second station of the resurrection

What must it have been like for the two disciples who were closest to Jesus to run to the place where he'd been laid.  When have you suffered a dream shattered, a hope deferred only to discover that all was not lost, and in fact, maybe new life had burst forth? Like when a door closed, leaving you disappointed or worse depressed, only to have a new door open and new life flood in? Maybe a job interview didn't result in that longed-for new job, or a relationship you'd hoped for ended.

In this resurrection story, the two disciples discover the risen Lord together. In the first resurrection story, the two women make the discovery together. Sometimes, it really helps to have someone else, a friend, to witness what has happened in our lives. Our friends can help us hold on to what exactly just happened and what it means! and we can do that for our friend, too.

- Where am I being invited to look more closely at the signs that something big is about to change? or signs that something new is being revealed about my life?
- Is there someone in my life who helps me to see more closely, or more accurately what is being revealed?
-Difficulty understanding what is only partially revealed... can I live with uncertainty? or live with the question: what is God doing here? can I find someone to be my companion in this not knowing but in the question?

third station
The Risen Lord appears to Mary Magdalen, the Apostle to the Apostles

John 20:14b-18

13-14 “They took my Master,” she said, “and I don’t know where they put him.” After she said this, she turned away and saw Jesus standing there. But she didn’t recognize him.

15 Jesus spoke to her, “Woman, why do you weep? Who are you looking for?”

She, thinking that he was the gardener, said, “Mister, if you took him, tell me where you put him so I can care for him.”

16 Jesus said, “Mary.”

Turning to face him, she said in Hebrew, “Rabboni!” meaning “Teacher!”

17 Jesus said, “Don’t cling to me, for I have not yet ascended to the Father. Go to my brothers and tell them, ‘I ascend to my Father and your Father, my God and your God.’”

18 Mary Magdalene went, telling the news to the disciples: “I saw the Master!” And she told them everything he said to her.

Jesus called Mary by name. Have you ever heard your name and felt really known or recognized. God calls us by name and we stand at attention, or feel called forth. When someone who really knows us and calls us by name we are invited to come back to ourselves. As we are called, we are at the same time invited to be our most authentic and true selves. In that, we may be invited to act in a particular way, respond to life in a particular and new way. Stand firm or act decisively in that most authentic way. In doing that we are giving authentic witness to the risen Lord.. because we believe in the risen Lord and act accordingly. 

Mary, called by name, announces to the disciples that she has seen the Lord. 

How would anyone recognize our having seen the Lord by our actions? 

How do we witness to others that we have seen the Lord? that we have experienced the resurrection? 

Tools: 

Lection Divina

provide water colors, crayons, pastels, and paper

for a meditation through drawing/painting on one of the resurrection stories

Guardian angels

Pray for me! That I will know where I am truly called. You gaze upon the face of the Father? How do you do that ? Meditate? Icon gaze? Show me the way!!

wednesday, October 2nd, 2013

what do I do now/ pray.... return to the Source. My Source. Guardian Angel be present to me... and then came a text from Tommy: "live life to the fullest, folks!" ... and what does that look like? it means: getting to work, to bring healing and love to the world. Show me the way, Holy Spirit!!

thoughts on CPE

It is becoming clear... oh so slowly... but honestly, that our children do not need me to be available to them 24/7 for emotional support. I have for a long time placed myself on alert in the event that they needed me, I would be available.. somehow afraid that if I turned my attention to something else, that I would not be able to attend to them, IF they called on me. in the meantime, I've tried to amuse myself with other activities... to fill up my day with meaningful, productive, peaceful activities. Swimming, women's groups, mass, shopping, food prep, home maintenance and creation, maintaining extended family connections, always praying for the boys when they come to mind. I would worry to myself: wow, if I were working even part time, but especially full time, how would I get all this stuff done. If the car needed maintenance or there were jury duty... I sit here at home after Costco shopping and realize that Pete enjoys shopping... let him do it!! I could be using some of my gifts and finding meaning in that instead of just biding my time. Next step? talk to the CPE people at Alta Bates...

today, smells, textures, feelings, sounds...

I think I'll recall the experience I had as a little girl of the sound of the B52's coming in to land and take off from Columbus AFB in 1960-1963. When I was little my father served in the USAF as a B52 navigator. He flew "alert" and would be gone for some period of time and would fly missions through the air of North America mostly as I understand it. He would come home, always, and life would go on. Sometimes, and I really don't know how often, my mother would take us down to the flight line and we would stand by our car and watch the planes come and go. It was a memorable experience. The planes themselves were huge and they made a frighteningly loud noise... rumbling really and one of power, the likes of which I'd never heard in my short life before. It was overwhelming... the sound being as powerful to my being as seeing Yosemite from the valley floor for the first time. We were enveloped in this rumbling, all encompassing sound, above which no voice could be heard and hardly any other thought could be sustained as it consumed all of ones attention.  Beneath and beyond all of the sensation of this experience was the awareness that "that was our daddy in that plane" and "daddy is coming home". This is one of the earliest memories I have of sound. For many years the sight of a big military plane and the sound of its rumble would evoke a warm, secure feeling in my chest... I am safe because my daddy is home. Unfortunately, the specter of the 9/11 airplanes supplanted that association and I have to dig a little deep to recall that early experience and that early innocent surety.

saturday, September 21, last day of summer or first day of fall

Pete and I said goodbye to our John again today.. as he left for his junior year of college at the University of California at Santa Cruz. He was really ready to go more than a week ago, but he had received faulty information. He couldn't actually move in a week early as he'd been told. So, he had to cool his heels and spend another week at home. He made good use of the time... doing a little more work for his grandfather, and for us and for his aunt and uncle. He made a little more money and was able to pay off his car insurance and the television he bought for his dormitory. I love John. because he brings such depth and sincerity and peace to my world. I am so so lucky to know him and to be his mother. All of our boys are precious loving people. This summer gave me such a wonderful LOT of time to spend with John and to talk and to share and get to know eachother. Thank you, thank you, thank you for this time with him. It was golden.

spirituality of motherhood

Give it up!! Give it UP! Give IT up!! Under what illusion am I functioning where I think that I can live my own life? that I can sail through life unaffected by the lives of others ... and somewhere along the line, the world has succeeded in sending me the message that I have control over my own life.. that I can choose everything... what school I go to, what car I buy, what food I eat and how I'm going to spend my days... nothing else in life I don't think so undermines that myth than motherhood... from the moment of conception (ask a mother if life begins at conception?) until you finally die, your life is not YOUR OWN ever again. You are inhabited from within for 9 mos. and then your heart is attached permanently and superglued to another human life for EVER. I was telling someone today that I understand that a pregnant or nursing mother's brain is chemically changed... I believe it's Christianne Northrup who writes about this in one of her books... that the hormones that allow for the sustenance of another's life (in utero or thru breastfeeding)... alters the brain of the mother such that she finds herself more forgetful and not as able to think in the same way she did before. Its as if Nature says .. oh no you don't!! ... you can't move so fast AWAY from this baby.. this fact of this life being dependent on you! ... it's nature ways of assuring that you are THERE for the baby. The conflict comes if and when this pregnant woman or this new mother acts as if she were her old self.... it can be a rude shock to discover that, oh, the energy isn't there for evenings out with friends or the breast milk still flows even if the baby's not with me to slurp it up. WE can not be all things still.... we can be OURSELVES... but we MUST be mother! This new truth is a full body and full person reality.