monday, june 14, 2010

after years of living in Livermore, in the valley, where it gets well over 100 degrees for weeks at a time, I am still so grateful when the fog reaches us here on the other side of the East Bay hills. The air moves and is the definition of fresh. I remember when I moved here in 1977 and was a student at St. Mary's College. The brilliant white fog clouds would roll in over the Golden Gate Bridge and the sight of them was breathtaking. It meant our natural air conditioner had been turned on and it was a matter of hours til we felt the cool damp air seep into our atmosphere and cool our skin. It is always lovely to sleep when the fog blankets the neighborhood. Today is one of those days. Thank heaven. I feel alive and like I can move and think and do. I am grateful, that is all.

inheritance, june 12, 2010

The story from the gospel today is the one where Jesus disappears on his parents in jerusalem and they search for him for three days and find him in the Temple. He says to his mom, "did'nt you know I had to be in my Father's house?" I'm picturing that a lot of teenagers used that line with their parents when they snuck out of the house to go play. I was struck by this development in the family dynamic. Jesus, acc. to the gospel, is about 12 yrs old. Maybe that was considered an age of departure... puberty, leaving mama, finding his own identity. For a first time mom, with our oldests, it is quite shocking to discovery that our sons have their own identity and part of that identity is that he does not have to report to you. He is beholden to you, he is related to you, but his identity is his own and his achievements, his activities, his inner thoughts are all his. It is essential that he be given our blessing... and maybe that is what Mary did. At the end of the gospel reading it says that Mary "held all these things in her heart". I'm having a hard time holding all these things in my heart. However, I am being given the permission (kick in the ***) to find my own identity outside of this house. It is very tough to be at one and the same time, holding on to these relationships , as they are more and more sidelined, and to step out and seek my own life. The tug is always more in the direction of these relationships... but the boys don't need me. As far as they are concerned,, they have received all they need. Jesus returned to Nazareth and was obedient to his parents. Hmmm. That word is hardly in the vocabulary of this generation. Nor would I know what to do with that kind of deference. How can I get clear about what I must do for my own life? Seek LIFE!! where it can be found. A friend recently told me about his discovery of rowing in his life. He committed to drive an hour away from his home in order to join a crew team. Let him be my inspiration!!!

wednesday, june 9, 2010

The disciples are quizzing Jesus again. I'm trying a new way to understand the scripture readings for the day. St. Ignatius of Loyola, the founder of the Jesuit order, recommended that we enter into the gospel through our imaginations. Imagine that we are there in the story as a participant ( a disciple, the donkey Mary rode to Bethlehem, a star shining above, whatever) and then imagine how the air felt, what the mood was, what the thoughts were of others in the story, what were the sound and meaning of the words Jesus spoke. In today's reading, (Matthew 5:17-)Jesus explains that he has come not to abolish the law but to fulfill it. I can so see myself in this story trying to make sense of Jesus' person. Okay, now what does he want us to believe? I've grown up with this law handed down to us by our ancestors and what are we supposed to do with that? and Jesus, ever gracious and authoritative, says oh no, leave none of that behind. That is all true! Abandon nothing of our spiritual ancestors, but know that I am the fulfillment. What I have to reveal to you about salvation is the just the final word. Be alert. Be expansive enough to include it all. Open your minds and your hearts and your souls and leave nothing out that is good. In a way, maybe he is trying to help the disciples avoid the either/or choice and invite them to open wide to the reality of both/and. Maybe a part of our nature wants to create the us against them stance. Jesus seems to be very clear on this. His life is a piece of God's revelation. This feels like an invitation to me to see a wider horizon, to paint in broader strokes, to see God as active in all of life and to draw my eyes open wider to the ways he is inviting my heart to love more.

sunday, holy trinity

from "Skyspace", Pomona College, artist James Turrell

When I was little and I heard the phrase Holy Ghost, Holy Spirit or Holy Trinity I was kinda confused. but also intrigued. I like the word "holy" and refuse to allow it's snarky use to adulterate my sense of it. It sounds lit up... whole... glowing w/ goodness (we've all met people like that) and oddly, to me, grounded. When I was little, I didn't have any associations with the dove that symbolized the Holy Ghost or tongues of fire that hovered over the disciples on Pentecost. The Holy Spirit was with Mary and voila, she conceived. Hmm? Today is the feast of the Holy Trinity. That one still eludes me. Father, Son, and Spirit. How about Mother, Daughter and Spirit? I don't have anything against fathers and sons. Perhaps I can see in that trio an association that is so close.. that of parent and child and the love that exists there in that relationship. I am blown away continually by the similarity of parents and their children... fathers and daughters, mothers and sons, in particular blows me away. But, essentially I am amazed by genetics. By how a daughters eyes look EXACTLY like her father's or a son's feet look just like his mother's, only bigger. The way parent and child think in a similar way... all of it!


So, as Jesus incarnates his father... whom we can not see... he reveals to us the nature of God... and the Spirit? that love that informs their activity in the world. Does that make sense? this is where I am stymied. How would you describe the Holy Spirit? and the Holy Trinity?

sweet peas and beans

and so it goes. Dinner with the family. Nothing beats it. Sitting down to a meal lovingly prepared by more than just mom to nourish our bodies and our souls. Tonight I tried cooking fava beans. We received a bag of them in our bi monthly organic produce delivery. I have never seen them or cooked them in my entire life. I popped them out of their pods, boiled them for 5 minutes and then put them in an ice bath. Then I removed the shells for each bean and them sauteed them in olive oil and butter and garlic. They were a beautiful bright green and had a lovely texture and flavor after being cooked in that winning combination of butter and garlic. Robbie helped me pop them out of their shells after they'd been cooked once. We agreed that it'd be more fun to sit out on the back porch with our aprons hanging between our knees with our friends doing likewise and snapping the pods, removing the beans. This vegetable takes some serious prep time. This experience was the antidote though to the sometimes domestic dulling experience of "nothing new under the sun". These were new to us! and we relished our introduction. Michael Pollan would be proud.

May 20, 2010

for me writing is prayer. I am overwhelmed with gratitude now for all the blessings our sons enjoy. Good friends, good teachers, nourishment, that still small voice that I know whispers to them and to whom they listen, for all the people who've cheered them on since they were born and for those who've just discovered them and delighted in them and been touched by them. I am grateful for the fact that I am here to behold them. I am grateful that Pete is their dad. I guess I should be grateful for the challenges they've had and will have. These are life's great teachers. Ugh. In particular, I am grateful at this moment for Robbie's experience at Pomona.. for his water polo experience and his classes and teachers and fellow classmates and for Martha, his best friend and lovey.

feast of the ascension

A prayer a mother could love, for Tommy on his 26th birthday:
from 1 Thessalonians 5:23
May God himself, the God of peace, sanctify you in every way and preserve your life and your soul and your body without blemish, at the coming of our Lord Jesus Christ.

Your grandfather told me a story today on the occasion of your birthday. He remembered when you visited them in Vandenberg Village and he took you to the fire house. The firemen talked to you about the truck and stuff and you asked questions and they answered. Back and forth and finally they asked how old you were and you said "I'll be three on the 13th of May." They were quite shocked to learn you were only two. I just thought that was normal for little kids to be so verbal and I learned subsequently, not so. Happy Birthday, Thomas Patrick Hayes. You shine like the sun!! and I DO pray for you as St. Paul did for his peops. (Pictured: Uncle Karl, Tommy and Godmother Aunt Peggy)