thoughts on CPE

It is becoming clear... oh so slowly... but honestly, that our children do not need me to be available to them 24/7 for emotional support. I have for a long time placed myself on alert in the event that they needed me, I would be available.. somehow afraid that if I turned my attention to something else, that I would not be able to attend to them, IF they called on me. in the meantime, I've tried to amuse myself with other activities... to fill up my day with meaningful, productive, peaceful activities. Swimming, women's groups, mass, shopping, food prep, home maintenance and creation, maintaining extended family connections, always praying for the boys when they come to mind. I would worry to myself: wow, if I were working even part time, but especially full time, how would I get all this stuff done. If the car needed maintenance or there were jury duty... I sit here at home after Costco shopping and realize that Pete enjoys shopping... let him do it!! I could be using some of my gifts and finding meaning in that instead of just biding my time. Next step? talk to the CPE people at Alta Bates...