my new book from pete for Easter

What can happen in a second:
a kiss, a blink, a flick of a switch, a petal falls, a bird alights, a star falls, a dog barks, a heart beats, .. anything can happen in a second. Most of things happen in a response to something set in motion long ago and how we go with the flow determines if things happen at al.. or if we impede that flow of life. Sometimes I wish I could be a hobo.. just walking the roads and hearkening to the demands of the moment. Looking for food, a bathroom, water, a friend. Looking at the cars going by or the fields to my left or right.. I love being on the way.. on our way.. somewhere , almost anywhere. Just going. Why in this day and age as fast as most things travel, information, people in plains, trains and automobiles could moving still be compelling or attractive? Much of the time, I wish that things were moving more slowly. Stop!! but truth be told, life is still movement to me... walking, riding, rowing, talking, sharing... and so what could happen in a second? something or nothing. and I'd prefer the something in this moment. Heart beating, washer washing, quilting, mending, staging, creating, capturing a moment.. I love the moment, but I love the moment that is promised just beyond the moment. Today, Pete said that he's appreciative of this day to "exhale" after the Triduum... and I agree with him. It is such a gift to have this moment to exhale.. and that can happen in a second.. or several.

March 14, 2013 Thursday

I can hear from my chair inside my house the heavy machinery at work on my street as the utilities are being under grounded in my neighborhood. The team has been working for months now and it appears that they have done all the work below ground and now they are re paving the street to look like new. These men who wear the bright yellow green vests and hardhats have been digging, with shovels and earth movers and scraping and sweeping through the cool of the winter months. Now it's warming up and I see them donning sun protection... one man had created a cardboard brim measuring about a foot on all four sides to fit over his hardhat. People are clever. Yesterday, as I waited for the one open lane to open up for me so that I could drive to my house, I shared with the flag man about our new pope. I thought twice about sharing the news. I was still exhilarated after watching the live reports from Rome as our new pope appeared on the balcony to all of us! What if this flagman didn't know what a pope was or didn't care? I went ahead and asked him if he'd heard about the new pope? He showed an interest and so, I told him. He wondered right away: was he an Italian? Well, sorta. His father was an Italian immigrant to Argentina. The flagman perked up... and then I said, and guess what name he chose? "FRANCIS." He's the first Pope Francis! I said. The flagman smiled and said... "cool." and he smiled and nodded again "I like that." Viva el papa!!  

January 2, 2013

Behold, another blessed day is about to end. The sun is sinking in the sky, the shadows are lengthening and I am sitting in a cooling house blessed with a new lamp sent by Anne and Jim... it is beautiful. Colorful, gentle light and a fun shape... whose home is to be decided yet. Thank you Anne and Jim! It is a joyful reminder to stay in the LIGHT. HELp me to return again and again to the image given to me in my meditation on Christmas of the tiny face of the Christ child as it looks up from his necessary crib... he can not hold his head up.. all he can do is shine, glowing with new life and hope and love. Perhaps that is the msg of the dream the other night: I dreamt that I was nursing a newborn who was, as I describe at the end of the dream, not thriving. I must create a place, a world where that newborn can thrive.. where the light, the hope and the love offered by this fragile, but incomprehensibly alive newborn can find sustenance and comfort. HOw can I sustain this fragile ecosystem? Stay rooted in prayer. I was able to pray this morning before the nativity set in my room... worried that the words won't penetrate or stay with me.. but my hope is that it will be taken in and will feed me even when I'm not paying attention. The newborn within seeks a loving home... keep working to create a space where the newborn can survive, even thrive, no?

today is Saturday, December 29th and it is nearing the day when we say goodbye to the year 2012 for keeps. Where to begin... John's bday is the first significant day for me in any year. John turned 19... he was back in school, so we had to send his bday gifts to Santa Cruz. I remember he said it was awkward and that he tried to hide out from his friends because he doesn't like a fuss made. He is true to himself. Then our friend Terri was very ill, dying from cancer still fighting it with chemotherapy. Tommy was in New Haven, enjoying his year w the forestry students. Billy was enjoying his new job with First Solar... still in Oakland I think. Robbie was in Pasadena working for Ubersocial and we had new years day w them in their apartment overlooking the Rose Bowl Parade. What a kick that was.. with their friends, Dave and Elliot. Oh God help me to remember and to savor the moments of together ness and affection. and God bless everyone who is trying to be fully human in the midst of a world freckled with lesser gods. (btw: Danny the Dog, has been a constant buddy... only a few trips to the vet, incl one when he "ate something on a walk w/ Edward" .. but he has enjoyed his walks off leash so much in the park near our house, hallelujah, happy dog and me). Our friend Terri left this earth (but she is near!) in March (26?) and we moved into our house in Oakland a week later. Her memorial service was the day before we moved actually. Pete was involved in the settling of the estate, which involved trips to SF to see Terri's attorney. We were called into action more also with her actual hospitalization and her death because she had no spouse and no one to advocate for her... her friends in the end. She was too big for this world! May, Tommy turned 28 (1984) .. don't know where he was.. oh yeah, Greece for a friend's wedding (George and Ann) and then he spent the summer in Norway, where he could hardly afford to eat. Billy joined him later in the summer and they traveled to Iceland on their way home. July we celebrated Tom and Jackie's 60 wedding anniversary at Sea Ranch with everyone BUT Tommy... We were in three houses... and we were able to have a nice dinner at our house (Sugarman) and a fun trivia night with ?'s about T and J. Sweet! That was a few mos before Jackie left this earth. (She is still with us) She and Tom came over to give us an anniversary card on Aug. 7th and that was the last time I saw her intact. She had a stroke a week later, the day before we flew home from Washington state. Then she stayed in the hospital until she died on Aug. 26th.. her funeral mass was Sept. 2 or 3rd? In the midst of it all, Tommy flew home from NH, CT two weekends in a row. So he was able to say goodbye in person and then for the funeral too. Billy was an ace all the way.. present up close and on duty. It was a blessing to have all the boys, but he was on the frontlines. Robbie flew up... as did Martha? Was Martha already here for her job? Maybe. (Nanette left this earth three days after Jackie did) Robbie moved up after a few weeks (long) interviewing w Google while Martha was working and commuting at/to Wildfire, then Google. Tom began having meals with us immediately after the girls left for their homes. Initially, we drove him, then he drove over and then we drove him home, and now, he has lost his license, because he fell asleep at the wheel... Amy and John G. are with him now and will be for a few wks and then we will be his go to team. John's second yr at SC was challenging too.. he is still sorting out a major course of study. Thinking about mathematics... broke up w/ his girlfriend, with whom he climbed Half Dome in June just before the Sea Ranch trip. He cherishes his friends. We have been pouring on the support and the TLC as best we can, to help him through these developmental humps. Big stuff... I am SO proud of him. Highlights: tea w/ Martha for her bday at the Sheraton Palace... my mother's 78th bday dinner at our house ... the trip to the Olympic Peninsula.... settling in to the new house... our open house w/ friends (sweet)... nice hot soaks in our bathtub... losing 10 lbs!!...
getting a new bed (comfy for the first time in a LONG TIME)... dinners w/ Sally and Jeff... listening to Michael Sweeney, OP in both his Lent talk and his Advent talk.... praying w/ the St. Augustine community... communion w people in the hospital. How can I say thank you enough? Life is a glow with potential .. radiance. (Ah, new life too: Lucca Barsotti, Eva Payapilly, Emma Robinson, and Lola, who is three soon). and the misc. babies I've met in my travels, incl the newborns at the hospital. Gratitude for the 3rd-5th graders we get to spend time with on Sundays too~ and  the beautiful sunsets here we can see, after 9 yrs of being beneath the hills of Moraga at sunset. GIFT.
Thank you God, for this year of blessings... your always being with us... especially thankful for the times when the going has been rough. I have felt your constancy, your strength, your peace. No really I have... just wish I didn't have to dig so deep to find it... be with us and with me, this new year of 2013.. and strengthen me for the journey. In ways it is easier, in ways it is not easier. Be with me, please. and help me to be with you. Amen.

November 27, 2012 Tuesday
The readings from the scripture today are a little harrowing. I likened the Sunday readings upcoming to the kind of dread of childbirth. Especially if one knows from a previous baby what to expect, the descriptions in the book of Revelation don't seem that outrageous. They seem pretty spot on.. it's going to be cataclysmic!! So, get ready, the author says. Nothing is like childbirth... and every woman , unless she's been anesthetized, recalls the experience in living color. It is an out of body experience. maybe the definition of such. Nothing is ever the same again... and the process itself is so powerful that one feels especially grateful to have survived it.. So, I'd like to liken the anticipation of this year's celebration of Christ's birth to the anticipation, the dread and fear, of the overwhelming miracle of birth.  The anticipation is awesome... awe inspiring. Let the anticipation begin! I don't know why this doesn't post on my blog...

Thursday, November 29, 2012

Let all who worship the Lamb, come to the Feast... or something like that. Ane stand erect, holding your heads high... from the gospel. Scenes from the Book of Revelation... of destruction and devastation, but that is only for what is not worthy of us human beings. Babylon... that crazy city where all kinds of abominations were happening. So, my take on this is: keep awake and alert to the good, do good and stand in awe of God's blessings, and stand ready to respond to the call and to participate in life. The Pineapple Express is coming through the Bay Area and while there are mild temperatures, things are moving.. the air, the clouds and the sun is somewhere up there, obscured by the moisture in the sky. Rain later today. There is an air of expectancy that comes with this for me. Is it ironic that I lost my credit card? Hmmm. I'll ponder this...

May 16, 2012 Wednesday

Make my faith new! "We should praise God, our Lord, and Christ and the Holy Spirit for all that they have done and do for me and all of creation. The part that caught me: praise God for making me in his own image, a child of God. that one always catches me... to be reminded that I am more than my pettiness, my jealousies, my small thinking. I am also other than my strengths, which are in fact given on loan. "I will praise you Lord, I will praise you Lord, in the assembly of your people, your people, in the assembly of your people, your people, I will praise you Lord." I was caught recently by a painting I saw in Phoebe Hearst's Anthropology Museum at CAL. It was called "Evening Chant" and it was a painting of Native Americans seated and standing together singing with faces upturned to the sky as the sun set. It evoked that sort of praise of the Divine Creator. I discovered another song recently in a book Pete gave me, called Gloryland.   I'd met the song years ago when I was a young Girl Scout. It is in fact a negro spiritual... "way beyond the blue" expressing the hope, the knowledge that one day we will be saved from this life. So, I'm thinking I need to sing more and sing my praises to the Lord. The end. Going to find a songsheet I stole from church, wink.