'm not going to allow it to take over. And asked instead: what is my latest thought? That the boys are leaving again. And I am bereft. So, I challenged the thought with this one: oh, how lucky we are to have them had the home for thanksgiving! And what a great hike we had up in the marshes of suisun on Friday, and how nice it was to be with the family! In four weeks we will be all together. To celebrate Christmas . Look to the light, Katie ! To the light! Challenge the melancholy thoughts... I owe so uch to the brave women I know who have lived by this dictum..this season of advent I hope to be companioned by an ever growing light in anticipation of Christmas and I will pray for others who I know are similarly seeking light in their lives. "shine I our hearts, shine in the darkness...Christ be our Light!"

The gift of each day

Today is November 25th, a Friday , and the Friday after thanksgiving day. Today. It is all we have. In the past three- fourvmonths, I have experienced some significant losses that drive that truth home. To speak of them, particularly In writing seems unholy. A dear sister-like friend left this world in early October, my college roommate and friend learned that she her cancer has spread, and our baby moved away to college. At the same time i have experienced a breakdown...physical, emotional, psychological,spiritual. In this same time frame, I've enjoyed so much life too! Time with old friends, real conversation, deep prayer, cirque de soleil!, been on the receiving end of so much kindness, having learned some new life giving tools: meditation, fasting, more interior quiet. I have seen so many healers! A physical therapist, a behavioral cognitive therapist, my GP, my OB/Gyn., my chiropractor, the emergency room twice, my spiritual director, a friend who is studying the Twelve Steps, many women friends who generously shared their stories of living with an aging/changing body. I feel like I am in the middle of a dust devil or a storm. Hence the need for the interior stillness. I am so thankful for all who have helped me to seek that quiet with helpful tools like meditation . And always for Pete, who travels this path with me .. Lovingly and patiently. Thanks be to God.

monday, august 15th, feast of the assumption

Today is my sister in law's birthday and the Feast of the Assumption. One of the reflections I read this morning about this feast says that in the Book of Revelation there is a woman clothed in glory caught in the battle between good and evil. Mary personifies our humanity and in her relationship to her beloved son, she is closer than any of us to the source of our salvation. Her YES to motherhood and to the truth of her son's life, complete with suffering and death, was a supreme act of love. Many many mothers act out this generosity every day. The lucky child who has a mother who recognizes his/her unique and unrepeatable genius. Surely Jesus had that mother. Wouldn't it be funny though, if Mary had been the kind of mother who really didn't GET her child and who often found herself scratching her head and wringing her hands wondering what's with this kid? I'm inclined though to credit Mary with loving Jesus in just the way that allowed him to see clearly, to be free, (free enough to hearken himself to the call of God) , and to be fearless. I know too from experience that all mothers depend on their communities to foster a healthy environment for growing children. Today we celebrate a success story: a woman who raised her child to be a lover of humanity, one whose life was poured out in service to individuals in need of healing and wisdom and truth. Thank you Mary! Today I pray for all mothers who seek to love their children like Mary did her son. and maybe too I'll pray to recognize Mary as my own mother who loves all of us... a mother's love.

june 12, 2011

Road Trip! I remember taking a trip my freshman year of college. My friend, Sue Flickinger, and I headed from GRand Forks, North Dakota and drove due south through South Dakota and Nebraska all the way to Memphis and then east to Florida. Our destination was of course my grandparent's house in Winter Park, a suburb of Orlando. All I remember about the drive was the fact that we switched drivers, (it was her car or her brother's car) and that we could sleep in the back if we needed to. We didn't stop til we got to Memphis! where we hung out with her older brother and then presumably took a shower and slept. Then we drove all the way to Orlando. My grandparents welcomed us and we ate, showered and slept some more where in I enjoyed my first and only hallucinations. I closed my eyes, but all I could see were traffic lights and rear and headlights. It was a little disturbing, but hey, I'd asked for it! Other memories of that trip? we stayed in a beach house w/ Gammy and Grandfather at New Smyrna Beach and that we played bridge or cards with them. I know that I really appreciated the generosity and graciousness of my grandparents.. and I don't know what they made of the two of us. They didn't say anything about the fact that while playing cards, my friend Sue had a habit of making mouth noises when she had to play her cards. She and I got along really well, generally. But the mouth noises really got under my skin. Never said anything though. She was an ace otherwise. So our alpha and omega children are off on their adventure with a friend.. and they will be making their own memories. Via Con Dios, Tommy, Chris, and John.

June 10, 2011

My parents have been married 55 years today. I'm almost 55 years old and I can say that that is a lotta years. In today's gospel, Jesus asks Peter "Do you love me?" and Peter says "You know that I love you." and after three times asking Peter the same questions and Peter acknowledges that yes, he does love our Lord, then Jesus says: Feed my sheep. Peter would go on to spread the good news and in the end was a martyr in Rome. I wonder if Peter ever fished again? or if he abandoned that livelihood and depended on others to feed him as he worked to establish communities of believers. Pete and i met a young woman at the BART station Wednesday night. She had an enormous green backpack on her back and a day pack on her front and looked confused. She was looking for a shuttle that would take her to Amtrak. She had just flown in from Mexico, had taken BART to the Embarcadero in San Francisco, and despite the name -did not provide the embarkation place for her journey. So we tried to help her find her way.. and accompanied her across the Bay on BART to the Oakland City Center stop, where we wished her well.. and advised her to take a taxi if there was no shuttle there. She was headed to Klamath Falls. I hope she made it. Does that count as "feeding my sheep"? It felt like it.. and in the end, as she stepped off of the train, she said with the sweetest sincerity: "Love and Light to you both!" Amen. (Photo: Breton Bay at sunset, May 29, 2011)

June 9, 2011, Thursday

Pictured: the view from my grandparents' and now my sister Jennie's home taken May 29, 2011.
We saw "The Tree of Life" last night in San Francisco. It was a mindbender. I think I need to see it again and again. In order to fully appreciate and see the artistry of the filmmaker, I need to see again the images and listen to the whisperings and the music and the very minimal dialogue. I had a personal experience of "the tree of life". Pete and I were walking through Muir Woods a year ago or so. There was a light mist..we were wearing our raincoats. Along the wooden path we stopped to admire a circle of redwoods to our right just off the trail. The trees in the middle were the lowly remnants of once "parent" trees. Around them soared the offspring of these trees. It hit me in a flash that we, Pete and I , are like those trees in the middle, who started something with our children. We will diminish as they grow tall and strong. We will die and they will flourish and the cycle will continue. In that moment, I received this as a gift.. that while sometimes I am bereft at
"losing" the boys, the truth is much bigger than that.. that I am a part of a living story that will continue and that we have done our parts and that we remain fixed in that ground together as parents of our children... nothing will change that. When Tommy was born one miracle that struck me then was that this newborn would be OURS forever. He was OURS. to love and to cherish. I was cemented (planted) now in time forever. and the tree of life continues to grow.

friday, june 4, 2011

We're still in the Easter season. Not sure how many days til Pentecost. Had some glimpses this past month of Church coming together to celebrate God's action in our life. Tommy's birthday party at his house, John's volleyball team, John's class at De La Salle, both at the baccalaureate mass and at graduation, our family's graduation party for John, John's team banquet, our nephew's wedding in Virginia, our great niece's baptism in Fairfax... with numerous meals with friends and family scattered in between. I know I'm missing some things. So much to celebrate.. God with us.

I had a thought one day.. about how amazing we creatures of God are. I shared this thought with a woman I drive to visit her hospitaled husband. We were driving along and it just bubbled up:"If you think about it, we are really amazing. The fact that we do what we do every day is amazing." and I had this sense, which I'm not sure I communicated, that we are ablaze with magnificence. We radiate wonder. I think that's how God sees us! every cell of our being is bursting with love and life, both gifts intended to share. Don't you think that's amazing?

feast of St. Matthias, replacement for Judas, May 14, 2011

Pictured: my 98 yr old grandmother, Irene, and my sister, Alison.

Today's gospel reading from John's gospel . .. the part that catches me? "as I love you." What does that look like? Oh boy.

Jesus said to his disciples:

“As the Father loves me, so I also love you.
Remain in my love.
If you keep my commandments, you will remain in my love,
just as I have kept my Father’s commandments
and remain in his love.

“I have told you this so that my joy might be in you
and your joy might be complete.
This is my commandment: love one another as I love you.
No one has greater love than this,
to lay down one’s life for one’s friends.
You are my friends if you do what I command you.
I no longer call you slaves,
because a slave does not know what his master is doing.
I have called you friends,
because I have told you everything I have heard from my Father.
It was not you who chose me, but I who chose you
and appointed you to go and bear fruit that will remain,
so that whatever you ask the Father in my name he may give you.
This I command you: love one another.”

April 11, 2011 Monday

MONDAY, APRIL 11, 2011

April 11, 2011 Monday

Only one more week of Lent left before Holy Week. Thanking God for this time set apart for quiet and paying attention. Where is my heart? Where is my mind? Friday and Saturday of this week we spent a lot of time in a gymnasium down in Santa Clara. We watched a lot of really good volleyball. At one point, though, I noticed hanging on the wall, high up on the gym's wall hung a crucifix. A little anachronistic in that room full of people and flying volleyballs, sweat and game play calling. It looked like Jesus was there up high doing his thing.. dying.. while we all carried on with this pursuit. I think Jesus wore a blue loin cloth. So he stood out a little more than the usual all flesh and earth tones. There he was quietly dying high up on the gym wall. But what he was doing? was pouring out God's love on all of us. as we watched and played volleyball on a blustery Saturday afternoon at Bellarmine High School in San Jose, California. One of John's friends said,"Hey, what's that?" referring to the crucifix. It worked!

springtime in the desert

Lent has begun. Finally. After a free for all think nothing about it do whatever I want stretch, it is time to get back to basics. I'm gonna try to love God with my whole heart, my whole mind and my whole self. Try. Simplify life.. ferret out those things that don't really sustain life, my life, the life of the Spirit, the life of the people I meet and those I live with. Like too much food, alcohol, overindulgence of any kind... and distractions that are clearly distractions, like too much silly television or silly conversation about stuff that doesn't matter.. or worse, talk about gossipy stuff. Prayer, almsgiving and fasting. One thing that helps me is to think of Jesus in the desert for 40 days.. For some reason, this year I'm able to tap into a desire to be with him. I can imagine sitting with him, walking around with him as He struggles with demons.. the same ones we do. It makes me sad to think of him there in the desert all alone and so I'll try to be there too. I know I'll fail, but this time around I really want to try. I'll get lazy, distracted, selfish, scared, hungry... but right now, anyway, I'm eager to go there with him. and meet the one he called Daddy who desires my company too. I'm so glad that there are others traveling with me as I try to be in the desert. Thank you, fellow pilgrims! I sense your solidarity and it is so fortifying.

March 1, St. David's Day acc. to Welsh Amy

one of the many ways you know you are middle aged is that you notice and appreciate the fact that the days are getting longer. The earth is warming up with minutes more sunshine each day and the green life of the bulbs are sprouting and the Buckeye tree has leaves on it. Danny the Dog and I walked the trail today and soaked up the blue sky and white whisps of cloud and the birds and voles popping their heads up too through the ground into the air.

feb. 22, 2011 St. Peter's Chair

Today the Church celebrates the Chair of St. Peter... and the gospel presents Peter in a shining moment when he acknowledges Jesus as the Messiah. Who do you say that I am? asks Jesus. Peter replies-not Elijah, or John the Baptist, but the Christ. What a moment. It seems a lot of the time the disciples kind of blow it. They misunderstand what Jesus is trying to do and even try to sabotage him sometimes. Remember when Jesus says to Peter, "Get behind me Satan"? But today we're invited to celebrate Peter's recognition of who Jesus really is. I remember when I was about 22 or 23 and for some reason, perhaps at the behest of a teacher, I read the entire gospel of Mark in one sitting. I lived in an apartment on Ascot Drive in Moraga with my pal, Terri. I was home alone and was lying on the living room floor. I remember reading it and having an encounter with this person Jesus as I read through Mark's brief (only 16 chapters) telling of the gospel. Had I not been lying down, I like Paul, would've fallen down. If Jesus were to have asked me then, Who do you say that I am?, I too would've said, GOD. Now, like Peter, I don't often understand God's ways, but I've taken to reading the gospel of Mark again to try to remind myself again: just who do I say that Jesus is? because I can't often remember. and I want to.

february 15, 2011 feast of St. Cornelius I think

today, my small faithsharing group met and we're still listening to Fr. Michael Crosby, O.F.M. talk about the Beatitudes. He talked about "Blessed are the meek, for they shall inherit the earth." Acc. to Fr. Michael the work "meek" means "nonviolent" after he explained the Greek word from which the translations came.. it is not to be understand as "whimp" or "pushover". I saw a scene on the television news the other night. Across the GGBridge walked a group from Pink Code, which I believe is a peace group. They were carrying signs that said "Yeah, Egypt!"and other positive, celebratory messages.. it was a very moving scene as the camera focused in on the individuals and their signs. They, of course, looked happy.. for a change. Their campaign had a success story to celebrate. Millions of Egyptians peacefully stood against oppression and their voices were heard. So many many lives scarred by the dictatorship of Mubarek. But, in this scene, there were individuals here in San Francisco, able to celebrate a cause for which they work. I was so happy for them. and so touched by their caring about this issue of nonviolence and of peacemaking. I am inspired to seek a nonviolent path in my own life.. in my speech, and in my thoughts and .. the work of which will require awareness and effort and decision. Blessed are the meek, for they shall inherit the earth. Amen.

february 9, 2011

I didn't read the readings today. I leapt into action to prepare for our cleaning ladies. Today is a quiet day.. my sweet cleaning ladies are from Mexico. One had a baby Christmas day and the other is expecting her third baby in six mos. We talked about how to best clean our shower and our bathtub. I had a cleaning product that was fantastic! She was amazed! It's amazing how happy a clean shower can make one. Somehow I'm reminded of a brand new baby... so pure! and how awe-some is that purity. A baby glows through and through. My shower now glows superficially. I'm so happy! a fresh start~ it seems to say. bright and shiny and ready to serve you dear bather. Clean, bright, new, fresh, inviting beginnings.. like a blank sheet of paper coupled with a perfect pen. Yesterday, we received John's high school graduation announcements. He will graduate in four months and then in seven months he will leave for college. New beginnings for him!! and for us. Because he is our last, these new beginnings have a different color. What color, Katie? I feel like maybe they are the color of water...

tuesday, january 25, 2011

The memorial of St. Paul's conversion. Wow! Didn't know we had a day for that. but cool! Got knocked off the horse and had the original "Come to Jesus" meeting. Then, he made an about face and he couldn't be shut up! I love Paul!!! He's probably one of those guys you'd meet and think.. take a chill pill man! but look what he did! He wrote so many letters that make up more than half of the New Testament. Anyway, I'm not sure this is his day.. now that I think about it. but it was recently. Today I heard from three different young women talking about their experiences as young Catholic women... and their work to live out the faith as they know it. I was so proud of them! Articulate, passionate, living in that space that holds on to the faith but doubts and questions and challenges the institution. What they shared among other things: that young Catholics don't consider attending mass the hallmark of their faith. For most, they seek a connection between the faith and their lives. For most, service, community, social justice are the key elements of their faith lives. One 20 Something exhorted our assembly to be hospitable and to welcome and to be curious about others journeys. Music to my ears!!! Yes, catholic means universal.. and Catholic doesn't mean check your brain at the door (as my ex Jesuit professor once said) but means a whole lot more.. and there are many questions that need asking and pondering and answers to articulate oh so carefully. It is too precious to be misunderstood. Thank you to our guest speakers Jen, Helena and Katie.. and their book From the Pews in the Back.

sunday, january 23, 2011

Life! in abundance!! Pete and I made the trek out to one of our favorite places today. Pt. Reyes National Seashore. We hiked out to Abbot's Lagoon which leads to the Pacific Ocean. On our way, we saw this heron sitting next this water... he was absolutely still and so easy to photograph, but because the water was also still we got a mirror image of him as well. There was a stillness to the air too.. We saw cows on our walk but not a lot of other birds. Some blackbirds and a few seabirds along the waters edge. It was unseasonably warm, calm, windless, and serene. I am blown away at the beauty of creation!!! Glory to God in the highest and peace to his people on earth.

January 19, 2011 Wednesday

In today's reading Jesus reached out to a man with a withered hand. The church authorities were watching him to see if he would heal on the Sabbath. I learned rather recently that in Jesus' time the belief was that people suffered afflictions as a result of someone's sin... maybe their father's? So physical disability was the consequence and a sign of sin. Jesus sought to liberate and heal.. and I wonder how he did it? we attribute miracles to him, but I wonder if the miracle was simply his presence, his reaching out, his love for them. That IS a miracle in a community where certain of its members are marginalized. To step over the customary boundaries, the usual lines we don't dare cross, and see God in another. This is why people love Jesus! because he loved them first! He looked at them and saw a brother, a sister. Today, I am going to cast my gaze upon that scene of Jesus reaching out to the man with the withered hand, and try focusing on all the parts of the scene: Jesus, his posture, his movement, the man who seeks Jesus, his hand, his heart.

st. anthony memorial, January 17, 2011

John Francis Hayes- 1993
One of the reasons I need to pray? To keep from relying on my own limited understanding of things. How many times have I thought I understood something, usually simply based on my intuitive understanding, and then discovered that I was missing some important facts But! for my mind's sake, I fill in the blanks, in order to neatly tie some knots, wrap up beautifully in paper and ribbon, the story so that I can live with it. So, in praying I can better live "in faith" , in suspension as I can not know all about all and can trust that there is a greater power at work while I do what I am supposed to be doing. Ugh. What a lesson! Maybe this is the way I can be brave today! Take a leap!

one brave thing

Pete likes to ask the question: what are you afraid of? from one scaredy cat to another! that is, he to me! anyway, today I asked him: what brave thing did you do today? I made a call yesterday to a woman I hardly know to propose an idea that would involve her... it was brave of me! I had this idea to form a small group of women interested in sharing their stories and looking for God in the midst of those stories.. I guess it's sorta like group spiritual direction. My belief is that when people tell their stories they are better able to see God in their lives. The benefit of that is: God is dying to love us.. and sometimes it is easy for us to miss it! I've found myself speaking about things and hearing myself say out loud what has happened I suddenly realize , omigosh, look what love God poured out on me!! and I didn't recognize it til this very moment. Then, the tears come and the gulp, and I know: that is God. Atleast for some, this is a helpful tool... telling ones story and unearthing the pearls in the middle of it all. One of the critical elements of this kind of spiritual direction is that those who are listening.. are only listening. They are not advising, commenting, applauding, criticizing. They hold the story teller and her story with love... only then can the still small voice be heard in the midst of the life revealed. I'll be paying attention to the promptings of that voice in the next while.. and see what makes it way through the noise. (writing this blog serves a similar purpose for me... so thanks for listening, oh so quietly. Wink.)

January 8, 2011

The Lord takes delight in his people. from Psalm 149.

My mother sent me a new standing angel for my nativity set. I already possess a hovering angel which I suspend near the baby Jesus with a piece of thread. Oh, my standing angel is a thing of beauty. She has golden wings, and wears a peach colored robe with a green/blue pinafore and then she has her arms open with a white stole wrapped around her and over one arm.. she looks like she's ready for action. She has peachy colored hair with a gold headband and as I said she stands ready to act. She is now part of our Fontanini nativity set and she is a welcome addition! This angel doesn't belong to the hovering airy fairy angels. She is one who means business... is ready to help address real human needs. Her story, which comes in her Fontanini box, says that she helped Mary through her journey to Bethlehem, tucking her robe around her when the weather turned cold. This angel doesn't have a name.. she's just "Standing Angel"... ready and eager to help. In thanksgiving for all of our angels, especially the ones who stand ready to help us.

january 5, 2011

It's my father's birthday and he's 77 years young. and he is young. Also, noteworthy, in my mind is the fact that I believe he's the very same person he was when he was born 77 years ago.. to a young 21 year old mother. her one and only baby as it turned out. He is as certain now as he was then that he is the most adorable fellow and he considers himself very lucky... his nickname in college was "Lucky Riegel". He wasn't even Irish! but he married one, much to the dismay of his relatives. Oh well. I keep hearing of stories where the families have disapproved of their child's choice for life partner. I guess it's an age old story. Anyway, I'm digressing. 77 Sunset Strip, Daddy says. No longer 76 Trombones. What to make of a father who's 77 years in the flesh? I can't believe it.. In my mind, he is about 45 maybe. and I think he always will be. He'll always have the same soft ears and merry eyes. He'll always have the same flat feet and firm and friendly handshake and solid hug. I know I'm lucky to still have him around. It would even better if he lived closer than a 2 1/2 day drive away ...Happy Birthday, Robert Witherspoon Riegel. I hear that your mother had a rough time raising you, but that you think she enjoyed it? Hah! Great birthday card this year! Cheers!

January 3, 2010

Today is the Monday after the feast of the Epiphany:

from Matthew's gospel:

"From that time on, Jesus began to preach and say,
“Repent, for the Kingdom of heaven is at hand.”

He went around all of Galilee,
teaching in their synagogues, proclaiming the Gospel of the Kingdom,
and curing every disease and illness among the people.
His fame spread to all of Syria,
and they brought to him all who were sick with various diseases
and racked with pain,
those who were possessed, lunatics, and paralytics,
and he cured them.
And great crowds from Galilee, the Decapolis, Jerusalem, and Judea,
and from beyond the Jordan followed him."

Even if you don't believe that Jesus is God, this story handed down to us about this man is my idea of a true hero. I don't know of anyone else who has had these things said of him or her. The celebrities in our world have lots of things said about them, but I don't know of any who had such a positive, healing effect ... How did he do it? I've had a few encounters with individuals whose very presence, their very being provided this all encompasssing salve for my scaredy cat heart or psyche. I wonder if they were aware that energy flowed out of them when I experienced their power. The things that seems true of them all is that they seemed to have a deep reservoir of love... that may have once known great pain and they took that pain and it was turned into gold by a greater source of power... I will take the pain I perceive in the world and then feel, and I will take it to Jesus, who suffered for love of all... and ask him to bless the depths.